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My diary from 1993 to 2012

 

From 1993 diary - (Fifth Avenue, cloth covered)

Sept. 9, 1993

I am either very lucky or a big fool. Sheila Foresta and I shared a subway sandwich today on Broadway. I gave her $300 to pay for a damage deposit on the house so her mother could save $100 a month in rent. Sheila will move in with me this evening after her support group. Sheila said her mother has agreed to take care of the children and receive the welfare checks. Sheila and I can live together - get married on Feb. 14. Sheila wants to buy a house where we all can live. Wants enough rooms so her mother has some privacy. Pay day was today. Sheila and I spent much of the night together. Had sex early in the evening. Then I took Sheila to Irving. I gave her $40. Sheila said she got robbed - $40 gone and $130 in food stamps. I gave her $30 more. Sheila suggested that I not give her much money when we live together - just pay for gas in the tank, etc.

September 15 - At the Minnesota Men’s Conference, waiting for the second presentation of the morning to begin. I am depressed by my financial losses & inability to deal with problems related to the apartment. I must change. I must become personally disciplined & not let gifts of my mother spoil me. I must get Jimmy out on Oct. 1. I must establish a new relationship with Sheila not based on giving money to her.

Saturday, Sept. 18 - sitting in the lodge at the Minnesota Men’s Conference. As a member of the “Howl” clan, I wore a red ribbon around my head and participated in a ritual yesterday afternoon. I talked with Malidoma yesterday about my failure to do the ritual he prescribed. He said that I decided to do the practical things first, meanwhile doing a simple ritual of water and ashes. Again, I have felt I was a marginal person at this conference in spite of being part of the Sufi singing group. At times there has been friction with Robert Bly - partly a product of my perennial rebellion against authority. I have not yet been able to identify the “hostile brother” within, as others have done. I am a member of “men who carry the witch” subclan with Len Murray (who entertains at a club in Milford), Tom Forsythe, Jack Gunderson, Heines Matthew, and Brian Schroeder. They wanted me to relate this theme to my story of codependency with a cocaine addict. I do not yet know what I will say. Robert Moore said I looked spiritually stronger this year than last year. Robt. Bly just tickled me. The program begins.

Sunday in the lodge at Lake Hubert - listening to a prayer/poem.

I think Andy might have performed a valuable seraice for me today in helping to get rid of Sheila. About 3 weeks ago Sheila “had an abortion”, she said, to get rid of my child. For awhile I rejected her, but gradually she built back a relationship against my will.
And when she was at 2936 Aldrich Ave., we went for a drive to a side road. She suggested making love in the back seat. I consented - how stupid - to risk both VD and pregnancy with this woman. We have had sex several more times, too. Typically, she would come to my house unannounced. In my bedroom, she would undress completely. I would get in the mood & she would start asking me for money. I would usually resist for awhile, but eventually give in to the pressure of lovemaking. So again I seem unable to say no to Sheila - to offers of sex, to requests for money, to demands on my time.
Yesterday I thought I might have an opportunity to get rid of her. She said she wanted to go to cling treatment. She wold be in a residential treatment program for 3 months - and therefore have me alone. After promising to go to Fairviews Southdale CD unit, she finally knocked on my door at 2 am saying she was ready to go to the treatment program - now. (Typically she says “in a half hour”, but is gone for 6-8 hours.) So I got on my clothes & drove her to Edina. This morning at 7 am, I got a call - about 5 calls actually - from Sheila saying she had not been accepted for treatment. Would I please pick her up at the emergency room & take her home. Also I owed her $5 (out of $15) for sex the night before. I picked her up around 9 am. Then we decided to go to Eckankar after picking up Andy.
Sheila sat on the back seat. When she demanded that I turn up the heat (as she often does), Andy angrily told her that this was my car & she should get out if she didn’t like it. He called her a prostitute & drug addict & said she could go back to hot black brothers and sisters.
Sheila responded venomously. She said that she & he had had sex often. I was looking for whores all the time, wanting to keep her down. I was whoring with Betty & Teresa. Andy and I were disgusting white people - or “pink” people - who had no spirit as black people did. This acrimonious conversation lasted until I dropped her off at 1811 Girard.
Andy and I went on to the Enkankar service without Sheila. Sheila has telephoned me to ask about return of her camera equipment (pawned for last expenditure of money). I hung up on her. I am going to have to practice strict avoidance with this woman - which is now possible thanks to Andy.

Dec. 23, 1993 Andy and I are flying to Newark to be in Milford for Christmas. I have had considerable anxiety in the past few weeks & may have developed a skin rash because of it.
On Monday, Dec. 13, I stayed home on vacation to attend to maintenance work at the apartment. Around noon, Sheila showed up. She had violated rules at the Wayside residential treatment center and, in effect, was homeless. She wound up staying with me much of the time although I did not wish it.
On Thursday night, after being out all night, Sheila appeared at 4 am with the news that she had taken a cab from St. Louis Park. A bill of $11 was due which I could pay by credit card. She claimed to have been kidnapped by some of Mike’s friends. I paid the bill with much annoyance. She refused. I picked up the phone to dial $11. She pulled the cord out of the phone. I chased her around the apartment but didn’t catch her. She laughed at me. Finally, I grabbed a crowbar & chased her. I finally pinned her down & pried the phone loose, while banging her hand against the phone. Eventually Sheila left the house. She called the police, claiming that I ad assaulted her. Because she did not live with me, there were no arrests. I was quite shaken by the incident.
I told of this incident during a poetry drop in our Sufi singing group on Friday evening. Robert Bly was in attendance. I firmly intended to be rid of Sheila.
Nevertheless, she showed up on Saturday morning (Dec. 18) at my door. I first slammed the door on her. Then I let her in because she promised to tell about drugs in the apartment. Even though we had had a violent confrontation on Thursday (a week ago), we have spent much of the subsequent time together & have had sex regularly. This was never my intention, but I acquiesced in the relationship. Sheila seemed to be trying to give up drugs & develop a normal relationship with me.
One evening I gave Sheila $40 so she could buy some “weed” for “a last hurrah” as a drug addict. She did a ceremony in the apartment, so she said. She said, if I gave her this money, she would have my baby. But I wasn’t to give her any other money, because I would then only be enabling her. In subsequent days, I have given her more money. But she is staying with her friend Dot in an apartment at 1500 24th Ave. So., Mpls. She looked happy when I saw her.
Wednesday morning, sleeping by Sheila’s side in the waterbed, I woke to Papadop’s knocking at the door. Teresa Thomas, his pregnant girl friend, had previously knocked wanting to get into Papadop’s apartment. When he refused to let her in, she broke the frame of the door & threw a rock through the window. I dialed 911. The police came & questioned Teresa & Papadop. She made the mistake of seizing an iron to throw at someone. The police took Teresa to jail. On the following evening, Teresa and Papadop were reconciled with my blessing. She has promised to pay the damages.
I am unhappy about Sheila because of her continual demands on me for money. She feels justified in asking because I gave money to other people, too. Mainly I give money to Mike Williams so he can buy medication for his stab wounds. I got Mike to sign an agreement that he would not sue me for injuries that he sustained as a caretaker at my apartment. Yesterday, Mike cleaned out the laundry room. I gave him money for that, too. The general opinion is that Mike is a con artist - a liar and a cheat, Sheila says.
Sheila says we might have a relationship because we both like to write. She has been starting a novel on my PC about a group of women who use drugs. She is afraid someone (me) will steal the idea. I am so busy putting out fires at the apartment that I have no time to write.
Maybe a relationship can be developed with Sheila if she gets her own sources of income (welfare) as she is trying to do. Then she might not demand so much money from me. I do enjoy lying in her arms at night. We have moments of wit & affection. Can she stay off drugs.
My immediate objectives are to get the maintenance problems at the apartment under control, to stop giving or lending people money, to collect rent from all tenants, to keep drugs out of the building, and start paying down debt related to the apartment.
Because of my job (under Leonard’s supervision) continues to be stressful, I also think in terms of leaving my job after I am safely in the new year. I would get paid for unused vacation.

Feb. 6, 1994. Today I calculated how much money I have paid to Sheila or on her behalf since Sept. 1993 - about $4,800. I was angry at her because of many missing objects in the home and many broken promises. I was ready to kick her out. In the early afternoon, Sheila confessed that she has been “using” (drugs) for much of the time she has lived here - most recently, on Friday. She said the problem has been that Conny & Mike W. have been pounding the door incessantly when I am at work urging drugs on her. She is not strong enough to withstand such pressures. Sheila also disclosed that Rock, Michelle’s boy friend, stole my microwave oven & sold it to Willie Booker. Sheila confessed that she took the 3 checks from my checkbook but didn’t want to hurt me. So this was a credible confession & I forgave her.
Later, in the laundry room of the apartment, I ran into “Pops” and Jovan, Michelle’s niece. Pops told me that he was 3 weeks away from finishing his book. He thanked me for letting him stay in the apartment. He thought Mike was basically a good guy & had tried hard to keep drugs out of the building. Pops told me his social philosophy - young black men were a lost generation without hope. Needed a family structure to support them. - needed a higher spiritual power. Pops said I would be mentioned in the book as positive character - someone who was resilient, who didn’t think in terms of race. He said Sheila also came from a good family & didn’t deserve to be in this bad environment. She’s intelligent & cultivated. Pops himself has sung in front of the king of Norway. Grew up in Washington, DC. Is religious - thinks in terms of signs at the end of the world. His name is Tom Tipton, we shook hands. Durenberger might write an introduction. The book might be published by McGraw Hill or by Augsburg Press. (google Tom Tipton gospel singer - yes, he has sung in the White House, several times.)

Feb. 7 Tonight Sheila called me at work to say that the doctor had confirmed her pregnancy. She came home drunk around 6 pm weeping that she was pregnant again. Didn’t have a home. Now, 11 pm., she is sound asleep on my waterbed.

March 16, 1994 Sheila Foresta called me from Meadow Creek treatment center to let me know that she wasn’t pregnant. She never has been. Had her tubes tied after birth of her daughter. Also, she admitted that she had taken many things from my apartment. She says our relationship is over. She will never live with me again. 90% of what she did with me was lies & deception. Now she is trying honesty. Started to blame me for the crowbar & shovel. Thinks I might be a violent man.
Also, Andy is in Fairview Riverside hospital. They want to send him to Anoka state hospital.

June 2, 1994. I am sitting in Aunt Aurie’s basement in Greencastle. Aunt Gret’s funeral ceremony will be held at 1 pm - less than one hour. Mother, Dad, Margaret, Aunt Ann, Uncle Ralph, Kit, and Aunt Aurie are here. We will have dinner at Uncle Frank’s this afternoon. Mother & Aunt Ann bought a wicker bird house & flowers at Eitel’s Flowers t his morning. I will take pictures.

July 1. Yesterday was last day of existence for the MTC. Because there were no other plans, I typed up a flier announcing an afterwork party at Bunker’s Bar & Grill. Did so anonymously. I was the only MTC employee when I arrived and 4:45. Eventually an older man named Bill McGrath arrived - a temp in the marketing dept. It turned out that he had been an ace salesman for Clive, competitor of American Hoist. We swapped stories. Eventually Frank Snowden, last chairman of MTC, joined us & we had a long discussion about 3M, US society, etc. The party dwindled to marketing people. I had my eye on Sharon (Feiner) - a writer in the marketing dept, but she did not seem interested in me. I asked her for a date & she said she was seeing someone else.

July 20, 1994. Two nights ago, Ann Johnson called me to say she was pregnant & it could be my child. She wanted me to pay $200 so she could get an abortion. I said I would call back. I talked with Wilbur Russell who emphasized the possibility of a scam. I called back to say I would not pay the money because: (1) I was not sure the child was mine, (2) She could get free abortions from the county, (3) she had deceived me & stolen from me (most recently my wallet two weeks ago). Ann hung up on me.
Last night she appeared at the door. I said to Papa Dop, “it looks like trouble.” Ann came in. She told me she would keep the baby. I had no responsibility. Quoted this: “Mama’s baby; Daddy’s maybe.” She wanted me to buy a pocket radio so she could get some food, which I did.

Sept. 19, 1994 I am in Milford with Andy for a 2-week trip to visit my parents. Today I bought 3 gravesites in the Milford cemetery - for Andy, David, and me. Paid $1,050 to Bill Martin - site is near the road across from the Pinchot plot. Was precipitated by Andy’s need to spend down his assets.

Sept. 20 - Mother told me yesterday that Dad’s insurance company will not renew his policy because of recent accidents. They have decided to sell the car - and I have the first option. This is an unpleasant milestone of Dad’s growing old. I worry whether Mother and Dad can handle the daily chores & other needs without a car. Andy wants to stay in Milford with Mother & Dad and David. He wants me to transfer $1,000 to Dad’s account from his trust account at Norwest Bank.

December 10, 1994. On Wednesday, Sheila went with me to the unbank on Lake
Street to have her signature notarized for a court summons that she had served on Mary Russell the night before. There, in the car, she raised the question of whether we might get married. I stalled her. I had spent the night at her house after we decorated the Christmas tree. Maybe it was the family occasion that moved Sheila to want a husband. I had previously discounted the idea of marriage with Sheila, partly because she refused to have children. Now Sheila had accepted that condition. I gradually warmed up to the idea: Sheila and I have been close for almost 18 months. She talked of helping me to manage the apartment. He family accepts me. She is loving & promises to be a good wife. We appreciate each other’s sense of humor. Last night Sheila and I had an “engagement” dinner at Elsie’s restaurant. Sheila got a case of indigestion after I told her I wanted two children. I went to the Sufi meeting but was very tired & spoke hardly a word. Bly was not there. This morning I called mother and dad to give them the news. Both were vocally negative. Mother later called back to say she would kill herself if the marriage went through. Did I want that on my conscience? I am mulling things over, trying to get organized.

January 1, 1995. Tomorrow I will marry Sheila Foresta at the court house in Minneapolis. Have told several people - discussed it at the Sufi meeting, etc. Will shortly go to pick up Sheila, who will spend the day & two nights with me.

Jan. 2. (in my handwriting) Sheila and I will be married in one hour. I love you, Sheila. Bill. (in Sheila’s handwriting). I love you. My love is because of your -
I wish and pray that we will forever be together. And we will because of you and grail and one pass my set to final true love and the meaning these of. I want to say more. I want to say more.

January 3. The wedding was set for noon on Monday, Jan. 2, in the juvenile detention center. Sheila and I drove over to Julie Goshorn’s home in the highrise to ask her to witness our signatures on the prenuptual agreement. I also asked her then to attend the wedding. It was good that I did because Sheila’s other witness did not show. Patty Carlson was a witness also.
We arrived at the juvenile detention center & got past security. Judge Charles Porter Jr. was to marry us. The judge did not show. A helpful probation officer named Marian called Judge Olesky, who said he might or might not be able to help us. Finally, we received word that Judge John Stanoch was in his office. The judge, wearing a University of Wisconsin sweatshirt, received us in his cluttered office. Julie read a passage from Genesis. The judge read a ceremony. We also did the “jumping the broom” after we had exchanged rings & were declared man & wife.
I had previously thought that in an emergency we could drive down to the Megamall to have Geoffrey Dennison, an ordained minister with the Sufi group, marry us. But then Judge Stanoch (husband of former DFL chair Ruth) was found.
Afterwards, Julie, Sheila & I had lunch at the Holiday Inn restaurant near the University. We drove Julie to Fairview Riverside for a 2 pm doctors appointment. Sheila and I went back home to plan an afternoon honeymoon trip.
Sheila & I first went to the megamall to see Geoff & try to buy magnetized name tapes for the refrigerator. Then we drove through Hastings to the Treasure Island casino 15 miles south. We put in a few quarters here & there & hoped to win the door prize. Had hamburger & hot dogs a lunch counter. I won 100 nickels at a nickel slot machine & put all the coins in my coat pocket. On the way back, as we were approaching West St. Paul on Highway 52, we suddenly had a flat tire. Sheila had neither a spare tire nor jack in the back. So we rolled on the rims for 1 1/2 miles to an Amoco service station on Robert street. Fortunately we were able to have the tire replaced for $80. Got home at 10:30, made love & went to bed.
I joked with Sheila, who feared that I would change after the marriage, that I wanted the toilet seat always to be left in an upright position. Sheila was also worried about the pastor’s warning that the marriage would fail because we were “unequally yoked”, the pastor said, because I didn’t accept Jesus as personal savior. I was from the devil & Sheila would revert to drug use if we married. Sheila got a second opinion more favorable to our marriage but she was troubled by the pastor’s harsh words. On my side, I tried to keep the time of the marriage secret because mother threatened to commit suicide. Robert Bly called this “going ballistic”.

November 1, 1996. On or about October 4th, I discovered that I had debts totaling $18,000 on three credit cards that I knew nothing about - Nations Bank, Bank of New York-Delaware, and AT&T Financial. These balances showed up on a credit report from Privacy Guard. It became apparent that Sheila had opened these accounts without my knowledge. I have been waiting for the divorce to go through before discussing it with Sheila & she has done the same. Our divorce should be final now.
I finally had the discussion today with Sheila over the phone. Sheila said that. I knew she had opened the accounts & had given her permission to do so. She thought it was all right for her, as my wife, to sign my name on the application form. She said she had used one of the cards in my presence, implying that I knew it was being used. This will be her defense against the accusation of fraud. I vaguely remember some discussions about credit cards - about the Citibank VISA - but I am quite sure I never gave permission to open up several of them in my name. She said I gave her permission to do so as long as she paid back the loan.
Sheila said today that'd she had been astonished when several credit cards were simply issued. She had put my work number on the application form, but evidently they did not call me. Sheila said she had not been intending to use the cards. However, relatives and friends kept hitting her for loans. There was one loan for $1,000. Other times, she paid someone’s car rental bill. There was a series of loans for $200, $300, etc. Pretty soon, most of the credit was gone. She used the remaining $4,000-$5,000 for school tuition. New deeply over her head, she became irritable and considered threatening suicide. Sheila thought I was putting her down all the time. She had wanted to move out last November. She did continue to make payments on the credit card until she lost her job at Regency apartments last August. So her intentions had been good.
Sheila will take the position that I consented to open these accounts, whether or not she forged my signature. I have no recollection of giving my consent or being aware that the accounts were opened. I called an attorney through Lawyer Referral. Some conclusions: Yes, I may be responsible for Sheila’s debts because it’s a community property state. On the other hand, the fraudulent applications may be a shield. I need to get a court to assign these debts to Sheila - she did not disclose them to me at the time of our divorce application so there is some protection here. Either we can reopen the divorce settlement or I can use fraud as a defense when the credit-card companies come after me in small claims court. Yes, a debt of $10,000 is in small claims court. If convicted, Sheila would be guilty of a misdemeanor. It is not true that a divorce settlement could not shield me from the credit-card claims.
Sheila told me that she will file for bankruptcy - not just Chapter 13 - soon. She will also tell the credit card companies that I had consented to the application.

11/10/96. Sheila doesn’t want to speak with me after I admitted I had filed an affidavit of fraud with Bank of New York - Delaware. Sheila will hire a lawyer to fight me. She will write letters to the companies saying I knew about the credit cards & gave my permission for her to apply for them. She is very anxious about being accused of fraud in forging my signature.
Had conversation with Jerome Norris. He said he had never seen Sheila so agitated. She might kill herself. Thought Sheila was unrealistic in going back to school to become a high-school teacher. Thought Sheila lacked the organization to be a school teacher. Suggested I should talk to Sheila. He didn’t know about credit card problem but thought it explained her attitude.

Judy Adams called. Wants me to meet her friend, Rosemary. She is going south to Louisiana in 11 days. She’s miffed with the landlord group - “unprofessional” - especially since Charlie told her that the organizers of the Phillips rally didn’t want her to speak - didn’t want it to be on Lead-Free Kids or guns.

11/26/96. Just watched the 10 pm news on KARE-TV. A report that Tom Tipton, singer at the Vikings game, was in trouble with the law. He failed to show up at a court hearing about his automobile. A crack pipe was found under the seat of his car. Tipton claimed he had borrowed the car. Tom Tipton stopped by my apartment about 11 pm on Saturday night.

Jan. 18, 1997. I called Tracy, a waitress at Gilligan’s Restaurant in Waterville, MN, to pursue a personal romantic feeling. She was our waitress for the dinner after Harvey & Julie’s wedding exactly one week ago. I liked her partly because of her guts in volunteering a rebuttal to a negative statement Harv made about TV evangelists. I tried to call her last Sunday but she wasn’t in. Today I called Gilligan’s & asked for Tracy. I heard a waitress in the background wondering if Tracy had a boy friend. When she came to the phone, I asked Tracy if she would call me collect later in the day after identifying myself. She said she wasn’t busy then & wondered what I had to say. I said she seemed to be an interesting person & I just wanted to talk. She said OK & took my number. She wished me a nice day. I don’t know if she will follow through. I’m thinking of going to Waterville to have dinner with her if she is agreeable to this.

10/17/97. I let Toni the cat stay outside overnight on Saturday, October 4. She did not appear at my front door on the morning of October 5, when I went out to jog. To date, I have not seen Toni. I thought I heard a cat. whining Saturday night but I was too tired or lazy to investigate. I thought I saw a cat on my roof on Sunday, but it was gone when I came upstairs to check. I have checked the Animal Control center several times. Toni is not there. I have not advertised or stuck up posters. I have been expecting Toni to return. Bu it is almost two weeks since Toni’s disappearance. I’ve had her since later in December 1989, when I brought Toni from the Ramsey County Humane Society upon surrendering the body of Puff.

10/20/97. Toni has returned. Alan found her outside this morning. Sheila called me & I let her in.

1/19/98. I should describe the experience of losing Tony for 2 1/2 hours on top of the Hill Cumorah near Palmyra, NY. We drove to the Mormon shrine. I let Toni out on the grass. She promptly ran into the bushes on a steep hill. I looked for her along with 4-5 others calling her name. Finally went to the top of the hill again. Ginny said she heard Toni. I went to a bench & started calling. Toni made a sound & I grabbed her. We were ready to leave without Toni.
I have talked with Sheila on the phone. Mostly we argue about race - whether the Egyptians are black - or about Bill Clinton, but in the last few days Sheila has talked about the time of our first meeting.When she was close to death from use of drugs, she had a vision of Jesus Christ, a large figure. She bowed down before Jesus. Jesus brought her back to life because she needed to care for her children. Sheila said Jay had had an out-of-the-body experience, too, when he was 4 years old. He was in an operating room, close to death. He later told Sheila that he had cried out to her, but she didn’t answer. Sheila couldn’t hear him.
Sheila said that when she first met me, she had pretended to be a prostitute because people in the building said that was what I wanted. Our recollections differ. Sheila said she had talked with me in the hall after I evicted Jimmy on 8/14/93. I saw Sheila in Jimmy’s room but not in the hall. I did meet Sheila one week later when we had our encounter in the presence of Nels Otto. Sheila took me aside in the basement & asked if I was interested in “dating”. I asked for a clarification. She said “for a fee”. (Sheila doesn’t remember this.) The following day, Sunday, August 22 - Sheila’s 34th birthday - she came up to my room two repeat the offer. I said I might be interested in dating her “in a conventional sense” - i.e., not as a prostitute. Even so, I gave Sheila the $50 she asked for, which apparently caused a sensation in the apt. building. Sheila then took a bath in my tub - alone. We didn’t have sex. We did that for the first time a week or two later. Attempted it in the house at Girard but I couldn’t get an erection. Later she lived with me, even while she was a drug addict - for about 3 months in the remainder of 1993.

10-2-98. Finished rewriting Chapter 4 yesterday & am taking a break - have a cold. I have rewritten the first 4 chapters since returning home from Milford on Sept. 30. Think the writing is greatly improved. Have recently read Martin Prechtel’s book.
Some writing habits. I get up around 7:30 - jog up to the Olson statue every 3rd or 4th morning. Then take a bath, read the newspaper and drink coffee. I take a cat nap every 2-3 hours. Often work until 9 or 10 pm though not too hard. Often interrupted by Alan who needs me to go to Menards or some other errand. I have tried to keep paragraph lengths to a maximum of three lines more than what shows on my computer screen. If it’s more, I edit sentences. In rewriting, I have also tried to introduce some new material to keep it fresh. My theory has been that casual readers would start with the first chapter & read in sequence. So I wanted to make sure that the very best writing would come in the opening chapters. If there was poor writing, the reader might set aside the book & never return. But if the writing was good, he would continue to the point that he was hooked. This has given me an emotional incentive in rewriting the first few chapters. Also, the last chapter will be extremely important - predictions of the future. I will expand this, starting after I rewrite chapter 5.

March 21, 1999. Last Friday Lily Dong called me to say that a friend named Yang has a younger sister in China who might be interested in an arranged marriage with me. She is about 40 years old & has a daughter. She works in a management position at a hotel in Beijing - possibly in human resources. The sister in Tennessee will send a copy of my photograph to the sister who will send me her photograph. My chief concern is age. The sister may have have too many more years of age bearing. Right now, I do not have much additional space in my home for a woman and child. Financially, this would also be a bit of a strain. Lily’s concern and also Yang’s is that I would be faithful if married. I have been married twice and have admitted that I am on friendly relations with Sheila. If the sister is interested, I would be expected to fly to Beijing to meet her. Possibly they would put me up in a hotel.
Coincidentally, Susan Okie introduced me at lunch (University Club) to Sonya Anderson, who is my age and an old Young Republican. She is an attractive woman and I feel I would like to get to know her better. I may be socially her inferior but I could become a companion for walking around the lake. Another concern is that Sheila owes me quite a bit of money which she has promised to repay soon. Also, she forged a check, adding $1,000 to a check I had written for $50. I also need to start learning how to use the iMAC computer.
March 31, 1999. Mother went to the hospital today. I talked with Dad about 5 pm. Mother has cancer. She was upstairs in bed with the phone turned off & had vomited & had stomach pains. Mother will undergo an operation on Friday. If successful, she will recuperate for six weeks in New Jersey - about two hours from Milford. Dad said Margaret had suggested that I stay with Dad for a week while Mother is recuperating. I might take Andy & Ginny.

May 9, 1999. Tomorrow Mom goes into the hospital for her cancer operation - a hysterectomy. We are worried about her survival. Dad has been put in the Milford Convalescent Home during this period. Margaret said that he had been hallucinating. I talked with Dad - he sounded like his old self. I expressed the thought to Helga that perhaps the move had been premature. Maybe it was the medication that Dad had received in the hospital which made him sound irrational. Yesterday I got a phone call from Aunt Ann bawling me out for meddling in these arrangements. Furthermore, she thought I should be in Milford taking care of Mom. I said that I was glad that Helga was doing this. Finally I got irritated with Aunt Ann & she hung up. Of course, I did not mention this squabble to Mom but it angered me. The plan is to fly to San Francisco for Kit’s wedding on May 22. I hope that I can keep that engagement. Then Andy, Ginny, and I will drive to Milford via Rochester. Hopefully Mom will be convalescing & won’t have to worry about cancer & Dad can get out of the nursing home. (He said that he felt he was being kidnapped when three men woke him up & took him away on a stretcher.)

5-10-99 9:46 am. My mother is at Newton hospital awaiting surgery for cancer. I will try to reach her on the surgery unit where she has been taken. Didn’t reach her at home.

5:36. Margaret called. Mother operated on for 5 hours. They took out 5 feet of bowel tissue, her uterus and appendix. Have discovered two types of cancer, they think. Weren’t able to get at the pancreas which had spots on. Mom is in intensive care overnight. Margaret will get report tomorrow.

5-16-99. Margaret called with a request for decision: Mother will be in a nursing home for the rest of her life. Dad wants to live in the Milford house. Helga is willing to clean and care for Dad & me but only if Andy & Ginny don’t live there. Margaret suggests that I move to Milford to be with Dad & find an assisted living arrangement in the Twin Cities for Andy & Ginny.

7-3-99. Went to the Temple of Eck last night. Nora Patrin suggested a birthday party for Andy. I paid for the carrot cake ($20) + another $15 for dinner for 3 at Bylerly’s. I sat at the end of the table across from Andy & Ginny who were frequently kissing. The black woman next to me talked with the man on the other side. Nora talked with others. I sat for 1/2 hour by myself getting angry. Thought I would quit Eckankar, but there must be a better way.
Had a dream last night about being invited to “Love University” in a poorer section of Detroit. I went into a room of poor white people & was severely ostracized for invading their privacy. The dream was vivid & was perhaps an answer to last night’s experience. Otherwise, I’m happy that the book project is nearly complete.

7/24/99. Andy is dead. I went to the Sufi session last evening & came home around 11:15. After I went to bed, Andy came into my hallway. He said he couldn’t sleep. It was unbearably hot. I shooed him away. Around 4 am, I heard a crash. Andy, in the nude, had fallen down near the kitchen. He might have been seeking water. I helped pick him up & brought him to the sofa where he had been resting. Gave him some water. He dropped the glass, so I gave him a few sips. An hour later, there was another noise. Andy had slipped off the sofa onto the floor. This time, I woke Ginny who was in their queen-sized bed. We tried to pick Andy up to his feet but he was too heavy, too heavy even to get him back onto the sofa. So I put cushions from the sofa on the floor & rolled him on his back. He was not entirely on the cushions. After sleeping until 8 am, I awoke & made coffee. Read the newspaper. Then I decided to check Andy’s room. He was lying on his stomach next to my small fan with his face down on the carpet. Tentatively, I rolled him over. His eyes were closed, his face bloated & discolored. There seemed to be no breath. I woke Ginny. We called the paramedics & they confirmed that he was dead - probably for an hour. Then the police came & a medical examiner. I called Dad & got a nurse. The nurse called Margaret who contacted Stroyan funeral directors in Milford. We have decided to have Andy cremated. He had watched the JFK Jr. ceremonies & remarked that he wanted to be cremated should the need arise.

July 26 (Monday). Andy has been cremated at the Midwest Mortuary Shipping Service in Eagan. We viewed his body yesterday at 11 am. Jackie. Andy had told Ginny that Andy had watched the news reports about John F. Kennedy Jr.’s cremation. He commented that this was the way he wished to be treated if the occasion arose. After some discussion (about the Resurrection), Ginny agreed to cremation.
Alison Powers from the Temple of Eck called about 9:05 am. She said she had enjoyed the conversations with Andy. Normally, Andy called about once a week but he had called several times on Friday, July 23, as if to say goodbye. Andy had commented that he liked to call the Temple of Eck when he felt close to God. Alison thought Andy had a healthy appreciation for life. He did not complain about h is condition. Soul knows its hour to go. Andy knew death was approaching. Andy was different than most mentally ill people. He wanted to serve God and be of service to others. His was a spiritually developed soul. Ginny had commented that when she worked at the swimming pool at Harrison, Andy commented that he could see her, even though he was sitting in the apartment. Ginny had told Eckists that Andy had a terminal condition.

7-29-99. Nora Patrin called. She was in the sanctuary at the Temple of Eck last evening. She did a contemplation and saw Andy. He was in a hospital. She expressed surprise at this and learned that Andy was there to deal with the effects of excessive medication. Andy was in good spirits. He asked for Nora and I to take care of Ginny.
Nora also said that Kathy Wenzel of Eckankar had sat at the table with us after the service. Kathy’s little daughter remarked to her mother: Mommy, that man isn’t feeling well. Kathy tried to explain Andy’s condition, but the daughter repeated - no, he isn't feeling well. Nora took this to mean he was suffering from the medications.

7-31-99. 8:50. A week ago at this time, I discovered Andy’s body on the floor near the door in his room. Today I went in & told Ginny about an article on how catholic views about cremation have changed - it is permitted. Last night we went to the Hu chant at the Temple of Eck, then to a night spot called Bean in Excelsior. Nora is separated & looking for a man but did not respond positively when I said I was available for dating.

8-5-99 The Eck worship service was held on Sunday, Aug. 1, 1999. Ginny, Arlan, and I attended. Carol Morimitsu officiated at the service. She announced that the family of Andrew McGaughey invited worshippers to attend a memorial service for him in the chapel at noon. At the refreshment hour, Marie -? who was an usher at Andy & Ginny’s wedding, engaged me in conversation about Andy’s death for about 40 minutes. She is an intelligent, attractive, French-speaking black woman. Nora Patrin presided at the service. About 25 people attended including Carol Morimitsu & Nick, Tom Wait & Bill. Robert Huntley played piano and Pat Davis sang. We played an Annie Towhill tape. Incia (owner of Edge newspaper) was the first person asked to speak in remembrance of Andy. Then I spoke & then Ginny. Finally Alison Power gave her recollections. Nora asked for other witnesses. Ginny asked if she could play a short piano piece. Nora assented after a moment’s hesitation. Ginny played a Bach - in G. After the service, we went to Lian Chinn’s restaurant. About 15-16 people were there. Arlan kept asking Nora for money. I reimbursed her. I had Peking chicken with sweet sauce. Incia told how Andy often sought her out after the service & how she enjoyed his phone calls. She was apologetic about speaking first. Alison Power told how Andy had contributed to her spiritual development. He was filled with divine love. I told a bit about Andy’s boyhood - experimenting with rockets, reading Marco Polo, his good grades at Exeter.

8-10-99. Ginny said that Andy’s last words to her before she left him at 6 am on 7/24/99 were: “Think first of suicide, then of murder.” I asked Ginny what she thought this meant. Ginny said she thought Andy was murdered by a white man who she recognized from Harrison Park. She said between 6 am & 8:30 am (when I discovered Andy dead), she had gotten up to see this woman lying in the nude on top of Andy. Andy was fighting with her. Ginny is extremely unreliable as a witness - prone to hallucinations. I doubt her story about the mysterious woman in the apartment, but it is possible that she accurately quoted Andy’s last words to her. I was wondering if Andy, in some sense, was committing suicide if he rolled over on to his stomach where he found it difficult to breathe.
When we arrived at Milford Valley Convalescent Home on Wednesday, August 4, I suggested that the family members hold hands and remember Andy. David had no comments. Mother said only that Andy was a “blithe spirit”. Dad had more to say. Yesterday, Mother remarked: “I can’t believe that Andy has really died.” A memorial service on Thursday, Aug. 5th.
In the midst of this, I have had a conflict with Margaret over financial matters. I had originally asked Margaret to send stock certificates of mine held in Mom’s safety deposit box. She wrote back saying that if the stocks were in my name, I would already have received them. Last week (Friday) I asked another in the nursing home where the stock certificates were. She said they were in a small envelope in her safe deposit box. I called Margaret to ask. Margaret said she did not remember seeing them but would check the box again - probably this week. I felt sure that Margaret must have seen the certificates and might have tried to sell the stock to pay expenses. Mother’s nursing home charges must have run $5,000+ per month. I learned that Helga is earning $15 per hour to be with Dad - estimate 12 h ours a day (may be high). These expenses cannot be sustained.
I couldn’t sleep Saturday night. Had the idea of creating a new trust fund to pay the real estate taxes ($4,000 per year) and other expenses for upkeep on Milford property. Dad would be beneficiary & I trustee. However, I would inherit remaining assets after Dad’s death - This would compensate me for possibly stolen stock certificates. Had an appointment this morning to discuss proposal with Art Ridley. Ridley bowed out because he could not maintain confidentiality with respect to Margaret. He suggested Jay Rose. Called Rose & 2 other attorneys. Art Siegel saw Dad and me at 3 pm. Siegel said that my plan was invalid. Mother and Dad (who were both agreeable to my plan) did not have power to institute a totally new trust fund. Had to abide by dispositive features of existing plan. Needed to get consent of David, Margaret, and me to terminate the plan and institute a new one. Suggested Duke Schneider. So I will try to gather evidence about disposition of my stocks before I do anything.
Yesterday, I checked on the $10,000 from Andy’s trust fund that I had sent to Mother a year ago. Margaret had gotten the bank to give her power of attorney over this asset even though the bank had papers about trust fund. It wasn’t set up as trust account. Alice deGroat asked me to stop in today after they had discussed this with their attorney. Was told I would need a letter from Mother to convert the account to a trust account. So I simply closed the account & got a check for $10,000 +. While deGroat was away, I saw a letter from Margaret dated 5/5/99 asking to close the account & send her a check for $10,000. I beat her to the punch. Margaret’s move was obviously fraudulent. She knew this was held in trust & was not part of Mother’s assets, but tried to cash in the account anyhow.
I discussed this with Dad. He & mother had been discussing Margaret’s animosity toward me. I said I thought Margaret saw herself as a success story & looked down on her brothers. Dad confirmed this. Said Margaret had told Mother that she was successful and all her brothers were failures. Mother told Dad about this.

December 31, 1999. Last day of the millennium. I am preparing to carry a sign in Times Square, New York, at a celebration expected to draw 1.5 to 2.0 million persons. Am apprehensive about finding a place to park, needing to urinate, falling prey to pickpockets, being stopped by police, etc. The purpose is to carry a sign - Now comes the QUINTEPOCH.dotcom during the New Year’s celebration & hopefully be recorded by television cameras. Mark Stanley calls this guerrilla marketing.
I have occupied the Milford house for a week by myself. Have made a point not to drink coffee - trying to change some bad habits. Also doing light exercises & trying to combat food intake. If I go to China to meet Lian Lian, I hope to weigh 230 or less (pounds) - have been in the 235-240 range.
Have visited Mother & Dad every day. They are in separate facilities now. Mother looks good - her face is fuller, her appetite better or the same. I asked her what her religion was. She said Presbyterian. This was Pap’s religion & Pap’s family. One day she asked me what had happened to Munny. I told her that Munny had died 20 years ago. She also wasn’t aware of Aunt Gret’s death.
I had a row with Helga after I discovered that many major pieces of furniture had been removed from the house by Margaret. Clearly, Mother had given Margaret permission to take what she wanted. Margaret took the bed which Dad used in the front bedroom, the dining room table, the drawers with the silverware, the silverware itself, and perhaps other pieces. It is unclear what has happened to Andy’s and David’s Disney prints. Mother will say only that she hasn’t given them away.
Dad is in the mental health unit at Mercy hospital in Port Jervis. While a patient at Milford Valley Convalescent Home (where Mother is), Dad attempted to touch the vagina of a female patient who was sleeping. Dad said his aim was initially to cover her body with a night gown that had been pulled up, but while his hands were there, he couldn’t resist the temptation to go further. Apparently, as Helga emphasizes, this wasn’t the first time that Dad has made inappropriate sexual advances to patients or staff. No criminal charges have been filed, but Dad has been evicted from the nursing home. He likes Mercy hospital better. The staff takes care of his needs - having to go to the bathroom - which people at Milford Valley Convalescent Home wouldn’t do.
Dad is a bit ashamed of this incident. I took a forgiving attitude, suggesting that he ought to find a prostitute. Dad was proud in saying that he had never resorted to a prostitute - although once, on a trip to Japan, he had paid for a prostitute’s services but then backed down. The mental health people are treating Dad for depression & confusion. I hope he is not overmedicated. He is quite sleepy & often cuts short my afternoon visits.
I have mailed out letters to 286 people on Mother & Dad’s Christmas list. Have visited Aggie Ford. Tonight is my big adventure; it will be a physical strain.

1-1-2000. My big adventure last evening was a fiasco. I left Milford around 1:30 am after visiting Mother. Drove into Jersey City & parked on Sip Avenue near Journal Square. Took the PATH to 33rd street. My sign was disassembled. Near 39th & Broadway, the first problem occurred when I stopped to take a video of hundreds of police staged on the street. I had forgotten to bring the battery. So I had a video camera & 2 tapes but was unable to use them. Approached Times Square from the south, being admitted to the barriers by police as far as 41st street & 1 block away from the ball but on the wrong side. Thought it more profitable to approach the celebration area from the north. So I walked up 6th Avenue. Around 44th street I could see that a police officer was blocking admission to the party area. He said they were admitting people on 53rd street. So I had walked 10 blocks & had to walk another 10. It was around 4:30 pm on 53rd street. I was able to cross over to 7th Avenue (an extension of Broadway) and then down to 51st street. There the crowds were massing against the metal barriers manned by the police. I was able to cross over into the area in front. There between 50th and 51st I was locked into an area defined by police barricades for the rest of the evening. It was 5:15 pm.
I was not especially sociable. Two taller men - one from Toronto, Canada, and one from the UK - asked about the sign which I kept in front of me on the ground. Finally, I tried to assemble the sign - attach the mop handle to the mop where the plastic sign was attached. I could not fit the thick side into the hole, no matter how hard I tried. While I was holding up the sign to attach it to the handle, a group of people in back of me yelled at me to put the sign down so they could see. The man helping me thought it would be a good idea, too, not to use the sign. So I was screwed. The only option was to try to position myself at the side barricades where people would not be blocked. But those positions were taken & I couldn’t get the mop assembled. Embarrassment & frustration set in. It was around 6 pm.
For the rest of the time - 6 1/2 hours - I stood in the crowd inching my way toward the front. The police were aggressively patrolling the area. Wouldn't allow people to cross the side barricades even to leave - they had to walk to the back which by now was extending back several blocks - I imagined it eventually reached back to 59th street. So I was at 50th & 7th avenue, near a TGI Friday’s restaurant, just standing there - never sat down. Hardly talked with anyone. Did not pass out the slips of paper about my book.
A group of young men with their ears & tongues pierced were from Michigan. They befriended an attractive Chinese woman & Jewish woman from Brooklyn. I listened to their banter. Finally, two women from Morgantown, West Virginia, engaged me in conversation, asking about the sign. I stuck with them for the rest of the evening. At one point, a stream of wine passed in front of me on the street. The highlight, however, was that people on the hotel above TGI Fridays were opening the window & leading the crowd in chants. A blonde woman appeared on the 8th floor, 2nd window from the corner. The crowd yelled “show your tits”. Eventually she did. For 20-30 minutes she would periodically come to the window & lift up her blouse to show the crowd her tits. Then a policeman appeared in the window underneath her apartment. People muttered about the Keystone Cops who couldn’t find the right place. Ten minutes later, the cop appeared in the woman’s window. It was obvious that they were shutting down our fun.
I smoked a cigar & engaged in occasional conversation with the two WV women & others. Took 25 pictures on a disposable camera I had bought. We kept looking at the Discover card sign in the top position in the Times building. Every hour it would announce that a new group of people were experiencing the millennium - firs the UK, then the Azores & Canary Islands, then Brazil, then a group of South American & Caribbean nations. In the first hour before our millennium, the same group of countries repeated from the previous hour. I and another person observed that maybe the Y2K bug was causing problems.
Our New Years & Millennium moment arrived. There was no particular excitement except that I kissed the two women on the cheek. I gave one of them a copy of my book that I had been carrying inside my sweater along with the useless camcorder. They left & so did I, ushered out by the police.
Around Rockefeller Center, I finally figured out how to put the sign together. Carried it upside down in assembled position for a time. Never did carry the sign in full view. My object was to get into the Times Square area where the TV cameras would be located. Perhaps they would broadcast emptied out scenes of Times Square to other parts of the nation - at 1 am, 2 am, 3 am. However, the police were aggressively manning the barricades on the side streets at 6th avenue. Would let people come out of the Times Square area but not let any newcomer in. An officer remarked that maybe they would let people into the area at 1:30 am. I had to walk down to 32nd street even to cross over to Broadway. Hadn’t gone to the bathroom since 4 pm. It was around 1:30 am. The PATH station was there - one entrance closed but another open. Instead of walking up 10 blocks & over 2 to the Port Authority Bus Terminal to use the bathroom & then walk over to do the sign-toting routine & unsure of media coverage at this point, I called it an evening. Took the PATH (standing) first to Hoboken & then to Jersey City. Walked down Kennedy Ave. to Sip Ave. & found my car. Had to urinate in someone’s yard.Then found my way back along US 1 & 9 to Harrison Ave. through Harrison & to 280. Then took 280, 80, 15 & 206 back to Milford arriving around 4 am. Watched a replay of MTM festivities in Times Square for another 45 minutes while eating yogurt. Went to bed at 5 am. Arose at 11 am, Now, after breakfast & journal writing, I’ll see Mother and Dad.
Incidentally, had some luck earlier in the day - won a TV set & VCR from Meyers Florist in Milford because I had bought Mother some flowers when I first arrived a week ago.

January 18, 2000. I sat in the Mpls airport waiting for my flight to Detroit and then to Beijing. Lianlian will be waiting for me at the airport. Even though we have trouble communicating, I expect that we will be married soon. I am warming up to the idea emotionally and intellectually. I have looked at Lianlian’s picture again and think that I could love her. We both say our looks are worse than in pictures. I think we are both eager to find someone to love.
Now sitting in the Detroit Metro airport. The flight to Beijing leaves in less than 1 hour - registered WorldPerk miles.

1956.4.5. Date of Lian Lian’s birth.

1-26-00. Today I married Lian Lian at Beijing marriage office. All our paperwork was in order.

1-27-2000. LianLian and I had sexual intercourse for the first time this morning. We had attempted this several times before but I failed to sustain an erection.
We are now officially married although the certificate will not be ready until Friday. LianLian will hold a dinner party at a restaurant which will include the chairman of Everbright Company’s hotel group. I will buy Lianlian a ring costing around $500. We need to go to the bank for this money. Lianlan gave me a jade piece which she wants me to wear to ward off evil spirits.
I arrived at the capitol airport on Thursday, Jan. 19, around 6 pm, after a 13-hour flight that came within 60 miles of the north pole. After picking up my bag, I met LianLian and a translator, Ms. Tsuh Han, who had a sign that said William. LianLian was a middle-aged Chinese woman, rather plump, who wore short hair. I was somewhat disappointed in her physical appearance. Ms, Tsuh was a 19-year-old girl with a plump face. We rode in a car furnished by her hotel back to LianLian’s apartment. Her younger brother and his female friend had prepared a dinner for us. Ms. Tsuh translated our conversation. In the car, LianLian said that she did not wish to speak about politics. She later explained that she feared that the conversation would be overheard by the driver and by Ms. Tsuh. Chinese society is strongly politicized. LianLian seemed to want to hold my hand in the car.
On the following day, I held her in my arms. I rubbed her breasts. She seemed to be on the verge of having an orgasm. I danced to her music. We lay in bed together. My penis was close to her vagina from behind. Again, she seemed to be ready to have an orgasm at the slightest touch. I was unable to sustain an erection during those early days. I was surprised that she seemed eager to have intercourse even before we were married. Se had said that she did not want to be pregnant when she traveled to America because the sound of the airplane during take-off and landing would frighten the baby inside her body. Yet, she seemed open to unprotected sex. “I am very happy”, she would say after a sexual encounter with me. During the first week I felt uncomfortable from a buildup of sperm within my body; yet, I was unable to have an erection leading to orgasm. As the diary indicates, I finally ejaculated on the morning of Jan. 27th, the day after I signed the marriage agreement at the Beijing marriage office. We again had intercourse 2 days later. LianLian was surprised by the large amount of “water” (semen) discharged from my body. We had sex from behind another day later, and then our fourth act of intercourse on Sunday morning, January 29th. This last time, I became physically exhausted. It might have led to a headache & cold beginning Sunday evening and lasting through Monday.
My first illness (bronchitis) lasted from around Saturday, Jan. 21 through Wednesday, Jan. 25th. I insisted on my usual cure of sleeping and drinking water. LianLian measured my temperature with a thermometer under my armpit. My temperature was 39.1 degrees centigrade. 36-37 degrees was normal. LianLian insisted that I drink two tubes of brown, bitter-tasting medicine. Later, I went to the foreigner’s hospital for blood tests, x-ray, and physical examination. I reluctantly took the full treatment of medicine & gradually improved.
On Friday, Jan. 20, I went to the foreigner’s hospital for a physical exam required by the marriage bureau. At the US embassy, I obtained a certificate stating that I was single. We had my second divorce decree (from Sheila) translated into Chinese. We also took some small photos for the marriage bureau. While waiting for my examination in the hospital, I noticed that a document disclosed that LianLian’s age was 44. My impression had been (from her first letter) that she was around 40. My general impression is that women experience menopause at age 45 after which they cannot become pregnant. So, I was worried about whether I should marry LianLian if a primary purpose of the marriage was to have children. LianLian & Adell (Tshu-han, the translator) said we would discuss this issue in the evening. Later, LianLian insisted that she could become pregnant at her age. She agreed to consult with her sister in San Francisco who was a gynecologist. This woman later told me on the phone that LianLian could have children up to the age of 50.
I was faced with a decision whether to marry her. Wednesday, Jan. 25th, was the deadline because I would be asked to sign the marriage agreement. On the negative side: LianLian’s age, her appearance (fat face, fat lower body, short hair) as a middle-aged woman, and language barrier. On the positive side: her character, her interest in family & children, her sense of humor & intimate manner with me. For, LianLian and I had several conversations in bed. Although she would t ry to teach me Chinese, we spoke mainly in English with the help of an electronic Chinese-English dictionary. Lianlian had some interesting stories and spoke memorable phrases in Chinese:
Wa-cha How len, Ni-sha HOY len. Which means: I am a good woman, you are a bad man. “Davio, Davio” was a phrase shouted by the bus conductor. It means: Who wants to go to Da-bei-yao, which is a district in Beijing not far from Tiananmen Square. We would shout, Davio, Davio, and laugh.
LianLian said that landlords in China were disparaged. She told the story of a landlord who poked the roosters in the chicken coop early in the morning so that they would cry. The farm workers had to wake up & begin work when the rooster crowed. So this was a way of forcing the workers to do more work. However, a little boy who went to the toilet during the night discovered the landlord’s trick. The next day, the farm workers confronted the landlord & put an end to it.
LianLian said her father had been a munitions trainer with the Red Army in 1937. He had been in Yunnan province with Chairman Mao on the long march. He was very brave. He had also trained some top-raking army officers. If she needed help, LianLian might call on one of them. Her mother was soft and gentle. In a discussion of religion, LianLian said her religion was communism. Her father & mother had taught her to believe in this from an early age. Chairman Mao had told the Chinese that they could grow strong and prosperous through communism. The people would be happy. All the world’s people might enjoy a good life. Lianlian was somewhat disenchanted with these promises but suggested that other religions had deceived their followers, too. I said “yes” when she asked if I believed in God. She wasn’t sure about this. I showed LianLian pictures of the Eck masters. She was surprised to see a Chinese man. I think that religion, like politics, was a source of embarrassment to her.
LianLian showed me pictures of herself at a young age. In 1988, she had represented Beijing hotel workers at an ILO conference on multinationals and worker rights. A large photograph showed her in the front row. The Secretary-General of the ILO was in the center. In 1988-89, LianLian was general manager of a hotel in Hainan province. She was interviewed by a newspaper reporter. I also saw pictures of he husband & a small daughter. A picture was taken at Mt. Tai.
LianLian was divorced from her husband in 1992. He had gone to America to study and had found a new girl friend. Over a 2-year period she had applied six times for a visa to enter the United States. Maybe because her sister lived in the USA, the US government always rejected her application. Her husband said that if, after six attempts, she failed to get the visa, he would divorce her. He hired an attorney to get the divorce. They have not been in contact since.

February 4, 2000. I leave Beijing tomorrow at 10:00, the first day of the Spring Festival. As I write, fire crackers are exploding in the distance. I kidded LianLian and Adell that “terrorists” are trying to take over Beijing. LianLian wanted me to try to extend my stay into the Spring Festival but I think my tickets are nonrefundable & can’t be changed. Also, I am apprehensive about being away from the US for such a long time. At the dinner with friends a week ago, someone told Lianlian she could get into the US more quickly with a tourist visa, good for a 6-month visit. However, she needed to renew her Chinese passport & didn’t know where the old one was. She later found it at her brother’s. On Wednesday afternoon we spent much of the day hanging around the gate of the US embassy. I was allowed to speak with an agent of the Visa office at 4 pm. He advised against applying for a tourist visa at the same time we applied for an alien’s permanent resident visa. LianLian would have to commit fraud to get both. He said her admissions to the US was a matter of entitlement, but that it would take 3-6 months from the date of my application. LianLian is worried that she is pregnant and will be in an advanced state of pregnancy when she flies to the US after her permanent residency visa is granted. She may also fly to Guangzhou (Canton) for an interview. So she is still thinking of ways to speed up the journey to the US despite what the Visa official said.
2-5-00 I am in the air over Manchuria. LianLian accompanied me to the airport with the overnight bags. She had a friend at Capitol airport security who made sure that my bags were accepted without extra charges. She keeps saying: “In china everything will be OK.” We had “flower” tea in a restaurant at the airport for more than an hour. Ms. Li, the attorney, thought LianLian and I looked happy. She wants me to look for an American husband for her. Our last lovemaking session this morning; I was not able to ejaculate. It has been several days now. Lianlian is still unhappy that I am leaving on the first day of the Spring Festival.

Some memories: We watched a move on Beijing TV about “Sui May”, a mermaid who needed to return to the water to stay alive. LianLian kept referring to my penis as “your toilet”. My semen she called my “dirty water”. This referred to a funny story she told. A married couple wanted to have a child. They consulted a doctor who discovered that they were both fertile. A woman friend talked to the wife & discovered the cause. After intercourse, the wife cleaned herself thoroughly because she felt that “her husband’s water was very dirty.” The friend advised the wife not to clean herself & she promptly became pregnant.
LianLian said that Chinese women submit to their husbands. I will do what you say, she often said. To illustrate the wife’s adapting to her husband, LianLian said: “When married to a chicken, is a chicken. When married to a dog, is a dog.” - ie. The woman becomes a chicken when she marries a chicken, etc. We laughed about this endlessly, especially during the photographic sessions at 77 (street name) near the department store and market. For 888 Yuan (about $110) we obtained a wonderful set of wedding photos - 13 in an album, 1 large painting. 1 large print and 1, on enamel. I brought the large print with me. At one point, LianLian said that if marriage with me did not work out, she would go to England and live with her daughter.
On Thursday we went to the Great Wall (“Ching Chen”) in a hired car for 150 yuan. Went up cable lift, walked along the wall including steep part. Bought carved walnuts - 2 for 25 yuan - and had many photos taken. LianLian was good at bargaining with the vendors. LianLian liked to be kissed. Scenic mountain villages. About 3 miles from our apartment, we ran into a motorcycle that was traveling the wrong way in a traffic circle.
On Friday, Ah-Mao and I took a bus & taxi to the photo place where we picked up the wedding photos & met LianLian. They were beautiful. Then we ate lunch at a restaurant near the market - had squid and noodles (same as last week). We then went to Tiananmen Square, hoping to see the history museum (modern China, 1840-1949) However, it was closed on the day before Spring Festival. (I say: Bania, bania) We did walk through parts of the Forbidden City - the front H & east hall of the Ancestors where the emperor kept ancestral tablets. Went shopping for a dress for Wenge. I bought a silk dress for LianLian with a dragon design. She said we would soon have “little dragons”. Walked the length of Tiananmen Square to a McDonald’s where I had Coca Cola. Lianlian & Ah-Mao had hot chocolate. We never did see Adell again (the translator). She was angry with me about something. As I write these words, I am still coughing up phlegms. I still have to go to the toilet quite often - about 5 times a night at LianLian’s apartment & twice as often when I was sick. I was passive much of the time & didn’t learn much Chinese. LianLian made good progress with English. She also had an electronic dictionary. I did send off 18 postcards on Wednesday. The big question is whether Lianlian is pregnant.
Chang qui ya KONG Kong, qui ya KONG KONG. A Chinese author about returning to visit one’s parents, especially to help mother wash the bowls & chopsticks. Lian knew this by heart; this is the 1st line.

Feb. 21, 2000. Just spoke with Dad in the New Jersey nursing home. He had forgotten that it was my birthday but still remembered the circumstances of my birth 59 years ago. He waited in his office at the Automobile Manufacturers Association until about 1 pm, but nothing had happened yet. Went home & went to bed. About 3 am the hospital called to say it was a boy. Dad took the news & went back to sleep. Next morning, he went to the hospital. They let him stand in the doorway. Mom was in bed next to me. She held me up proudly for Dad to se. Dad said I was the hope of his later years. This gave him something pleasant to think about. I mentioned my new wife. Dad said she would prolong my life & make it more enjoyable. I said this should make his life more enjoyable, too. Also mentioned Lianlian’s daughter, Yueh. Dad was too tired to talk.
Earlier I called Mother at Milford Valley Convalescent Home. She had forgotten my birthday but was happy & felt comfortable.

Saturday night, I went to a party at Frank Trisko’s. Arrived at 3:30 pm & stayed until 11 pm. Eve White arrived & was flirtatious. She said she had been arguing with her boy friend, Jay, who had withheld sex. As a result, she had sex with 40 men. She flashed - bared her breasts three or four times. She told us she was wet with excitement over men. Even though I had told her about my marriage, I responded to Eve. I held her & put my hand down the back of her breast. I suggested that we go upstairs together. Eve had to goto meet a doctor, Mark, to have sex that evening so she left. I wanted to go up to the line with Eve but

July 21. Dad and I decided several days ago to support chemotherapy for David. We had raised this question with both David & Mother but gotten no firm response.
This morning a social worker named Mary called to say that she had talked with David earlier in the day & asked if he wanted treatment. He said no. When asked for a reason, he cited the pain. Mary said that David’s cancer had spread to his liver, a lymph. I agreed that David’s own wishes would be conclusive. I called Dad & reached Helga. They both accepted this decision.
Then this afternoon I reached David himself. He kept repeating that he wanted to live in Milford with Mother & Dad, Margaret, Andy & me. He said “I authorized you to speak on my behalf about living in Milford.” (Lately David has been expressing himself in complete sentences; previously, it had been yes or no.). I then asked David about treatment. No, he did not remember anyone talking with him about this. I laid out the options & asked him to choose. He said: “I want to be treated for cancer.” I pointed out the probable pain & the fact that he might lose his hair. David again said that he wanted treatment. It was about 4 pm. I had just talked with Dad. I was too late to contact the social worker or Dr. Mahklevian.

October 29. I have just experienced the Eckankar World seminars. Friday I was tired from having imagined that thousands of supporters might have formed a giant W for George W. Bush. I faxed this idea to the Republican state chairman. Then I arrived at the Mpls. Convention center a bit late. My main question was whether to seek the Second Initiation as it had been proposed in a letter from Sri Harold Klemp.
I was lucky to be included in a workshop, “In the Hand of the Mahanta”, which included the Mahanta’s sister, Marjorie Klemp. I sat at a table near the front near the 3 speakers. Also had a good conversation partner, a woman from Kentucky with whom I was able to express my true feelings about the Saturday class. Later, between 4:45 and 7, I volunteered to man the Lost & Found. I said next to a woman from Nigeria named Rosalyn. We developed a good intimate pattern of conversation which has been a prelude to flirtation. Afterwards, we sat together in the bleachers to hear the evening program. Several times I strained to read her name tag, as I had forgotten her name. She might have thought I was trying to see her breasts. She became cooler. We sent separately to the dance. I was annoyed to have paid $3.00 for the Nachos + $5.00 for the dance. I tried to be with Rosalyn but she danced with another woman. She did accept one dance with me but did it half-heartedly. I left promptly after the dance, somewhat dejected.
Saturday morning I arrived before the programs, went into a room where Bert Berlowe manned a desk for a group devoted to nonviolent parenting, etc. Marie-Fleur-Johnson came by. She & Bert started talking. I was upset by the way Marie ignored me. (She had been a bride’s maid at Andy’s wedding.) I later gave Bert a free copy of my world-history book. I had angry thoughts about Marie, feminist culture & myself. I bought some tapes in the Eck book room but was too cheap to buy Book 2 or the Shariat ki-Sugmad. In the check out line, I encountered a 40-ish red-headed woman, quite attractive, who asked me “Do you remember me?” I said “yes”, even though I didn’t remember who she was or where I had met her. Was. trying to remember this for most of the afternoon while I participated in two workshops. Was very sleepy.
Before the Saturday program, I sat at a table eating soup. Marie came up to me in a friendly manner & apologized for being too busy to talk with me before. She had read my mind. My attitude softened immediately. She suggested that, to have more friends at Eck events, I might participate in a Satsang class & other events. I think she sensed my social unease. I told Marie that my real problem was lack of inner experiences. I was unsure of having had the first one in the dream state. She replied that the first initiation was quite informal. She could not remember hers either, twenty-two years before. I took this as a sign that maybe I should proceed to the second initiation.
Although I did not stand in line, I managed to get a seat fairly close to the Mahanta on the right side. The Mahanta talked of the Secret Path of Eckankar. He read a letter from a higher initiate stressing that the second initiation formed a solid bond to Eckankar. He also gave a spiritual exercise. His mentioning the second initiation several times reconfirmed the view that I should take the second initiation.
I attended the Sunday Hu chant & bought the deluxe copy of the Shariyat-ki-Sugmad. Read five chapters today in the second book. This whole experience has been quite tiring. Have many neglected errands.

November 22, 2000. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I have had a most productive week from the standpoint of writing. Last Saturday, November 18, I spent much of the day protesting at an ACORN tour of sham properties & attending a meeting of the radio diversity group. Nora came over to get $33 to finance a party for a woman who was being initiated. Invited to attend, I refused because I wanted to get started on writing my next book. I told Dad it would be called “Form, Rhythm and Self-Consciousness”. When that did not grab him, I thought maybe Rhythm & Self-Consciousness would be OK.
I thought last weekend that I should go ahead with writing the new book so I could have it finished by the time that Lianlian and Celia arrive from China. The National Visa Center said it would take 3 months after they received the documents from Celia. I will have to visit my parents in Pennsylvania and may have to do something about housing when Lianlian and Celia arrive. So I did stay home on Sunday (Nov. 19) and began writing the book. I had made some handwritten notes on the Brumbaugh book, “Spirit of Western Philosophy”, on relevant newspaper and magazine articles, and on the early source notes. On Sunday, I started composing at the computer keyboard. I finished 4 1/2 pages (through alphabetic writing) on the first day, and completed Chapter 1 on the second day, Monday. Then I headed into the Plato chapter(Chapter 2) without a clear idea of which materials to include in the chapter. My head was sore from the heavy writing in the previous two days. But I had an insight of how chapter 2 might be organized & wrote it on page 4 of my new note series. Again on Tuesday morning I started composing at the computer. (Actually I had written one page of Chapter 2 on Monday evening.) I got through page 4 of chapter 2 plus a few lines by Tuesday evening. Today, Wednesday, I finished chapter 2 despite shopping at Cub Foods. (Most of yesterday’s 3 pages were done in the evening before the 10 pm newscast.) Eve White has been calling me several times a day during this period. I also went to an Executive Committee meeting at Charlie’s house Tuesday afternoon between 1 and 4 pm. So I’m proud that I have been tackling the new book with the help of coffee. It seems well-organized & well-written to me - so far. I begin Chapter 3 tomorrow, Thanksgiving, before going to Harv & Julie’s apartment.

December 4, 2000. Carol Morimitsu gave me my second initiation in Eckankar around 5:30 pm on. Friday, December 1. My secret word reminds me of England or the UK. I am not going to reveal it. Also, I will need to fast on Fridays and write initiates’ reports.
Saturday I met Nora, Debbie Zubal, Tom, Bill, and others at the Chanhassen dinner theater to see a production of Oklahoma. Sunday went to a service at the Temple of Eck. After spilling tea on the table cloth, I asked asked Alison Power whether my determination to complete writing projects represented a “first priority” which would interfere with my spiritual progress. Generally the answer was no. Later went to a going-away party for Nora, who is moving to Hong Kong. Thursday began with a 7 am breakfast meeting with Bob Behnke from Oregon, followed by a morning transit task force meeting and a luncheon meeting o transit experts. There seems to be interest in smart jitneys, especially from Nancy Smith of Metro Council.
I completed Chapter 4 of “Rhythm and Self-Consciousness” on Wednesday, November 29. Haven’t done any writing since due to other commitments on my time and attention. This morning at 11 am we have an Executive Committee meeting at MPRAC. Then in the afternoon writing can resume.

Dec. 17. Sunday. Have just completed Chapter 8 about 3 pm. I expect that there will be two other chapters in the book. I expect to complete at least one more chapter before I drive to Milford, most likely Thursday morning. Have really been concentrating. Finished 3-4 pages of Chapter 8 on Friday, Dec. 15, another on Saturday, and 3 more today. I will begin organizing materials to start the 9th chapter, perhaps today. Getting through Chapter 7 was the most difficult because I had to introduce self-consciousness in an efficient yet ample way. In Chapter 8, the first 3 pages were difficult once I got into abstraction. I had most of the materials from previous writings. During this time Eve White has been telephoning me 3-5 times a day about MPRAC and personal matters. I generally take her calls & spend plenty of time, but lately have cut some of them short. I think I might have been working on Chapter 6 (athletics) a week ago on Saturday, December 9th. Charlie Disney called & invited me to Nora Truelson’s Christmas party (also invitation from Toni McCloney) but didn’t go to either because I was sick in bed Saturday night.

Dec. 9. Did immediately (same day) use Charlie’s observations about table-tennis playing. So far, Chapters 6, 7 & 8 have been the most difficult & dense. Of course, I’ve also been paying close attention to the presidential election (settled last Wednesday) & attended the MPRAC meeting. Also attended an event with Greg Luce. Eve White & John Penterman also there. Have been knocking out chapters about 1 every 3 days after the long hiatus between Nov. 30 & December 3. Fasted both Fridays (Dec. 8 & 15) & it didn’t hinder my writing. Did give me headaches the the following day.

12-20-00. I finished the book - 10th chapter, around 2:30 pm today. Wrote chapter 10 in the last 2 days -7 pages yesterday and 4 today. Then photocopied everything at Copymax. 102 pages in all.

Dec. 31, 2000 8 pm in Milford. Have spent 3 hours with Peter & Reggie who own corner house in Milford. Saw Mother earlier in the day & then Dad, who has started reading my world-history book. Shortly I will head for Jersey City and then Times Square, New York, to celebrate what many say is the true changing of the Millennium.

Jan 17 (Wednesday) Note: I did go to Times Square News Year’s Eve. Arrived from the PATH around 20 minutes before midnight. Was around 35th & Broadway. Then returned home. Left Milford on Jan. 3. Bought a rose for Mother. She smiled & said I shouldn’t have spent my money.
This evening I have finished going through chapter 10 & the author’s statement of my new book. Started this around Sunday, the 9th of January. Managed to average about one chapter a day on fairly hard work. Have done little else since I’ve been back. I was hoping to pay down debt. However, 2,000 worth of gas bills in Minnesota and $420 in Milford are blowing my budget. Will have to raise rents.

Jan 28 (Sunday) This is the 1st anniversary of my marriage & Lianlian still in Beijing. I will call her. I am in the middle of Chaper 7 in my second rewriting of the book.
Jan 30. I have finished rewriting for the second time Chapter 10, and in the evening, also Appendix 2 (my writing experience). When I returned from Milford on Jan.4, I intended only to rewrite once. (The original MSS was completed in 1st draft in December.) It took about 10-12 days to do this, starting around Jan. 7th. Then I thought I would rewrite the first chapter and maybe part of the second twice because this would be the first part a reader would encounter. He or she would decide whether to continue with the book; so I wanted the beginning to be extra good. But then I continued with the second writing all the way through the book, finishing today. I made major revisions. Usually worked from the typed MSS done after the first revision (had also corrected the double-spacing after sentences & done spell check). But after a page or two of marked-up corrections, I would input them on the word processor. I may triple check the 1st chapter tomorrow. See how it goes. Today the roof leaked badly at the apartment. Roberto said he’d come tomorrow.

11:30 pm, Feb. 20, 2001. Half hour to my 60th birthday. Eve White called about protesting ACORN proposal at City Hall. I drove Maw Lee there.

Feb. 21 11:51. Wrote letter to the editor about Elroy Stock. Dinner with Harv & Julie.

March 2, 2001. At Robert Bly’s. Robert did a heart meditation focusing on each of us. His characterization of me: 1. I was the only person in the group who wrote a long work. 2. was trying to marry a person on each continent. 3. I had a beautiful way of dealing with my sorrow. Then we in turn said complimentary things about Robert. His depression lifted. I brought in spirit of “mad at Minnesota” - ie. Martin.

March 31 - Just spoke with Dr. Kaufman at Mercy hospital who asked permission to insert a “central line” for fluids in Mother’s body. I gave permission. Then Margaret called who said she had medical power of attorney & they should be dealing with her. Mother isn’t expected to live through this week. I had better drive to Pennsylvania.

April 5 - On the evening of April 3rd I drove straight to Bon Secours (Mercy) hospital in Port Jervis to see Mother. I had Hued the whole way from Scranton to PJ. Mother was still alive but she was hooked to an oxygen machine & was breathing hard. Didn’t open her eyes. I called Dr. Shah the following day (yesterday). Mother had a major stroke on the day when she went into the hospital. She is also showing signs of kidney failure. The cancer apparently has nothing to do with either of these conditions. Mother is in a coma. However, tests for meningitis came back negative. If she continues to live, she may go back to Milford Valley Convalescence Home. Afterwards, I dropped by Joe & Helga Fallers’ home in Port Jervis (4 Willard street) to see what they know.
Yesterday I drove to Andover Subacute & Rehab Center to see Dad. He was in bed. I announced my arrival, shook Dad greatly & he opened his eyes. Showed no sign of recognition. Went back to sleep. I tried a number of times but Dad didn’t want to wake up. So I went outside for 30 minutes to read a book. By then, lunch was being served. Dad said he was interested in taking a trip to see Mother & Milford house. So we did both. Dad was still lethargic but seemed interested in the scenario. It was a bright pre-spring day. I played a Grateful Dead tape. Dad seemed moved by the sight of Mom. Held her hand. Meanwhile, I got the report from Dr. Shah by telephone in Mom’s room. Told Dad. After a short time, he said, “Let’s go.” So we went back to Milford. I ordered a bottle of Heinikens from Lisa at the Dimmick Inn. Dad enjoyed this & took a nap. He still wasn’t talkative on the way home but was better than before.

April 6, 2001. Mother died today around 1 pm in room 311 of the Bon Secours hospital in Port Jervis. I was at the Andover facility with Dad when Helga called to tell me that Mother had “passed”. I was reading the book on education by ED Hirsch. Dad was in bed. He quickly dressed. We drove to Meyers Florist to order flowers to be by her body (which will be cremated tomorrow at Margaret’s instructions.). Then we sent to Stroyan funeral home & spoke to Chris. Finally Dad I drove to Bon Secours hospital. A dark-haired nurse said Mother had not been alone when she died - she, the nurse, had been there. Mother had died peacefully in no apparent pain. Mother’s mouth was wide open. Her eyes were closed, of course. Her hands were cold, though there was some warmth in her arm by her body. I wheeled in Dad to see her but Dad did not want to stay long. I was alone with Mom for 10-15 minutes. Held her hand, kissed her forehead, said prayers, etc. Was crying. Dad was glum & somewhat depressed. Most of the time he sat out by the nurse’s station in his wheelchair. We returned to the Milford house to write Mom’s obituary after the notes that she had put near the desk. Wanted to give this to Stroyan. I took Dad back to Andover; he was a bit more talkative then. Then I returned to Stroyan’s with the obituary. Requested a clip of her hair before she was cremated. They obliged. Now it’s 8:45. Mom has been dead almost 8 hours. I don’t know what to make of this moment.

Friday, April 6th, was a dreary day - overcast, cool (the previous day was sunny) - and slightly rainy.

April 7. Started to write Mayoral Manifesto. Then picked up Dad - drove to Milford & Twin Lakes, then on “Deer road”. I asked Dad if Mother hd forgiven me for marrying Sheila. He said only that Mother had talked with Sheila on the phone & didn’t like her. Sheila had said that she ought to go along with Andy & me to China. Mother didn’t like that. I later visited Milford Valley Convalescent Home. White-haired nurse said she had taken care of Mother for several months. Mother had suffered from a “seizure” - convulsions - for the first time on the day when she was taken to Bon Secours hospital - maybe Thursday, March 29th. I also saw Iris Moon, mother’s roommate for two years & thanked her for her companionship.

May 1. Went to poetry reading by Coleman Barks and Robert Bly. Robert was sparkling with wit as was Coleman - back to his old self. I thought we Sufis were lucky to have spent so many years with Robert Bly, giving so little. Afterwards I ran into Annie - a petite, soft-spoken woman from Eckankar. I had never had a meaningful discussion with her in all my years. But we were able to talk together. So I was thankful to be able to approach this gentle woman. Afterwards, I bought a book apiece written by Bly & Barks. Had a friendly discussion with Coleman Barks about being a landlord. His two sons are landlords in Athens, Georgia. Bly was not so friendly. He ignored me at first. Then he said apologetically that he hadn’t had a chance to read my manuscript. I told him that’s OK. I would go with others. He mentioned a meeting of the Sufis in May. (I had left two messages on Robert’s machine asking about the quotations.) The Sufi group dissolved while I was visiting Pennsylvania. Cause was poor attendance. Time for soul searching.
Another point. When I called several days ago, he reported that he had recently been to see Margaret and her daughters. There was no animosity between them. Dad was happy about this. When I asked how Dad had travelled to see her, he didn’t know. He admitted that he might have been hallucinating about the visit. I think it was a vivid dream.

July 14, 2001. Today we buried Mother in the Milford cemetery next to the Sawyer plot. Margaret, George & children + Molly Jane, Dad & David were there. Dad in his wheelchair. Aunt Aurie, Drew Durham, George & Ellen Durham, various children, Helga & Joe Faller were there. Much of the ceremony was music performed by the Isaacson children. I then invited myself to say a few words about Mother. I said there were reminders of Mother everywhere - in the name tags sewn in socks, in the Swiss cow bells - all a tribute to Mother’s creativity. I ended on the Eck phrases - may the blessings be. Then we each shoveled dirt upon the black box in the foot-wide hole - Mother’s ashes. Afterwards we gathered for lunch at the Dimmick Inn. Dad made some soft-spoken remarks - said each shovel full of dirt touched his heart. I sat between Emily & David & across the table from George’s wife Ellen. Dad wanted to go to the house to sleep. I rolled the wheelchair down the hill. Then I returned to the Dimmick to carry out my mission - to deliver to Margaret Dad’s letter of August 11, 1999, revoking Margaret’s power of attorney. Margaret said only “I see”. I invited her to come to the house to talk about it. She indicated that she would not come. An hour later, I decided to drive Dad to Twin Lakes where Margaret was staying. People were considerably more friendly, especially George Durham. Margaret & Dad had a brief talk. Dad did not back down. Earlier I had told Joe that Margaret no longer had the power of attorney. Helga came over demanding to know what had happened & brow beating Dad. I told Helga we would initially keep the same arrangements with her which Margaret had. I turns out that Helga was taking Dad’s entire Social Security check - perhaps $2,000 - in exchange for her services.
I was hoping that Lianlian & Celia would be able to fly to Newark on July 18th but Lianlian’s criminal history document had expired so the visa was not approved. She flew back to Beijing (which has now received the 2008 Olympics) to update the document; then mailed it to Celia. Min, the travel agent, said flight dates in August are almost impossible to get. She will try to work with cancellations next week.
Just called Eve White to tell her about my idea for the August show - me interviewing prospective city department heads.

7-16-01. Dad said that he was walking near 43rd street and Broadway in 1935 when he heard mother call out his name. That’s how they met.

7-30-01. It’s Monday evening. I sit in Dad’s chair in the Milford house as my new wife & daughter fly over the Pacific ocean from China to the United States. Tomorrow I meet them at the Newark airport. They are flying from Beijing to Detroit and then to Newark on East China Airlines with scheduled arrival time 1:30 pm.
Milford is beautiful but I have met with two frustrating situations. First, in the aftermath of revoking the power of attorney, we seem to have little cooperation from Margaret & Helga. Margaret’s letter to Dad, in response to his, denies that Margaret has any knowledge of expenditures from Dad’s checking account - ie, location of check register or of past bank statements - which is almost certainly untrue. Though requested to do so, Margaret also declines to disclose the asset from which Dad’s nursing home payments are made - $5,900 a month. Helga, in a telephone conversation, likewise denies any knowledge of finances and refuses even to acknowledge that the power of attorney has been revoked. She simply wants me out of the picture. The fact is that someone - probably Helga - is depleting Dad’s checking account to the tune of $2,400 a month. It is a complete mess. Adding to the frustration is that Dad himself seems so little inclined to do anything. He liked the letters I wrote to Margaret and Helga but then declined to sign them or have them sent. I sent my own tough letter to Helga today warning her not to take advantage of a vulnerable adult - ie, Dad.
The other frustration has to do with the parking site construction. I have a permit from the Borough of Milford build a parking space on the triangular land near Blackberry Alley. But when I knocked on my neighbors’ door (the old Edington house) to make my plans known, I ran into fierce opposition from one of the two homosexual men living there. He wants me, instead, tho knock out a wall and put the parking space next to my house - a risky proposition. When I had Vinnie Besante, a paving contractor, come out to do an estimate, this man again came out of my house telling me I’d better have the permits, half the town’s against me, etc. I finally confronted him with equal anger and he backed off somewhat. But then I went over to his house, knocked on the door & said I’d abandon my plans if someone would sell me space for an alternative site. This seemed to appease him a bit. I circulated about 15 letters to houses in the neighborhood. One recipient, Jim Emery, came over to make suggestions about the parking space - he prefers my location. He also has a great knowledge of Milford history. And so, I have not been begun to construct the lot. This will have to wait until I return from Minnesota.
Margaret paid a security deposit when she moved Dad into the Andover Subacute & Rehabilitation Center so, even if this month’s payment is not made, Dad can stay at Andover through August. Margaret may make additional payments though she is not authorized to deplete Dad’s assets. If she does not make a payment, Andover will evict Dad. If he moves back to the Milford house, we will have to be back there to be with him, which will limit my stay in Minneapolis to 3-4 weeks. I have lots to do in that time.
I‘m running for Mayor of Minneapolis & will need time to distribute my literature after it is produced. Eve White told me on the phone that Brian Herron was indicted for bribery. The political situation is wide open. So it is a productive environment in which I will be campaigning. Also, I hope to buy the condemned house at 1715 Glenwood from Keith Schroeder. If the deal is not concluded by August 8, it will become tax-forfeited. Third, I hope to produce a video on Albert Schweitzer’s view of the Messianic self-consciousness of Jesus. This will take much time in preparation & production, especially to produce the graphics. Finally, there is work in promoting my new book, updating the website http://.www.worldhistorysite.com, collecting rents, etc. Then, too, I will need to devote time to building a new life with my wife and daughter.

11/18/01. Lian and I drove to Wirth Lake at 4 am to watch the Leonid meteor shower. We sat on the dismantled dock looking at the cloudy sky. Couldn’t even see any stars at first. Then the sky gradually cleared. We stayed about an hour snuggling against each other. I kissed Lian every time either of us saw a shooting star. It was a very romantic occasion. Worried that the Golden Valley police would find our car. Then returned him & went to bed at 5 am. Such events strengthen our marriage.
Lian doesn’t like the early-morning phone calls I get from Eve White. She joked about how she handled another call from landlords when I was away. She would say: “I am a Chinese woman. I don't speak English well. What is your number? The person would say “612” (the area code). Lian would repeat “621” as if signaling to the other person that the message would not be transmitted.
On Wednesday, I got into an argument with Lian & Celia. I spent all morning with them at the Salvation Army. Then we had lunch. Around 1 pm, I angrily said that I hadn’t gotten anything done today. Later I found Lian crying - worried about my anger - I spent more time comforting her, then drove Lian to the library & Celia to Hollywood Video. Finally we watched the Blair Witch project in the evening. There is a conflict in that Loan demands that I spend time with her & prepares 3 meals a day which take me from my work. I feel unable to do the paperwork I need to do, let alone break ground on new writing.
We have talked about going to China so Lian could get in vitro fertilization with my sperm. Some problems: 1. only 20-30% success rate, $2,500 cost in Beijing (plus $1,500 travel vs. $10,000-$20,000 in US, need for Lian to stay in China for 2-3 months. I need to do my income tax shortly after Jan. 31 to help Celia apply for college aid. Also, we needed to get two medical tests done in the US, but they all involved an initial doctor’s consultation about $250. Also needed to make an appointment far ahead of time.

Dec. 28. When Dad and David were here for Christmas - Dad hardly got out of bed (in living room). Because of an intense itch in his back, he was in pain through much of the night. He would let out loud screams of pain. At other times, however, he would recite a poem which I had never heard before:
“Above the roaring traffic born, In the quiet of my lonely room, I dream of you.
Yes, indeed I do. Night and day, Day and night, You’re the tops. You’re the Leaning Tower of Pisa, You’re the Mona Lisa, You spent a day with Hemingway.”
Dad wouldn’t say where this poem came from; maybe he made it up.
I have gotten into arguments with Lian this holiday. She objects to my worrying & anger about the reinstated power of attorney. She said maybe my father favors Margaret because of her career success. Yesterday when I told her it was impractical to use earth-moving equipment to build the parking space, she became angry & withdrawn. On the other hand, she helped me to stop the leak in the kitchen sink - use oil to turn the shut off valve. We saved a plumber’s visit. Lian also fixed the shower curtain rod in Mother’s bathroom. She has been cleaning the attic, too, and fixing meals.
She and Celia were greatly disturbed by David’s wandering into other people’s bedrooms at night to use the bathroom. Because he had wet his diaper, he had nothing on below his shirt.
On this visit, I wanted to resolve the problem about the reinstated power of attorney. Helga and Joe came over bearing Christmas cookies. I visited Art Ridley’s office to ask for a copy of the POA. I tried to discuss the matter with Dad. He said that he didn’t remember signing the new POA. Ridley said he had received a call from Helga to visit the Milford house. Dad wanted to talk with him. (He had denied to me knowing anything until after the deed was done.) Dad said he wished to have his expenses paid. Ridley thought Dad was rational & uncoerced. Afterwards, I drove to the Pike County Office of Aging to file a complaint about financial exploitation of my father’s assets. The director took the information from me, made photocopies of the November bank statement, and said it would be referred for investigation to her counterpart in Sussex County New Jersey. Dad will be interviewed. So this matter is taken care of.

January 1, 2002. I am writing this in the morning before Lian and Celia have arisen. Made coffee and then went to sit in front of Andy’s urn in the dining room. Yesterday we were to have gone to New York City for sightseeing. About eight miles beyond the bridge over the Delaware, I began to notice car trouble. I could see smoke trailing the car. We turned around (twice) to return to Milford but lost power completely on an upward hill slope. I walked and was picked up - bought transmission fluid at Hainesville gas station. A nice Indian man helped. Finally, I had the car towed to a shop in Montague, NJ. There is a broken seal in the catalytic converter. The engine needs to be removed. Yes, it leaked transmission fluid. It will cost over $500 to fix this and our return to Minnesota will be delayed.
I saw Dad the day before. He slept as I waited in the wheelchair beside the bed. The nurse woke Dad and got him dressed. I wheeled him downstairs. Dad wasn’t talkative. He was in pain because of the itch on his skin, especially on the back and neck. Dad spoke of wanting someone to shoot him. I had spoken to the nurse about this. two days earlier after he had come to Milford (with David) for Christmas. I had asked them to refer Dad to a dermatologist. They said this had already been done. Dad had a psycho-dermatological condition. They used salves on him which seemed to work and on medication.
I had intended talk with Dad about the reinstated power of attorney. Dad remembers little about this. It was clear that Dad was in no condition to talk about this; maybe this issue was more my concern than his. I got it off my chest, so to speak, by making a complaint to the Pike Co. office of aging about possible financial exploitation of Dad by Helga and Margaret. Art Ridley told me that Helga had summoned him to the Milford house to talk with Dad about some business. Helga had previously told me that she had first learned from Dad of the reinstated power of attorney. So Helga (who had brought cookies) wasn’t telling the whole truth. I have last November’s bank statement from First Union showing that Helga has started writing big checks to cash again which she endorses.
Larry Price came over Saturday, Dec. 29, to have dinner & take a walk through Milford with Celia and me. He had some strong opinions about the POA. He’s a good conversationalist and enjoyed talking with Celia.
Otherwise, I reread David Kopf’s book, ”Scratches on Kali’s Mind”, and have been reading the Schweitzer book and organizing notes for a videotaped talk on the Messianic Self-consciousness of Jesus.

Jan 24, 2002. A lively session at Robert Bly’s. I invited the spirits of “earthquakes, volcanoes, and hurricanes” to add energy to our group. Sang creative chatter. Sage Harmos has invented a new type of guitar which he is developing in Minnesota. I was impressed. Harmos also told us that his ex-wife Kathy is poisoning their children’s minds against him & his parents & raising 5-year-old in diapers. Eric Storlie said Sage should be in Colorado with his children. I said I disagreed. It was no life to go to Colorado to be in a pissing match. Walton Stanley said the children’s interests were paramount. At the end I sent back the turbulent spirits & also the spirits of Miss Goodie Two Shoes”, who was not invited - a slap at Walton.
Asked to reveal spirit in my life, I told the story of almost selling the building and realizing the new owner would have to raise rents. So I raised the rents myself. Robt. Bly said it was a “sordid story”.

May 26, 2002. Between 10:00 am and 10:30 am this morning, Dr. Leo and associates inserted my sperm into Lian’s body at the women’s hospital just east of the Forbidden City. We rose early (5:30 am) at the big apartment and left around 6 am (maybe later) to take the bus (930) and subway to Tiananmen station east. Then walked to the hospital up the tree-shaded street (with art galleries) to the hospital. It took about one half hour to walk this distance because we stopped for a bite to eat (a meat-filled roll) and buy bottles of cold water. The appointment with Dr. Leo was at 8 am. I had the first task - to ejaculate & place my sperm in a small container. Went into a small room with large picture of naked man & woman on the beach. I used a porn magazine (autographed to me by the centerfold) which I had obtained at Book Expo 2000 in Chicago in June 2000. Even so, I got soft after a quick hard-on & had to think of some personal experiences to get my erection again. Finally I came. The quantity of semen was small. Lian was waiting in the room outside. We had kept the “dirty water” magazine inside a bag and envelope because such material is illegal in China. So I completed the purpose for which I had come to China.
The doctors performed some operation involving the semen. I was asked to sit by myself in another room which had a view of the palace roofs on Tiananmen square. Lian joined me occasionally. We were worried that my sperm might have a low activity level & thus be unable to complete the final journey to Lian’s egg. If this didn’t work, we would have to fertilize the egg in a test tube and reinsert the fertilized embryo into her body. But Dr. Leo said that the condition of my sperm was better than last time, which was encouraging. Eventually the time came for Lian to have her operation. She left around 10. Around 10:30, Dr. Leo stopped by to say that Lian’s operation had been a success but that Lian would have to rest for 1/2 hour before joining me. In the next few days we would know whether or not the egg had been fertilized. I was alert having chanted HU silently for a few minutes.
Afterwards, around 11 am, Dr. Leo, Lian, and I gathered for a short walk to a nearby restaurant where Ah Mao and Ms. Cui were waiting. Our luncheon together (I sat across from Dr. Leo) lasted until after 2:30 pm. Had beer, Beijing duck, and many other dishes. Afterwards, we said goodbye to Dr. Leo (a 36-year-old woman) and took a bus to Tiananmen square. Had a short conversation with Ms. Cui who stressed the importance to her of starting a family. She has given me two pictures and personal ID info to give to Keith Baker. Then Lian and I took a bus to the big apartment. Ah Mao joined us later. We slept much of the late afternoon.
I have been to Beijing twice in the last month to get in vitro fertility treatment: (1) April 16-May 6, 2002. (2) May 16 to May 26 (tomorrow morning)

5/27 Now flying over California about 40 minutes north of Los Angeles. The last 10-day trip accomplished its purpose if Lian has become pregnant. Should know in the next day or two. Lian was a bit angry that I defended Eve White as we drove to Beijing Capitol Airport - not serious. She had to go straight to the hospital, While in China this time, took a trip with Li Fei, Huang Yong, and Dr. Tu (a landlord) to homes in the mountains about 50 miles northwest of Beijing which date back 400-500 years. Also had slogans from the Cultural Revolution. Good discussions with Huang Yang& Mr. Tu. Li Fei just lost her father. I was not able to report encouraging news about Carl Harstad. Several days before, had dinner with Li Fei, Lian, and Ruth at Chairman Mao’s restaurant. Not in a good mood because Lian had visited doctors (friends of Li Fei) who stressed the dangers of Lian’s pregnancy (because she had high blood pressure during Celia’s birth and is at risk from diabetes. ) At dinner we argued about China vs. USA during the Korean war. Li Fei thought it was an internal dispute among Koreans & USA had no right to intervene. Afterwards, I left my Taishan hat at the restaurant. We had to retrieve it several days later. But the pregnancy operation on Sunday went well. Earlier in the week, had dinner with Mr. Dai (not the journalist but hotel general manager) and an employee of Shangrilla Hotel. Also met with Miss Lu again who has helped Lian with small apartment. Lian has bought new shelves and drawers for small apt. to create more space. Went to Beijing zoo with Lian & photographed being hoisted by an elephant.
I return to Minneapolis for one day (May 28) and then at 6 am on May 29 take a flight to Jamaica to attend the ISCSC conference. (In reparation, have been reading Palmer Talbott’s book on Pitriam Sorokin and the Comparative Civilization
Review. I have the lead article.). Will land in L.A. in 15 minutes so I have to discontinue.

June 3, 2002. Sitting in the bedroom of Villa 23 at Frenchman’s Cove after the ISCSC conference. Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip stayed here years ago. Yesterday around 10 am Robert Hausly, one of the conference presenters, died at sea. He was swimming with us at the beach and apparently drifted out too far. His body has not yet been found,). Go to dinner with the Bledsoes at Port Antonio tonight.

June 30, 2002. This would have been the 60th birthday if my brother Andy (also the 29th wedding anniversary of my first marriage). Lian is lying in bed. We went to Eve White’s birthday yesterday afternoon. Lian is concerned that Celia cannot eat lunch because she has to pay $500 to St. Olaf. I will have to come up with some money.

July 2, 2002. Last night, Lian slept in the other room because she was mad that I had objected to her buying some junk food at a supermarket (along with Diet Coke). She did work much of the afternoon sorting out junk in the basement. I want to talk with her about pressures on me - a new pressure, no coffee this morning because of a power outage in the kitchen.
1. I thought I had a renter for 1702 Glenwood but yesterday, on the date when the Section 8 inspection was to take place, Section 8 (Joyce Mason) told me that the renter, Traci Dott, was renting another apartment. Traci blamed this on a Section 8 paperwork problem, but throughout the day she did not return my phone calls. I later learned that Traci was moving to a house - didn’t do me the courtesy of telling me about it. So I have to advertise the apartment again- I’ve turned down many callers. This was shabby.
2. My biggest problem is failure to conceive a child. I have given Lian more than $7,000 (not counting cost of air travel) in China, but the first operation failed. Maybe to another $4,000 + air tickets we can get in vitro fertilization. Even so, the chance of having a healthy baby is slim. This could be a money pit & tie me down in long visits to China.
3. I bought the condemned house hat 1715 Glenwood. My strategy of getting Shannon Harrelson (Eve’s handyman) to work on plumbing & electrical first has been threatened by Shannon’s delays. Maybe I should get there code comopliance now. This could become a money pit.
4. Lian is losing her small apartment in Beijing & seems to have no strategy to save it. She hasn’t gone back.
5. I had expected to bring Dad to Minneapolis or at least visit him.

September 24, 2002. Talked with Lian tonight. She’s in Beijing. Her return ticket is October 8th. We must decide whether she should stay longer to receive a fertilized egg. Lian said it was my decision. However, she also said that Dr. Liu had told her there would be a 60% chance that she would die if she became pregnant & carried the baby to term. In that case, I said, we would not have the operation. But I emailed Dr. Liu asking her to confirm that probability. What has changed? Back in May, the health risk was not mentioned.

Sunday, Oct. 27. Lian did come home. We’ve given up on trying to have a baby. I’m unhappy and Lian is unhappy that I am unhappy. But other things are happening. I started writing my book on the Senate race on Wednesday, Oct. 16. Completed about 23 single-spaced pages until Oct. 25. Sen Paul Wellstone died in a plane crash that day. I was unable to complete the chapter on shorter-workweek theory. Lian & I went to memorial at state capitol. Saw Walter Mondale, who may succeed Wellstone. Saturday went to one day of Eckankar worldwide. Sri Harold Klemp talked about freedom in world history - Greeks vs. Persians, Mark Twain. Need to do some campaign work before election. Meanwhile, I’ve faced a financial squeeze with maintenance work on 1715 Glenwood & 1702 Glenwood (reroofing). I should close on the lot sale on Tuesday. Citibank may have approved a line of credit after Wells Fargo promised & then rejected an additional $25,000 loan.

Saturday Nov. 16 - Finished writing Chapter 16 today about immigration. Now I return to a more autobiographical narration. I think I started writing this last sequence, starting with the KKK rally, about a week ago. I volunteered in Diane Reed’s campaign on Tuesday, Nov. 5, then caught cold & was sick for a day or two. Then I started writing. A hiatus from Saturday, Nov. 2, until Nov. 5, because I worked on campaigns. Went on the Penny bus to LeCenter, Montgomery, New Prague, Waseca & Faribault. (Dean Barkley was on bus.) Sunday did leafleting for Penny & Reed & - Monday evening, I was part of IP protest at the Coleman-Penny on bridge. Mondale debate. Tuesday evening went to the Penny rally at Mall of America. Also involved in reroofing 1702 Glenwood & some work related to 1715 Glenwood. Yesterday there was a power failure while I was writing chapters 14 & 15. I lost about page & nervously tried to reconstruct. Had two redo 2 paragraphs.

Tuesday Nov. 19 Finished chapter 20 & IndeParty-4 file. I have written at a frantic pace since the weekend. Dad 3 pages of chapter 19 & all of chapter 20 today. Started IndepParty-4 perhaps on Saturday. Much writing on Sunday, followed by dinner with Robert & Diane & visit to mortuary on Sunday evening. Yesterday, Monday, did another 1 to 1 1/2 chapters, which focus on my personal history. IndeParty-3 was begun a few days after the Nov. 5th election. For the past two weeks I’ve focused on writing the book to the exclusion of most else.

11-21-02. Wrote chapters 21 & 22 on Wednesday 23, or Thursday. Moving right along. Almost done.

11-24. Yesterday wrote chapter on solution - Part I. Interrupted writing to take Lian to Asian restaurant in St. Paul & listen to Garrison Keillor. The day before (11-23) I wrote chapter on Senate campaign & its aftermath. Have been getting at least one chapter done each day. Meanwhile, I’m squeezed for cash. Shannon wants another $1,000 for plumbing he did this week - Eubanks & Schlettechah haven’t yet paid rent. Later today - finished last two chapters of the book today 11/24

11-26 Continued writing the campaign travelogue.

11-27. Citibank rejected my loan application for a $30,000 loan. First they said the reason was because of a bankruptcy - but I had sent copy of affidavit of fraud & it was accepted. Then the reason was that the ratio of my debts to income was too high. I have two possible alternatives to US Bank & Ameriquest. In both cases, I would have to pay at least $300 for an appraisal and then point equalling 2-7% of the loan plus interest at 6 or 7%. Now it seems that the best thing to do is to sell stock. The five stocks I bought in July have risen from $17,000 to $33,000. There would be a huge gain adding to next year’s income-tax bill. Maybe the best thing is to sell my US Bank stock - can get the money in four business days. This, too, would result in increased income tax, but the tax for the following year will also be high because of land sale. So, bite the bullet now.
Maybe raise $20,000 initially through stock sales without increasing my debt. Then in January I may get $25,000 or so, which I can use either to pay down debt or buy back stock; I will also need money for self-publishing. By that time, the duplex at 1715 Glenwood should be rented and I will have additional income. Maybe next January, after my debt ratio has improved, I can try to get another low-cost loan for debt consolidation.

Dec 5, 2002. Lian got her drivers license today. I didn’t get as much done on the book. Did finish inputting corrections already identified in the manuscript. After finishing the last chapter on November 2, 2002, I finished the travelogue in Appendix A. Then I completed the index as a whole. Did table of contents & titled all the chapters. Then tried to find missing information in the MSS. Couldn’t find the fax letter. Went to the attic in search of Claude Peck column. Then I assembled newspaper clippings for information I might add to the MSS. Tomorrow I hope to write short new material. Then begin a thorough rewriting of MSS.

Dec. 9. Learned today that the pipes froze in Milford house. Eric of Milford Plumbing & Heating will winterize house. & shut it down. I wrote chapter about lawyers & politicians (16) today plus last page or two of chapter 29. Yesterday wrote Chapter 29. Before that added to Chapter 30. Have corrected 1st 4 chapters.

Dec. 18. Won’t be going to Milford because the heat will be turned off. Yesterday, Tuesday, I finished rewriting the text of the 30 chapters while adding new chapters “on Lawyers & Politicians”, “confronting our demons”. I generally could check 2-3 chapters a day. Yesterday I got up early to do the last two - did 4 the day before. Sent over to Disney’s house to give him copy of MSS. Also will see Alan Shilepsky & give copy to Braun Associates.

Dec. 31, 2002. It’s been a good year. Have headache but going to New Years Eve party at Frank’s.

2-15-2003. Had Ginny & Tim to dinner to celebrate the 5th anniversary of Ginny & Andy’s wedding. Ginny said that after Andy’s death, Kurt Anderson called to offer to sue me to get the money in Andy’s trust fund.

February 21, 2003. I turn 62 today and become eligible for Social Security though at a reduced rate. I have an appointment on March 4th to visit the office on Chicago Avenue. Today I have been on the phone with Dave Beaudet, a landlord in St. Paul accused of sexual harassment. Might have convinced him to hold a press conference despite Jack Homer’s objections.

February 23, 2003. Been thinking about David Beaudet’s press conference. Also, I hope to run for national political office using the book as a spring board. I thought of proposing to Leonora Fulani that she run for President and I for Vice President. I could make the same proposition to Cynthia McKinney, They would have to bring the political infrastructure. I would have to demonstrate that my book can sell. Then I would commit myself to spending the better part of a year visiting newspaper offices, TV & radio stations in a triangle between Minneapolis, Milford, and Chattanooga, TN. The odd couple of a black female and white male candidate should stir controversy and interest. The purpose would be to create a viable 3rd party. As the Republicans ran a Presidential candidate and lost in 1856 but won in 1860, so we would run a losing campaign but position ourselves to win in 2008.

April 16, 2003. I’ve been having lots of problems lately. Most recently, Mark Amsterdam asked me to have David’s doctor write a letter describing David’s current mental & physical condition. Margaret had called Dr. Patel at Benedictine hospital saying that she was his “legal representative”. Dr. Patel’s office wouldn’t talk with me. NE Center faxed copy of court order to Benedictine hospital but they haven’t received it. Dr. Patel won’t write a letter until David is discharged. I called Amsterdam to say I couldn’t complete the assignment.
On Friday, April 4th, when I was at the Sufi meeting, someone set fire to Randy Johnson’s apartment - #1 in my building. Randy had moved out the day before leaving all his belongings in the unit, after being beaten up by “Chris” (“Slim”), drug dealer across the street. Anthony saw a man named “Shorty” leaving the building shortly after 8 pm. I have submitted a claim to the insurance company. My policy will not be renewed after July.
Since the beginning of March, I have had a bad internet and email connection, even after switching from SBC to Earthlink. This affects Lian’s email connection. Diane’s boy friend, Todd, made a recommendation to fix the problem but I plan to try DSL.
I have had the feeling that little progress was being made on the restoration of 1715 Glenwood under Alan’s control. I pay for the hours of the Mexican workers but things look the same as before. I’ve talked with Alan. He makes promises, but we are not yet on track.
I’ve run out of money & credit. Until the insurance money is available, I’ll have barely enough to cover written checks. I’ve cashed in my Merrill Lynch IRA to get cash quicker. We really need to complete the work on 1715 Glenwood so I can devote attention to the news book.
Perhaps the most ominous problem is Lian’s attitude. She shows little sympathy for my financial problems - demands the $150 per month (though I pay the Cubs grocery bill). She keeps all the money which she earns from Target - still no health-insurance coverage. Now she has asked for $1,000 to go to China in June.
Last night Lian was angered when I objected to her buying so much meat at Cubs. Basically gave me the cold shoulder - slept in Celia’s room, wouldn’t hold my hand in the car. She said that she's unhappy in America. I know the crime on Glenwood has shocked her. She’s talking about Milford now, but worried about leaving Celia.
Lian shows little interest in my projects. Won’t talk about my new book. Thanks I’m crazy when I say I’ll run for President. Thinks my book & political campaign would be a big waste of money. Thinks I owe her a quiet life. She dislikes politics. She also dislikes landlords. Might have married me because I went to Yale. She found out that I had loaned Sheila $1,400 last summer & hasn’t forgiven me for it. Thinks I mismanage the apartment building - Says I need to put money into funds for maintenance (instead of paying off debt) and make a budget of anticipated expenses. Yet she does little to help me manage the apartment. I drive her to work at Target each morning. Lian and I need to have a talk about our expectations. She “married a chicken” but wants to convert me to something else.

July 1, 2003. Yesterday was Andy’s birthday - he would have been 61 - and also the 30th anniversary of my marriage to Carol Blessing. Carol now lives in Shorewood at the home of Franklin C. Larrimore. I called her last night because of the anniversary and identified myself. She replied in an angry, clipped voice: “Still stalking me after all these years?” (I haven’t spoken with her in perhaps 15 years.) I reminded her that we had been married 30 years ago. She replied, “Oh, God…” Then she said she didn’t want to talk with me again and hung up. “You have family”, Lian said, meaning herself & Celia. Lian & I are feeling good about each other.

8-13-03. I am beginning to sense that some of my projects this year are doomed to failure because I lack support from others. The biggest betrayal came from Sherman Harrelson whom I hired to do plumbing work at 1715 Glenwood. He did not finish installing the fixtures, skipped several apartments, and then didn’t pull a permit. I need a licensed plumber to pull permits & fix code violations so that the condemnation can be lifted. Also, I spent tens of thousands of dollars on Alan’s crew to do sheet rocking, etc. only to learn that they were featherbedding. Have had to take out loans at Wells Fargo for $103,000 and $50,000 plus sell other assets to pay my bills. I need to get the duplex opened & rented - also two apartment units including the one with the fire.
My campaign for President appears to be in shambles. First, there are only a few states where I can appear on a primary ballot. Iowa’s canvas system may not be suited to my type of campaign. The Star Tribune and Pioneer Press won’t review my book. My “big event” was the march in Des Moines this weekend. Last Sunday, I received an email from Alexandra Pelosi of HBO that she would not be in Des Moines on Aug. 16th and therefore would not be covering my event. I have desperately been trying to get people to go with me from the Twin Cities. The NCFM people I approached at a monthly meeting - I posted an email to their site. Charlie had responded by advising me to drop the white male phrase - I came across as a Nazi. Nels Otto told me that others had the same perception. So it’s unlikely that anyone promised to go. Lian promised to go, but has made it clear she opposes my political activities. After I invited Lena Morrison to go (Lena accepted), Lian pulled out altogether. She doesn't want to rent an apartment to Lena because she hates Sheila and all her family. Lena probably won’t go if she no longer has a chance of getting the apartment. So, my wife is failing to support me. She speaks of wanting to go back to China. She did sign the mortgage agreement with Diane Leding at Wells Fargo but wants to have equal say in how the money is to be spent. She said the only reason I wanted to live in Milford was so that she, Lian, could take care of my father. She also thinks that I gave her VD (she tested positive for something) and that means I must have had sex recently with another woman. She doesn’t believe my statement that I haven’t had sex with anyone else since our marriage. I think I’ll go ahead with the Des Moines event but perhaps abandon my race for the Presidency if that event is a bust. My stock market investments haven’t done well recently - eg., BMC.

10-24-03. “Take Back Your Time Day”. Attended taping of Jesse Ventura’s America & heard author of a book who said that LBJ killed JFK. Attended with Charlie Disney. In evening began Eckankar seminar.

12-20-03. My Presidential campaign is still “sitting at a red light” - ie, stalled in traffic. Have sent out maybe 1200 emails to political reporters around the country and had maybe 1 or 2 positive responses. Each message got several requests to remove the recipient from my email list. I always comply. Meanwhile, I‘ve done my best to offend liberal sensibilities about racial & gender issues.
1. Published straight talk about race in the Watchdog. 50,000 copies circulated. Had a response from a man named James
2. Challenged Archbishop Flynn’s pastoral letter on race at Lucille’s Kitchen event. Wrote a statement & description of event and mailed to media. Al McFarland of Insight News called to say they would use it.
3. Write letter to editor of Pulse criticizing a woman who urged overthrow of the patriarchal capitalistic society.
4. Write letter to editor of Star Tribune defending Strom Thurmond.
5. Visited Elroy Stock & let Norm Coleman know.
6. Challenged former police chief Tony Bouza’s policy of arresting men for domestic abuse. Got into shouting match at the landlord meeting.

Now my hopes are pinned on building a movement to draft Lou Dobbs for President. I might campaign in South Carolina and Louisiana as a stalking horse for him.

Dec. 25, 2003. I expected to be in Milford today. Was to have left yesterday on the 24th. But I was sick with the flu or a cold & in bed all day yesterday & part of the day today. Lian home today - also Yi and Celia.

1-29-04. Ed Anderson of the Times Picayune called. My filing in Louisiana has been accepted. Temperature will drop to 10-20 degrees tonight. I started writing “Uppity Man - get back in your cage” on they of the Iowa caucus & finished 11th chapter today.

2-3-04. The South Carolina primary is today. I arrived in Louisiana around noon & headed to the Motel 6 in Bossier City (Shreveport). Took a nap - I was tired, but realized I was paralyzed by fear. I was afraid to call newspaper editors, so I stayed in bed. Then, realizing my fear, I pulled myself together - I organized papers & placed a few phone calls. Have scheduled 2 visits tomorrow. Last night I slept in an alley in Alma, Arkansas, after a winding trip on US 71 south. There seemed to be no street parking. I parked in an alley behind an abandoned building. The dog barked. Two cars pulled in or out of garages between 11 & 2 am but no one disturbed me. It was cold. I peed in a coffee cup to avoid opening the door & making noise.

Feb. 20, 2004. Sitting in a Motel 6 in Slidell about 8 am. I have a radio interview with a station in Natchitoches at 9:10. Need to do my spiritual exercises as I have ever morning since arriving in Louisiana. Today begins a stretch of Mardi Gras events ending in “Fat Tuesday”, February 24th, Then I must try to hit the remaining community newspapers to leave a week for publication. The final week will be devoted to the remaining dailies, radio interviews, and TV appearances in big cities. Lian is in Fujian province across from Taiwan & may soon return to Beijing. So far, we’ve had a good reception from newspapers except for the one in Lafayette. I’m about half way in the Louisiana presidential priory campaign.

Feb. 29, 2004. I write this in the Motel 6 room (107) in West Baton Rouge (Port Allen) as I prepare to enter the home stretch of the campaign. Still there are a few newspapers I haven’t visited. Tuesday (March 2nd) may be the deadline for some community newspapers. I also need to visit Lafayette and Opelousas. But an important thrust of effort must be to line up radio interviews for the last week. Today I need to pass out literature in Baton Rouges I tried to do in New Orleans. The problem is finding a suitable location where politicking is not out of place. Should I carry the sign? Should I wear a hat? I’ll call Andrew Griffin to suggest that we have dinner at a restaurant In Alexandria where a television will report the results of the Louisiana primary. I will keep my cell phone on in case I receive calls from the national media.

March 5, 2004. I’m feeling some anxiety about the election. People don’t take it seriously since John Edwards withdrew after Super Tuesday. Tomorrow I’ve committed myself to walking the streets of News Orleans for six hours in my white cowboy hat. This type of activity is uncomfortable for me. Today I sent off more than 30 faxes to LA Tv stations & newspapers announcing the activities in the last three days. Only Keith Baker has called - just as I was about to tour Magnolia Mound plantation. Had a big dinner at Shoney’s last night. Cashed my $100 bill -had less than $20 in cash though I charge most on credit cards. Am spending more than $2000 on 1-inch ads in large Louisiana newspapers except for Monroe which tried to hold me up. Have two promises to invite me as a guest on radio talk show in New Orleans, but neither has called. Are they getting cold feet? May be diet-deprived - too much fruit & bread, not enough vegetables & diary products.

March 8, 2004. By this time tomorrow, I may have an idea whether this presidential campaign has been worthwhile or not. Today was relatively successful. A television reporter covered my campaign appearance both in Shreveport & Monroe. On the other time, a radio interview in Lafayette failed to materialize & the one with Jeff Crouer in New Orleans was shorter than expected. Drove quickly to Monroe after the Crouer (10 minute) interview. On. the way back, I visited the place where Bonnie Clyde were shot by lawmen in May 1934 - south of Gibsland. Just spoke with Lian. Tomorrow will drive to Alexandria, maybe to Baton Rouge.

3/9/04. Morning of election day. Had wake-up call at 5:15 intending to go to Baton Rouge to pass out literature at noon but then decided that the round-trip drive of 300 miles from Alexandria would not be worth it. Might be able to buy copies of out-of-town papers in Alexandria. I’m aware that TV coverage in Baton Rouge - by no means assured - would air at 5 pm at the earliest & by then many would already have voted. Such is true of my New Orleans broadcasts but that can be done on the road by cell phone. Have no basis for predicting the result of the primary election but feel I’ve done what I could.

3/23/04. David’s in the Kingston hospital for the second time in several days. He pulled out a catheter in his penis that allowed him to urinate; then did it a second time. I was called by the doctor & anesthologist to give consent. Now the doctor will do an operation to remove much of his prostate so the catherer won’t be necessary. The doctor said much of his urethra was damaged. Said twice that David was quite demented. Poor David. I tried to call him Sunday but he was in bed. That day, he went to the hospital for the first time.

4-25-04. Lian’s official 45th birthday. She's still sleeping. We’ll go to the zoo. Two weeks ago, on Easter, I started writing my book on Louisiana primary. I finished Chapter 17 yesterday -the Natchitoches conference. Has taken 2-3 days to write last two chapters. It went fast when I had written drafts from January before chapters 7-13.

4-28-04. Wrote two chapters today - 23 & 24 - on Mardi Gras. David is getting an operation to take the struts out.

5-1-04. Finished chapter 28 (ending campaign in Lafayette).

5-12-04. Chapter 37 finished 2 pm (Wednesday)

5-16-04. Lian told me about a week ago that she had married me for two reasons. 1. I was a kind person. 2. I went to Yale. She appreciates people with high education & said I could thank my father for sending me to Yale. Lately I’ve been working on the new book & haven’t spoken for some time to my father or to David. David has been in & out of the Kingston hospital.

Saturday, Aug. 21. The “On the Ballot in Louisiana” book is at the printer. Last Sunday or thereabouts I started working on the Schweitzer book. Might have written the introduction Tuesday. Chapter 1, Wednesday & Thursday. Now I’m one page into Chapter 2 & will try to finish it this weekend. Last night I thought Gold Party would be a good name for my weighted-voting scheme. Reserved domain name goldparty.org this morning.

Sept. 6. Yesterday, Sunday. I rewrote Chapter 1 of the Schweitzer book, which will be the new chapter 6. This means that the first draft of Part 1 is done. Today’s Labor Day. I’m cleaning up papers. Last week went to no. Wisconsin to put cinder blocks under the log cabin & went to state fair yesterday.

Sept. 29. In Milford, sitting in Mother’s old chair. Yesterday I visited David at Northeast Center for Special Care in Lake Katrine, NY. He talked for the first time, said “hi, Bill”, when I arrived. The nurses want me to designate David, “comfort care”, which means to withhold treatment & let him die. I questioned
Dr. Rectzer (last Tuesday) and Rachel the social worker about David’s condition. It is considered hopeless. I’ve also visited Dad nearly every day. He has begun to talk again. (For the past two years, since Jan. 2003, he had closed his eyes & fallen asleep during my visits.). However, he talks about dying. The big prospect has been to finish the retaining wall & parking space near the house. The load of dirt was delivered on Saturday. I’ve had a shovel or hoe many loads of dirt. Started this period by picking up a load of books (500+) at National Book Network in southern PA. Then returned on Wednesday for the other load. Later visited the battle ground at Gettysburg. Linda Davis has been on vacation but returned yesterday. Read R. Foster Winan’s book about 1989 insider trading on Wall Street.

10/1/04. Have just seen Dad. The nurses, including Daphne, had him talking. He said “Hi, Bill, you need a shave.” It was true. Again, said “Please, God, take care of me.” Now I drive to Stroudsburg and back to Minnesota.

11/7/04. At the chat table at the 2004 Eckankar Worldwide Seminar, I realized I had nothing to say because the others were all experienced Eckists who were talking about how Eckankar had transformed their lives. I didn’t have this experience. I was thinking about writing an initiates report to Sri Harold Klemp about my back sliding. I didn’t do spiritual exercises now because the more pressing obligation to let Do Do out of jail takes precedence. Then I looked on the internet under Darwin Gross & read the former Mahanta’s denunciation of his successor. I read an article by - Lane about how Paul Twitchell had plagiarized much of his writing from other sources. So I began to doubt my religion. I still have not received the definitive personal experiences that I need to know that Eckankar is for real. Yet I have not decided that Eckankar is a false religion. I simply don’t know. I spoke with Lian about this. She gave her personal view. She believed in God as a real power but she also believed that she needed to work at it to be successful. But she would get the lucky breaks. So she believed there was a God helping her. I went to the Eck service yesterday. Peter Skelsky was the speaker. He seemed to be addressing my question of whether Eckankar is the right path for me. He said there must be a resonance in daily experience that confirms its validity. The ideology must make sense. (I do have this reassurance about Eckankar.). Another speaker mentioned having visions of the Eckmasters, even before he knew who they were. (I haven’t had this kind of experience.). So, despite my doubts, I’ll keep on this path some more. Nora Patrin (Eliana) showed up. She invited me to breakfast but I had to meet Lian and a man named Jerry, an artist from New York.
Later this day - Lian repeated that if I wanted to have a baby with another woman, I would have to divorce her. Such an event would kill her. Why wasn’t I satisfied with having Celia as a daughter? It is selfish of me to want my own baby. I want to stay married to Lian but life is short-changing me in this respect.
November 23, 2004, Tuesday. Have written quite a few chapters of Schweitzer book today & last week. Finished. chapter 15 & in the middle of CH 16 today. Also worked over the weekend - maybe 7 chapters in 7 days.

November 24, 2004. Margaret called around 11:10 pm to tell me that Dad died about 15 minutes earlier. The nursing home had called her. Dad will be cremated at his request. Perhaps a ceremony will be held next spring. Dad had been hospitalized about a month ago for pneumonia. Tonight they gave Dad oxygen because he had a hard time breathing. In the end he stopped breathing. I called about a week ago for the first time since I saw Dad in September. He had been moved from N-215 to the east wing of the 1st floor. The nurse would not bring him to the phone because she said he couldn’t hear. I asked her to tell Dad I had called. I’m grateful for my last visit - was it in September - when Dad was relatively wide awake and talkative. He begged God for mercy. I’ve been working hard the last week or two on my book on Albert Schweitzer’s view of the Messianic self-consciousness of Jesus. Have written 3 pages of chapter 17 - first chapter of the last section. Friday we’re scheduled to see the realtor about selling 1715 Glenwood. I wanted to visit Congressional offices in Washington DC about trade proposal. Lian feels strongly that I should visit Dad’s body before it is cremated.

November 28, 2004. Around noon today I visited Dad’s body in the Stroyan funeral home. Kevin Stroyan was there. Dad’s mouth was open - like Mom’s - and his body was cold. He had been in the garage. It’s been cold and wet - maybe 40 degrees. I’m writing this message on the kitchen table in the Milford house. I’ll keep Andy’s urn here on the table at least through tomorrow. I visited Mother’s grave after visiting Dad’s body for the last time. I cried, but now it’s over. When I saw him last (in September), Dad had begged God to take care of him.
Later - I saw David today. He’s much better. Got stopped for not wearing seat belt.

11-29-04. Took Dad’s obituary to newspapers. Spoke with Carol at the Pike County Dispatch & Janice Osborne & Tom at Gazette in Port Jervis.

Dec. 3, 2004. Visited with Linda Davis, Carol at PC Dispatch, and Tom Leck at the Gazette. Now waiting in car outside the Kingston hospital where David is. A woman is changing something. Between Tuesday and Thursday this week, I made the rounds of Congressional offices in Washington DC talking about my proposal for employer-specific tariffs. Also visited Thea Lee at AFL-CIO.

Dec. 23, 2004. Sitting in David’s room in TBI-1 at Northeast Center for Special Care in a wheel chair by David’s bedside.

Dec. 24. Christmas eve by myself in the Milford House. I arrived here Monday at 6:15 after attending Xuan’s wedding in Knoxville, TN. Have seen David the last three days and will go visit him again tomorrow, on Christmas Day, then I will return to Minnesota. My writing of the Schweitzer book was interrupted exactly one month ago when Margaret called to give me the news of Dad’s death. Since then, I’ve been to Milford twice - once to view Dad’s body at the Stroyan mortuary and once to be with David on his last Christmas. I park the car at the Laurel Villa. David is aware of my visits and carries on a primitive conversation. But he’s lost much weight - down to 126 pounds - and is hooked up to tubes. Still doesn’t eat or drink through his mouth.

12-25-04. 2:50 pm. In parking lot outside Northeast Center. I’ve been with David since 11:10 am. His bag containing feces came loose & messed up his bed, so the nurses had to give him clean clothing & bedding. He has deep sores on both sides of his rear. He has lost so much weight that his bones show through like persons being wheeled from Nazi concentration camps. His thighs are especially lean. Yet David was in good spirits at times. He said “sing” and I began to sing Christmas carols: Silent Night & Come All Ye Faithful, It came upon a Midnight clear. David said “slap me” & “pick me up” which was surprising. I put calls through to Lian and to Margaret, who was quite pleasant.

Dec. 31, 2004 9 pm. Have been watching video tape of Howdy Doody’s 40th birthday - TV show I watched when I was 9 years old. Wang-ti called. Celia is in Chicago. Lian has had the flu. We will watch the ceremony in Times Square.

Jan. 9, 2005. I resumed writing yesterday of the book about Albert Schweitzer’s view of the Messianic self-consciousness of Jesus. It was in the middle of Chapter 17 - 3 pages in - which deals with Paul’s & early Christian doctrines & practices following Jesus’ resurrection. I stopped work on this chapter on November 24, 2004, immediately after Margaret called to report Dad’s death. Went to Milford twice & also Xuan’s wedding in Chattanooga. Now I want to finish the book. Also responded to the want ad in the Star Tribune about selling textbooks to college professors in Minnesota.

Two stories about Lian & her wit -
When we were driving back from Chattanooga on 2001, a truck splashed salt water on my windshield. Lian snuggled up to me. I pushed her away so my arm would be free to deal with the difficult traffic. After a moment’s thought, Lian said: “You have three problems. 1. the rain, 2. the trucks, 3. Yong Lian Lian. I said I could deal with the last problem. Her statement was so cute. Then in early December while approaching Ravenna, OH, from the south (just after turning off I-78), I called Lian on the cell phone. I mentioned that I saw a squad car waiting to catch speeders. Jokingly, I mentioned to Lian that if the squad car pulled me over, I’d put her on. the phone so she could speak to the officer. Lian imagined the conversation as follows: “My husband is a criminal. He stole my heart.” Again, so cute.
I repeated both stories at Wenge’s house to Lian’s Kansas relatives.

1-19-95 Last night, for the first time, I attended an event at the Fitzgerald Theater with Garrison Keillor. It was a program on the literary friendship between Donald Hall and Robert Bly. Bly & Hall held up their end of the conversation, but I was personally disappointed in the event. I wrote a question on paper which Keillor ignored: “Do you strive for cultural fame?” (Several years ago, Hall admitted that he does.) We were invited on the stage to shake hands. I did shake hands with Hall, but Bly either did not see me or ignored me. I think I am not on the same wave length as Robt. Bly & may actually be closer to Hall in thought & temperament.

1-24-05. Dr. Froude from Kingston hospital called. David’s pick tube is infected. We could put in a new tuber at some pain to David or try to treat the infection with antibiotics. However, David has had so many antibiotics he is resistant to most. The doctor recommends that we not replace the tube but try antibiotics. He said David has such a conjunction of ailments that he thinks David’s life “is measured in weeks rather than months”. He has kidney problems, infection, etc. So I had better get out to Milford again before the trip to China, March 17-April 17.

1-28-05. A week ago Sunday, I started to rewrite chapters in the Schweitzer book. This is Friday. I’ve completed the introduction & first 4 chapters. Now the Schweitzer chapters begin. It took me several days leading up to Sunday to finish the last chapter - history of the Christian church.

2-11-05. Dr. Thompson (doctor with the English accent) called to say David’s condition is hopeless. The neuphrostony tube is out again. David’s bacteria are resistant to all but one antibiotic. The doctor suggests no additional surgery. They’ll reattach the neuphrotony tube again but afterwards not. (He has two kidneys with two Neuphrotony tubes. He's looking at renal failure & lost much weight. I agreed David’s “comfort” is paramount. The doctor says David is miserable. Maybe he can hold out until I’m able to go east & after the debate on the UN Feb. 22nd.

2-21-05. My 64th birthday. The dog - Do Do - woke me up this morning shortly after 7 am (when I was born). I had to put him “in jail”. Watched a Chinese film on the Korean war last night. Tomorrow I will be leading the campus Republicans at Univ. of Minnesota on whether the US should withdraw from UN. Need to do some publicity & perhaps prepare video camera. Toni the cat is standing here.

2-24-05. For the first time, I viewed the five 30-minute VHS-C videotapes taken with Andy on our 1996 trip to China. Most of the tape was of scenery, but there were shots of Andy on each tape. It made me feel comfortable rather than sad. Andy is always brief in his speech.

3-5-05. Saturday morning. Do Do and I are leaving Milford after visiting David at Northeast Center for six hours. Three visits to David in all. I watched TV programs mainly. Think David liked Do Do.

3-20-05. Arrived in Beijing last night. I was struck by Lian’s bold attitude. First, she called my name at the immigration control point and urged me to cut in front of people in a newly formed line for foreigners. Second, she walked directly outside to the public waiting area bypassing Chinese customs. Third, she responded to me when I pointed out that a certain elevator was reserved for disabled people. “This isn’t America; this is China.” Such things aren’t taken so seriously here. Lian is showing a healthy Chinese “can do” spirit; Americans have become, by contrast, moralistic & fearful of repression. On my most recent trip to Milford, I was stopped three times by the police without doing anything illegal: (1) in Sturgis, Michigan, an officer asked to see my drivers license when I was reading the map while pulled over at the curb. (2). In Ellensville, NY, an officer told me I needed my headlights on during snow storms, even though the snow was barely discernible. Both times, the lights were swirling on the squad cars. (3) At the next t stop 30 miles east of Toledo, OH, a squad car pulled up while I was sleeping. The officer had a flashlight. He asked me to open the window. He asked me what I was doing & said I couldn’t sleep there for more than 3 hours. I was so nervous I couldn’t get back to sleep. So we have an aggressive police presence in the US while China seems relatively permissive - at least, in this instance.

Wednesday, March 23. In Lian’s “big apartment”. Yesterday we went to meet Ms. Lu on the north side of the park where the Ming emperor hanged himself. I took a rickshaw tour with some Iranians. Then we toured the Drum Tower. Afterwards, met Vivian’s father outside a fancy restaurant where Lian, Ms. Lu, and I ate lunch. Finally, had dinner at another restaurant with Li Fei, police man, 3 female friends of Lian, including Ms. Ma and another woman who drove us home. Monday we did errands - cashed dollars for renmimbi at Bank of China and had a large meal in Tongzhou. I walked about by myself & mentally recited my comedy routines. Friday will meet “Jerry” Su at Beijing University.

3-28-05 This would have been Dad’s 93rd birthday. I’m in Zhang Jia Jio with Lian. We visited a Buddhist temple where Lian and I had our fortunes told. We are both good people but prone to say bad things occasionally. Lian’s duty is to help me even if she doesn’t want to. I go straight ahead but am too trusting. I need to be careful of my health - the heart and lungs may be problems. Celia may have problems this year; we need to help her. Afterwards, we went to the top of a famous mountain by cable; then to the monument of a famous general. He Lon and the shopping places. Walked 3 km. down a valley.

4-2-05. Back home in Beijing after trip to Chang sha, Zwang Jai Jie &
Showshan (Mao’s home town). Changsha is a large, prosperous city. However, it has a large population of beggars who are aggressive on seeking locations. One older woman wedged herself between Lian and me. Lots of walking in the valleys near Zwang Jai Je. Carried part way by rick shaw. Videotaped much of the scenery. Looking out the train window, I was struck by how intensively Chinese farmers use the land. Irrigation channels run between the terraced fields. Chritus and other animals often run loose. Water buffalo used to plough fields. The terrain is quite hilly. We went through valleys surrounded by mountains with many tunnels. Four young high-spirited women on the tour. Back in Beijing, Lian’s old boy friend, Mr. Jiang, suggested that I apply for a job teaching English or history at his university, the Capitol Education University.

April 3, 2005. Morning in Beijing. Lian’s secretary, Ms. Jiang (Mrs. Wang) is visiting with husband & 8-year-old son. We may visit the Great Wall tomorrow. Yesterday, I went with Lian, Li Fei, Ms. Tao & Tao’s helper to a larger dept. store. Had the idea of developing “Entertainment Civilization” as a traveling show while sipping coffee near the African products booth on the 4th floor. Lian mentioned my trip to Jamaica in 2002 which reminded me of Entertainment Civilization. So I have various projects to work on.

April 4. 6:30 a.m. Waiting to drive to the Great Wall with the Wang family (Lian’s secretary). Dreamed I was getting up at 2:30 a.m. to go to Scandinavia or on scholarly mission.

April 10. Five days left in China. Lian and I went to the Beijing Book Centre at Xidan. My world-history book (25 yuan) was among those for sale. I spotted a young lady Li Hong reading another book. Lian persuaded her to buy mine for an autograph. I wanted to mention that on the train ride from Chang She I watched a film about Hitler & Stalin on television in the sleeping car. Stalin arrived on an airplane (with splendid white jacket) after the Soviet flag was planted on the Reichstag bldg. A woman went up to hug him. Lian called this “Ching Ida Stalin Tong-She”.

April 13, 2005. While at a health clinic in Tongzhou for Lian’s drivers license, we received a call from Celia asking me to call Margaret and the Northeast Center. We took a cab back to the apartment and placed a call. Margaret said: “I think you know why I called. I asked: “Is David still alive?” No, he died on March 31st. Margaret received word of it only today. David’s body is being preserved until I return to the US and decide what to do. We’ll have a joint service for Dad, Andy & David.

July 6, 2005. Returned yesterday from a trip to Milford (and New York City & Niagara Falls) for a burial ceremony for Andy, David & Dad. Those who participated in the ceremony included: Lian & me, Margaret, George, Emily & Nathan Isaacson; Peter S. (Spielhagen, our neighbor), Linda Davis, Bill & Pat Kiger, Dorothea Musgrave Mulberry, George Durham, Andrew Durham, Rev. McGinty (Episcopalian church), Helga Faller. Aggie Raeven joined us for a luncheon at Dimmick Inn, I read Suspira & Sleep by Henry W. Longfellow at the gravesite ceremony & gave a short talk about Dad, Andy & David. I was the only one who spoke. The night before, Dorothea, Linda, Lian & I had Chinese food.

August 31, 2005. Alan is rebuilding my concrete steps and the retaining wall. On Friday, August 26, I received my 3rd initiation for Eckankar. Carol Morumitsu was the presiding cleric. Picked a new name. On Monday, Aug. 29, the Mpls. City Council Ways & Means committee picked another candidate for the Board of Telecommunications. I read a week ago that Jack Uldrich has dropped out of the Senate race. I’ve been thinking of becoming a candidate.

December 10, 2005. While I was working on my website, goldparty.org, I listened to A Prairie Home Companion on MPR. Heard the news that Eugene McCarthy had died in Washington earlier in the day. I called Jeff Platt, spoke with his wife. Jeff was at work.

Dec. 31, 2005 10:00 pm. Lian still up. I’m tired. Worked on roof to tape a tarpaulin to stop leaks. Visited Tony Foresta on Thursday.

Jan, 29, 2006. First day of Spring Festival. Celia is home for the weekend. Yesterday I went to the “Undoing Racism” workshop at Harrison Neighborhood Association. As I had done in the all-white group session the night before, so in the plenary group I told the head woman from People’s Institute that I did not agree with her analysis. I said I was against schemes of one-sided racial guilt. I gave my definition of a racist: someone who considers his or her racial identity more important than personal identity from membership in the human race. First to object was Jaki Barley, the day care operator. She said I was a racist because when I looked at her I saw a black woman. I told her she didn’t know what I thought because she isn’t a mind reader. I also saw a day-care operator. Then a black woman across the circle said, yes, she was a racist & proud of it. White men were pedophiles. I merely said “I’m not a pedophile.” Then Mitch Thompson, husband of Lisa Goddard, said that I was a beneficiary of white privilege. I asked him to be more specific. He said I was privileged in what I was now. I said he didn’t know what he was talking about. Then I told the story about how HNA condemned by building 10 years earlier because of black crew. There were no more complaints. I had addressed my critics.

Feb. 20, 2006. It’s 5:30 pm on the last day before I officially become a senior citizen. I’ve spent much of the day writing up the story of our protest demonstration at 14 E. Jessamine St. a week ago. It’s translated into five other languages and posted on the internet. Lian just called to ask me to pick her up at 6:30 pm. Do Do is eager to run around but I don’t have time for that. As always, I have papers to sort & discard.

Feb. 21, 2006. It’s 9 am. I was born in Woman’s Hospital 65 years and two hours ago. The dog is waiting patiently for his walk. I ordered the paper to be delivered again.

March 5. Went to Temple of Eck. Met Jack & Tony quite unexpectedly. Eat semane seeds for arthritis. Drink water with vinegary apple cider & honey.

March 20, 2006. Took Do Do for a walk at Bryn Mawr park. We went under I-394 bridge. I walked about a mile west as Do Do was in front. Didn’t pay attention. Then I realized Do Do was nowhere in sight. I called for about 15 minutes - no response - and then headed back to the bridge. Then I saw Do Do in the distance. He came running to me & licked my face. When I returned to the car, a man shoveling the walk said Do Do had returned to the car looking me. Then he went back - about 1/2 mile - where we eventually met. What loyalty!
Last night I watched Mitt Romney on C-Span’s Q & A with Brian Lamb. Romney gives the best interviews of anyone. Answers questions calmly & directly, ends on a clear note. Mitt is a multi-millionaire who has donated his gubernatorial salary to charity. Has bridged a 3-billion (dollar) budget shortfall despite an 80% Democratic legislature - has 5 sons - 4 are married.
Starting about 1960 or 61, I was a passionate supporter George Romney for President. Wrote my first book devoted to this theme. I was conservative. George Romney hitched his wagon to Nelson Rockefeller. My conservatism was anti-big government - same as Reagan. Mitt Romney is a budget hawk (good) who is a religious conservative. He goes along with most of George W. Bush’s program. Will it be my destiny to become a loyal supporter of Mitt Romney who is richer & more articulate than his father was. Mitt is 6 years younger than I. I have an ability to create - express new ideas but do not have an impressive personal manner. Mitt Romney has everything that I lack.

Dec. 31, 2006. Ten minutes to midnight. I’ve been working for the past 3-4 days pulling up old census reports on ancestor.com (which offered 3 days of free unlimited access to its records.) I think I have fleshed out the family tree going back 4 generations. Called Lian this evening in Beijing. I’m at 1702 Glenwood with Do Do & Toni.

June 13, 2007. Attended annual dinner of Citizens for Global Solutions. Sat at a table with Ted Richter, Al Aeppli and, later, Jay Shahidi, who thinks that Lieberman’s recent statement means we’ll soon be bombing Iran. Iran is cracking down on dissent using US threats as an excuse. I asked the speaker, Katherine S., whether human rights wasn’t treated inconsistently depending on the group. Afterwards, a heavy-set woman came up to me & thanked me for bring up the class issue. I asked her name: Jane Lampland. I asked if she was related to Jean. She was. This was Donald Lampland’s daughter. She said she had belonged to SDS in the late ‘60s & helped take over Morrill Hall. Later married a welder who belonged to the Teamsters. Worked on Wellstone’s campaign. Her brother keeps in touch with Jean in Tennessee. Ruth Ross has died. Duncan Ross. was the first public-relations man in corporate America and was also Huey Long’s publicist. I have Jane’s telephone number.

7-07-07. A magical day in terms of numerology. Temperature today in 90s. Last night went to Sufi. Robt. Bly was there & two new people. Talked about Mitt Romney’s father. I just finished shorterworkweek.com Thursday (7-5). All the work done after Lian and I returned from South Dakota. I’m working on Gold Party but first must clean up my desk.

7-3-07 Monday 1st Anniversary of losing my car - the ’95 Plymouth Acclaim - in Chicago. I’ve just finished putting the foreign-language references at the bottom of Gold page for goldparty.org. Saturday, I posted the three “How the party can win”, entertainment, & final push pages. Have spent much of the past 2-3 weeks working on goldparty.org. Before that, I created shorterworkweek.com - originally it was to be material for the issues page. So I have five websites firing on all cylinders. worldhistorysite.com, identityindependence.com, landlordpolitics.com, goldparty.org, and shorterworkweek.com. All but landlordpolitics have links to five other languages.

8-3-07 Two days ago, I got Lian to go swimming with me for the first time in several years. She said she’d go at 6 pm. Several minutes later, we started to drive to the beach at Cedar Lake. The guard called us in because of a lightning threat. We drove straight home, arriving at 7 pm. Turning on the TV to CNN, I saw the first news of a bridge collapse. The words KARE-TV were in the upper righthand corner. I soon realized they were talking about a bridge in Mpls. When they mentioned 35W, I thought it was the bridge over the Minnesota river, on the way to Northfield. No, it was the bridge two-three miles away near the U of M. I sat glued to the TV set. Next morning, I drove to the scene on both sides of the river & took some photos.

August 30, 2007. Monday morning. This is the first morning without Toni the cat. She has been my companion since I moved to Minneapolis in 1990 (or Dec. 1989). Yesterday, Toni was looking for a place to crawl in & die. I think she found it. I dozed off with the TV going last evening. Then around 11:30. I got up. Toni was nowhere to be seen. Yesterday afternoon she was wedged between the radiator & wall in my office. I heard her squeal & pulled her out. Then she tried to climb into the paper bag where my old letters are kept. The other day she was by the front door. Every morning, when I get up, Toni is around the kitchen begging for food. Not today. I think her body is somewhere in. my office. I would mix cat food & bate so Toni could chew I. Not today. Farewell, Toni.

August 21, 2007. Lian found Toni wedged behind the dishwasher in the kitchen yesterday morning. She was still alive. So we brought Toni out & put her in a basket on my bed. We took photos. By the end of the day, Toni was walking around the rooms looking for a corner. She would not stay up on the bed. In the afternoon Lian found Toni wedged behind the dresser in the bedroom. Pulled her out again. When I went to bed, I put Toni under the covers with me. She went down to my feet. Then, today, Tuesday, I rose around 8:30 am. Still no sign of Toni. Walked Do Do, drank coffee, and read the paper. Then I took the flashlight & started to look for Toni. After 5-10 minutes, I found her body wedged in the corner of the closet off the bedroom. She did not move. Her body was cold. Lian and I put Toni’s body in a paper bag & buried her in the yard. She’s by the red retaining wall - from the steps to our door, it’s the 8th block toward Glenwood, then 1 1/2 to 2 feet toward the house. That’s Toni’s grave site.

Dec. 9, 2007. Sitting in the room in Lian’s apartment in Beijing where I slept the first time I visited. Arrived in Beijing at 4:30 pm Dec. 7, 2007. We’ve made arrangements to go on a tour of Thailand, Malaysia & Singapore. Had lunch with Li Fei & Young Hwang and visited Li Fei’s law office. Yong Hwang gave us tickets to a performance of a patriotic symphony in the Great Hall of the People on Tiananmen square. The security guard first refused to let me pass through the gate because I was a foreigner. Then Lian pointed out that another foreigner had been admitted. The supervisor relented. Later Lian took a picture of me with the lead singer on her cell phone. Today, Sunday, we’re off to see Ms. Lu’s mother.

Tuesday or Wednesday, Dec. 13, 2007. In Beijing, in Lian’s big apartment, the same room where I slept in 2002. Two days ago, we went back to Dongshi subway area, the same place where the wedding photos were done in 2000. The place is gone, replaced by another store. I had coffee & we talked. Went to hospital to check pain in my upper left leg. Cat scan done. Yesterday had lunch with Ms. Wang, who wants to sign us up for Shaklee, then dinner with Aram, Mining & this family. I watch American Gangster on DVD. Saturday evening attended patriotic concert at the Great Hall of the People - Yong Huang gave us tickets. Photographed with the singing star. Monday visited Temple of Heaven & then had dinner in traditional Chinese restaurant with Adi Dai’s wife. Lian angry when I disclosed I had loaned Alan $5,000.

Dec. 17, 2007. Lian’s father was an instructor at the Anti-Japanese Military & Political School in Yan’an, China (destination of the Long March) between 1937 & 1941. Then served in the army under General Lin Pio. He fought in Hebei province (near Beijing) and then in Gangzi province (Nan shah is capitol.). Served as deputy mayor of capital city after the war. He could have been promoted to higher office but for two negative things in his record: 1. He was accused of tipping off his brother when the police came to arrest him (for being a suspected collaborator with the Japanese). 2. For diverting funds under his control to a project in his village (in Hebei province). He was regarded as a god in that village. Today the family house remains empty. Lian’s younger brother doesn’t want her to go there because people will be contacting him for help. Lian's mother was angry that her father blew his chances for promotion. Lian compares him to me. (I help Alan; her father helped her uncle.)

12/18/07. Story of Ms. Tao. Her mother married a man who chased other women. (Mother’s family disavowed her; didn’t like husband.) She became depressed & died. Father remarried. Step mother was extremely cruel to Ms. Tao. Made her do housework & often wouldn’t feed her. She contracted polio; became crippled. She couldn’t find a job. So she did volunteer work. Was cited for excellent work on posters - first in her district, then the city of Beijing, then in China. Sat in the front row to have group photo taken. Chou Enlai’s wife spoke to her & asked if she could help Ms. Tao. She asked for help in getting a job. She got a good job. A poster said she wanted a husband; offers poured in. So she has a beautiful daughter. Husband chased other women; so they are divorced. I think Ms. Tao is principal of a school.

12/30/07. Back from the trip of Thailand, Singapore, and Malaysia. It was quite an experience. Two sex shows in Pattya, Thailand. Found a possible marriage partner for Alan. Visited Genting, a city of entertainment on the mountain top near Kuala Lumpur. My thoughts turned to creating “Entertainment Civilization” in the downstairs unit at 1702 Glenwood Avenue. The downside was that I’ve eaten too many large meals. My belly is so large that strangers ask me if I’m pregnant. All this is arranged by Lian. The rest of the tour consisted of Chinese and the Chinese language was used exclusively. So I had to rely on Lian’s translations. Bought expensive jewelry both in Singapore and Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. But I’d say the high point was in Thailand. I love the shrines honoring the king, the temple complex in Bangkok & royal palace. Too many shopping stops, however. Called Alan but his phone has been temporarily disconnected - not a good sign. So it was Christmas in Malaysia (at Genting). We are returning to the US today.

1-15-08. Mitt Romney won the Michigan primary by a wide margin this evening. Last Thursday I drove to Menomenee, Michigan, in the upper peninsula & the following day campaigned for Mitt in Menomenee, Escanaba, and Marquette. I brought the Walt Disney print and the clay dinosaur that George Romney held up on the Disneyland show. But none of the three newspapers nor two television stations gave me coverage. I was so happy I wept.

1-23-08. Wednesday morning. I ordered a new iMAC computer from the Apple store yesterday. I was worried that Lian is back to the routine of having headaches and watching Chinese-language tapes day after day. We amicably discussed our “differences in culture”. Lian hates politics because she says it is dangerous. So I can’t share my political dreams with her. She said she wanted to do the following things: 1. travel - to Hawaii, Las Vegas, San Francisco, etc. She likes to go to restaurants and she likes shopping - both yard sales and stores. I explained my aversion to those activities - 1) need to spent money which we don’t have. 2) consequence of having more possessions without the space to store them and getting fat on restaurant food. For our 8th wedding anniversary on Jan. 28th, Lian wants to go to a strip club to see this part of “American culture”. Lian also says she’d like to go walking in the park, go to museums, go to the theater, etc. All that I can agree with. Lian needs to go back to China in a week & possibly go to a hospital to be checked. Then, after returning to the US, she wants to go to Milford & spend a week or two fixing up the place. Wants to visit Niagara Falls again & Toronto. I want to be in the Twin Cities for the Republican convention in August. If I’m nominated for US Senate by the Independence Party, I would spend several months campaigning. So we could do our own things separately & maybe later travel together. Eventually we’ll wind up in Milford.

1-24-08. Andy used to say Eckankar was like the Sikh religion. There was a Sikh at Sufi tonight. The Sikh mindsow is expressed in Ik-ong-kar. Ik = symbol for one ong- manifest creation kar= being. So it means the universe (being) is one, or God is one. After the session, I found someone had taken my left shoe. I wear loafers. There was a black-laced shoe. I think Robert Bly did this. He left our session early & went back into his house.

1-30-08. Lian left for China yesterday morning. The day before - Jan. 28 - was our 8th wedding anniversary. It was not a happy occasion. Lian wanted to go to a nude-dancing place to experience this part of “American culture”. Around 5:30 pm, I was ready to go. Lian changed her mind saying that she wanted only to go to dinner. So we went to the Red Lobster as she requested. During our dinner conversation, Liam repeated her accusation that I was a selfish man who did only as I pleased. She is especially resentful of the fact that I loaned Alan $5,000 in late November so he could get a hernia operation and finish his insurance work. I gave Lian $2,500 in cash to take to China - this added to $7,500 that I have given her in the past half year. Yet she is resentful that I don't have health insurance for her. She’s going to the hospital alone and will spend Spring Festival alone. I’m not a good husband. I try to point out that. I can’t leave my apartment business too long. I need to collect the rents to pay for all this. Lian thinks I should either sell the business (we’re in a real-estate shop now) or dump Alan & bring in a Chinese construction firm to help manage the property. So she just sits in front of television all day watching Chinese-language tapes that Mi Yang sends her. She’s also resentful of my interest in politics. Her father told her that politics was a dangerous business & she wants nothing to do with this. She won’t discuss politics with me. She wants me to “change” & be less selfish - pay total attention to her. Last weekend, on Friday, I met NY Independence Party chair, Frank McKay, at the Sheraton hotel in Bloomington where we voted to affiliate with a national organization that might support Mayor Michael Bloomberg. I gave one of the short speeches supporting the affiliation. “There’s a tide in the affairs of men”, I quoted as an introduction. I also gave McKay a copy of my “On the Ballot” book. He’s much interested in ballot access for Bloomberg in all 50 states - asked me if I knew anyone in Louisiana. Last night Sen. John McCain beat Mitt Romney in the Florida primary. In a week it will be Super Tuesday. So I’ve got lots of irons in the fire politically. Anyhow, Lian has gone to China to have her health checked in a hospital. There’s a major snow storm in China, tying up transportation. She should have arrived in Beijing by now. Do Do and I remain here. I still haven't used the new iMAC I bought last week. Robt. Bly took one of my shoes; I took his. Returned them on Saturday. I’ve done rental rebate, taken a complaint about a refrigerator in apt. 5, sealed a window in apt. 9, picked up storm window & fixed a beeping smoke detector in Joan’s apartment. I’m overweight & have a slight pain in my left leg that returned while I was in China - may be diet-related.

2-13-08. Lian is in the hospital learning that she has diabetes and will need insulin. She may have heart problems, too. I have been back in the US for 1 1/2 months without much to show for it. I thought a big event for me this year would be to have a larger sign promoting Mitt Romney’s candidacy for President; but Romney has now dropped out of the race. Barack Obama, whom I like but whom I have not supported, is now on a roll toward the Democratic nomination and the White House. For me, the most promising event lies in running for US Senate with the Independence Party; but I’m not sure I’m up to the challenge physically, mentally, and financially.
Yesterday I learned the roof of the apartment building is leaking again despite my work last year. I continue to have heavy expenses - supporting Lian in China, buying a new computer, paying Celia’s car expenses. My health is not what it was. Since returning from China, I’ve had a pain in my left leg. I haven't begun work on 2007 taxes. While I work on paperwork every day, I don’t seem to be making much progress. My main accomplishment is to take the dog (Do Do) for a walk each morning. Occasionally I write something new for the websites; but traffic seems to have stalled and is even declining. So my personal effectiveness is not what it was. I’ve also neglected Eckankar spiritual exercises and haven’s jogged for several months. Alan continues to have financial problems and I continue to help despite Lian’s dire warnings.

Feb. 29, 2008. A special day that occurs once every four years. Four years ago, I was in Louisiana for my presidential campaign. Today I put the book on line: On the Ballot in Louisiana.

March 8, 2008. Robert Bly was recently named Minnesota’s first poet laureate.
Robert was at last night’s Sufi session. Bly said that Gov. Pawlenty was given 8 names for poet laureate and his name was picked. Bly accepted with the understanding that there would be no official duties. He joked about having to go to Willmar to give a valedictorian talk about the high school. The irony was that Gov. Pawlenty vetoed a bill establishing a poet laureate in 2005. But the DFL has a larger majority. Garrison Keillor picked up on this and invited Robert to be on his latest Prairie Home Companion. Robert made a point of mentioning the other finalists including Fria ? and Bill Holm. I want to find a wreath of laurels, have it bronze plated and given to Robert Bly.

Nov. 15, 2008. Bought a wreath but proceeded no further after Bly indicated he didn’t want this. While I was gone, the other Sufis bought wine & cheese in honor of Robert & he was pleased. In the meanwhile, this has been a political year. I first sought the Independence party endorsement for US Senate but finished 3rd among 3 in the balloting at the state convention on June 21 in Bloomington. Steve Williams was endorsed. However, Dean Barkley filed in the primary and easily won. Jack Uldrich finished second. Meanwhile, I filed as IP candidate for Congress in the 5th district. Running against Keith Ellison on November 4th, I got 22,300 votes or 6.9% of the total. Ellison finished first with 70% of the vote and Barb Davis White, the Republican, was second with 22% of the vote. Brian Moore, Socialist candidate for President, got around 6,500 votes. If he had been elected, I would be HUD secretary. Now my attention has been directed to Gold Party.

Dec. 1, 2008. I spent 8-10 days on goldparty.org. Put the last page up yesterday (Nov. 30) Even so, I’m having trouble with the index page and with identity independence.com/boycrisis, using Cyberduck. Mark Stanley came over a week ago to put a newer version of Dreamweaver on my new machine. I was working like a dog on the computer, letting my whiskers grow and letting the newspapers pile up on the floor. Lian has been angry at me ever since she learned that I loaned the van to Alan and Lonnie. When Lonnie was in town to see his mother and since I told her that Rhetta was living downstairs. She’s been pestering me about buying a new car. Today I called the dealership. It would be $17,000. I told Lian I would buy a car if she committed herself to improving her health, stopped smoking, reduced food intake & got more exercise. She refused. Now she’s out with Cuijian - recently divorced from Keith. She hinted that she might divorce me. Same old arguments: Whenever I make an argument she says I think I am always right. She says I don’t give her “wife’s position” but would make her beg for money. She says I make her unhappy & that’s why she smokes. I’m trying to straighten up papers in my office having completed the work on the GoldParty website in preparation to calling Brian Moore.

Dec. 6, 2008. My life is threatened by crisis. First Lian is very unhappy. It started about 3 weeks ago when Lian noticed that the van was missing from Knox Ave. I told her I had loaned it to Alan & Connie (who paid me $10 per day rental). Then, a day or so later, I volunteered the information that Alan’s (and Sheila’s) sister Rhetta is living downstairs. The arrangement was for Alan to rent the apartment for $1,050 & I would pay him $350 back. (Actually paid him $900). Lian is unhappy because of the connection with Sheila. She refuses to sleep in my bed & refuses sex. Says only that I have cut her heart and am killing her. About a week later, Lian pressed me to buy her a new car. Estimated cost $10,000 - $15,000. I refused unless she agreed to do something about her diabetes - give up smoking, reform her diet & get more exercise. Lian would not commit. She says the white Mercury Tracer is unsafe & her health would be ruined. Then several days ago Alan announced that he was fed up with life in the Twin Cities and would move to Chicago. This threatened my life style. For instance, who would look after the apartment if we left town for a vacation? I expressed my concerns to Lian in an agitated voice. Alan was going to stay here & drive cab but a dispute with Katina totally frustrated him. Then I got the Citibusiness credit card statement for $1,900 in a month. Lian had charged $800 (mostly in Tennessee) & $700 of the remainder was for the Mexican house. We talked of possible divorce. The problem is that Lian does little except sit in front of the computer playing solitaire or smoking cigarettes. Yesterday I tried to talk with her. Lian said that she wanted to be left alone to think. So I won’t try to have any m meaningful discussions with her for awhile A possible solution is separation - China for Lian, I stay in Minneapolis. My own work projects besides the apartment are: Gold Party (begin talking to people), write narrative about the Congressional campaign, write book on identity, buy video equipment to do oral presentations, MPRAC work - had good executive committee meeting last night. Tomorrow we fly to San Diego to begin a cruise to Baja California.

12-25-08. Christmas Day. Lian is still unhappy. She sits in the back room paying solitaire for hours on end. I had offered to go with her to the Mall of America - she insisted we not go by car - but she refused at the last minute. I hit on a strategy. I offered just to listen if she would talk. So I sat in the back room for maybe 20 minutes. Lian said I thought only of myself - but “we are a family”. I never gave her “wife’s position”. She said she always had to do what I wanted. And if she did not go along with my views, I got angry at her. This was preposterous. I rarely raised my voice. If I started to give my views that differed from hers, she interprets it as “getting angry at her”. Lian really wants me to adjust my life to hers. She accuses me of always wanting to “enjoy yourself” and not pay attention to her. She thought she was not in control of her life but under my control. In the last few days, Lian seemed happier when she was doing some work - when she helped shovel snow or organized the bathroom. I think she’s deeply troubled by what she has become and she blames it on me. Her main point: I forced her to do what I wanted and became “angry” when she disagreed. I listened without speaking for 20 minutes, then tried to relate her complaint to my offer to go to the Mall of America. Lian started to cry. Now she is irritated that I woke her up to take Mi Yang’s phone call. Mostly have been working on a narrative of my Congressional campaign.

“December 2008 6:30 pm. End of an interesting, worthwhile year. For the past ten days, I’ve been writing about my Congressional campaign.

4-12-09. Easter Sunday. Heard Sri Harold Klemp speak at spring seminar last night. The night before, I went to Joan Washingtons wake at Crystal cemetery on Penn. I stood up to say something about Joan (who died Saturday morning a week ago) as her former landlord.
I started to write something a week ago. On Friday, April 3, we had a Sufi session at Robert Bly’s. House. Robert was there & read his poetry. One line that struck me: “I’m looking for an acrobat who will show me how to get into heaven.” - presumably with the right acrobatic moves. At Eckankar service April 4, the theme was about keys to heaven. A speaker said that the key was to get the mud out of the way and wait for spirit to tell you something. I’ve finished ten chapters of my book, “My American Identity”. Have sex on my mind.

4/30/09 Just finished the manuscript, “My American Identity”, around 9 pm this evening. I have been working on this as a primary project since I went to China in early March. More or less composed everything on the word processor, not knowing what the chapter would be when I started it. I had my skeleton of idea notes and, less important, some summaries of news clippings and generally referred to these before I started a chapter. But I often composed without looking much at my notes. I typically completed a chapter in three days - this has been the pattern for the last several chapters at least. After finishing chapter 10, I rearranged the earlier chapters to put the chapters about communists farther in the back. I had previously put them back one time before. I completed about five chapters - including the one on communism and its interpretation before I went to China. This was the second in a series of three writings I resolved to do after I ran for Congress. First, I whipped off a narrative of my race for Congress in about a week. That gave me confidence to start. the second one about identity. My next work will be the one on Big History. I’ve already written brief drafts of some of the chapters. I told myself that I’m primarily a writer so this is what I ought to be doing. It’s been a strain. Sometimes my head (frontal lobe) is sore. I sometimes am sick with a cold.

6/26/09. This would have been David’s 65th birthday. Aunt Ann Weinrichter died about a week ago.

6/30/09. This is the 10th anniversary of Andy’s last birthday. Nora Patrin had a party for him at Eckankar. We went to a restaurant. Andy died on July 24, 1999, several weeks later.

7/18/09. Yesterday I wanted to attend Aunt Ann’s funeral. I flew to Chicago, rented a car from Hertz, and drove to South Bend to the cemetery (Highland and Riverview) on Portage. My plane arrived in Chicago at 10:20 am. The funeral was set for 2 pm. Unfortunately, I forgot about the time zone change - South Bend is on eastern standard time. I picked up the car from Hertz at 210 South Canal Street after an hour’s trip from O’Hare. (There was a delay.) & drove top speed to South Bend. Approaching the cemetery, I saw a group of cars on the east side of Portage Ave. but went to the main office for directions about the Weinrichter party. Yes, that was them. No one remained at the grave site except for cemetery employees. A woman pointed out a red truck in the distance, saying that the driver belongs to the burial group. I raced through the cemetery & pulled behind the truck. It was driven by Rod Anderson. Then we drove in a line to a Gayz club next to a parking ramp for a small reception. Attendees included Kit Weinrichter, Uncle Ralph, Uncle Frank & Aunt Aurie, Madeline Durham & her husband, Kit’s husband Leo, Rod Anderson, new wife & grown son, me, a group of four nuns of the Franciscan order. I sat at a table with the nuns. One was an accountant with an Indiana-based Franciscan hospital system. The sisters occupied the old Studebaker mansion which the order purchased in 1943. Kit remained hostile to me (had insisted I not bring a camera or write anything about the burial). Uncle Ralph was also cool although he thanked me for coming. Margaret did not attend. Neither did Rick Weinrichter. I asked Kit about him. She was disparaging towards her brother saying only that he was living with a group of people - he was not institutionalized. After the reception, I drove back to the airport, thinking that with the time-zone change I would have plenty of time. It was pm eastern; my plane left at 8 pm central. I drove through New Carlisle on Rt. 20 & made good speed until I reached the Chicago area. Then mistakenly I got in I-280 & not having a map had trouble reconnecting with I-94. Then I had to leave I-94 around Chinatown & wound up on the wrong side of the river. Finally I pulled into the risig parking ramp. All this took time & I was 5 minutes late returning the car to Hertz. The attendants left at 3 pm.
Also I was late in getting to O’Hare. Fortunately was booked on a flight leaving at 10:20 pm (had been scheduled for 9:45). My underpants were itching my legs. I changed in the bathroom causing me to miss my light-rail connection. Alan drove to the airport to pick me up. So it was a day of a fortunate connection with the Weinrichters & missed connections back to the airport.

7-24-09. Tenth anniversary of Andy’s death. Took Ginny & Tim out to breakfast at Mildas.

9-9-09. Have been sick - possibly with the swine flu - since returning to the US from China (and Mongolia) on 9/1/09. Yesterday was an introductory meeting of New Dignity party at the North Regional Library on Lowry. Only John Butler showed up. So my dreams have come crashing down. Need to put up 100 more lawn signs.

12/31/09. It’s around 8:30 pm. Not a good day. Lian is angry at me - for allegedly being angry at her - and she went to bed early. Two days ago we drove to Aldi’s. I wanted to show Lian Pastor Paul’s where we could get free food - but she wouldn’t let me. She accused me of forcing her to do things my way, but, in effect, she’s forcing me. Anyhow Lian said today she was unhappy about this. When I tried o explain, she accused me to pretending that I was always right. I am “God”, etc. Finally, I left the room & she went to bed. The other bad thing is that my Dreamweaver list crashed. I have put about four days’ solid work into creating BillMcGaughey.com. Another two days and it will be up and running. However, I clicked on something & suddenly the site directory disappeared. Don’t know how to make it appear again. I have a message in to Mark Stanley but it’s New Years Eve.

1-7-10. Mark got Dreamweaver working - the margin was pulled over to the right - and had to drag it back to fix the problem. I’ve been a full week unable to work on my Dreamweaver files. Used this to create new writings. Retyped On Goals in Life & corrected it. Robt. Bly, Eric Storlie, Mark Stanley & Tim Young were at Sufi. I asked if it would be a good idea for someone to write a history of the Sufi group. Robt. Bly said he thought that would be a good idea. So I have his blessing to work on this story. We then started reminiscing about the old days. Some go back to men’s conferences in he early ‘80s.

2/4/10 Lian has gone back to China for medical testing. Flew to Chicago day before yesterday with Lian & met Celia. A week or so ago, I learned that David had a $100,000 insurance policy with Andy the main beneficiary & me 2nd beneficiary. So I will get $100,000 to pay down some of my $350,000 debt. It’s a life saver. Lian behaved quite badly during her visit. I’m focused on more writing projects for my websites - post revised “My American Identity”, recollection of Sufi group, and big history. Then move on to video, etc.

2/21/10. My 69th birthday, Off to Eckankar Hu chant in a minute. I’m finishing my revision of My American Identity. Was to have gone to American Renaissance conference but it was cancelled.

4/4/10. Easter Sunday. Last evening heard Sri Harold Klemp at Eck seminar at Hilton hotel. Lian had a successful operation for intestinal cancer. The new white cat is sitting on my stomach as Do Do jealously watches. Around the beginning of the year, I created a new website, BillMcGaughey.com, to post my stories. Was working on this New Year’s Eve & for several weeks in January. When I was done, had three projects: 1. Rewrite & finish “My American Identity. Send it to American Renaissance. 2. Write a short history of Robert Bly’s Sufi group. 3. Complete chapters of Big History. Post them on BillMcGaughey.com. Then I might be done with this part of my life work. I could take video classes, produce videos for YouTube. Maybe start an on-line university affiliated with one that has a Google and on my site Might also try to market some of my on-line writings to amazon.com's Kindle and like devices.
Lian has been in China since Feb. 2. I had a drug raid followed by SAFE warning letter. Had to submit management plan. Then I had to ask Roderick Calvin to leave and file a UD to evict Ashley Joiner. Lately, Ashley’s significant other removed most of the belongings in her apartment. I didn’t have to put them in storage. This woman, Julianne Mitchell, turned out to be a top-rated basketball player in 2008, playing for Edison high school. Have also argued about race in the e-democracy forum. I’ve been drawn toward issues of race and American Renaissance ever since its conference was cancelled.

4-10-10. Went to Wayzata book store to meet Mitt Romney & get his book. Mitt remembered me. Thought my parents lived behind his parents’ house. Said “I know Bill McGaughey.” Said I had my family’s red hair. Didn’t talk too long. Then went to a Tea party meeting at Sunnyside Deli & presented idea of running for Attorney General. Juliane called. Loaned her $40. Dinner with Nels Otto at Emily’s delicatesen.

5/1/10. Sheila called me this morning. I told her I had not yet cashed her check. She said she wanted to come over & tell me something. I asked her to tell me now. She said she was pregnant with my child. She wasn't sure she wanted to have a baby at her age. This came as a complete surprise to me because we hadn’t had much sex and I have never believed that she had an operation to get her tubes untied. But I think I want this baby. Sheila also said she had been let go by Wells Fargo, along with all the other recently hired interns, barely a week after her job began. I am unwinding from my trip to Beijing - returned home yesterday. Went to US Bank to argue about the missing $1,000 from the $5,000 taken to China to cover Lian’s medical bills. Then picked up the keys to apartment 1 from Julianne Mitchell & drove her to N.E. Mpls. Not as tired as I usually am from jet lag.

5/29/10. Went to log cabin in no. Wisconsin with Sheila & Do Do Friday & Saturday. Slept on sofa in cabin. Sheila wants to buy some of the land from me in case I die & she is left with my baby. Had talked with Jerome about this & Jerome always put off doing anything. I am agreeable but I’d prefer to have the baby born first. I have been recovering from the mumps, contracted in China. Right now, the face swelling has subsided but I have a sore throat & am taking antibiotics. So Sheila supposes my health isn’t good. Bob Carney asked me to be his Lt. Governor running mate last Tuesday. I agreed. I had previously been thinking about running for Attorney General to initiate 911-related lawsuits. Because a baby is on the way, I think I need to give up time-consuming project such as this and stick more closely to business. Carney has said I didn’t need to do much in the campaign. I agreed to pay $200 of the filing fee and I’ll send out an email message to media. Also, on the same day Jemaine Stansberry called to say that Raymond Hardimon had shot and killed someone in Detroit. I called Bob Streitz of Hennepin Co Attorney who refused to grant immunity to Lee Cain. I’ve been hoping to fly to Portland, OR, with Alan to help move Lonnie’s stuff to San Antonio, TX, and will be paid for my services. Lian says she wants to come back to the USA, however. On June 15th, will attend ISCSC conference in Provo, UT, and then on June 20th, Emily Isaacson’s wedding in Bristol, Maine. Sheila would not have had sex with me - probably in early March - had she known she was fertile. Erica is 17. She doesn’t want to spend the next 17 years of her life raising a child. Friday night she was thinking of abortion but she has decided against this - maybe very seriously considered this. I want the baby. I have always thought I should have made a greater effort to keep Ann Whear from terminating her pregnancy. Right now the name of the game is to see that Sheila gets good nutrition & rest in her pregnancy. She’s moved from a shelter in Bloomington to a house in St. Paul around 900 (911) Dayton Ave. We will let Lian know when the baby is born. I want to stay married to Lian & let me grow old happily. Having a child to raise will give me purpose in life. We’re taking a risk that the child will be healthy.

5/31/10. I file for Lt. Governor tomorrow. But my life is in turmoil. Sheila and I went to northern Wisconsin Friday & Saturday. I called Lian tonight to tell her of my plans, including a 4-day trip with Alan. Lian wants to come home soon. She practically ordered me not to go on the trip with Alan. Was Alan more important to me than she was? Was money more important - the prospect of earning $800 in 4 days? Finally she hung up on me & told me not to call again. If Lian blows up over little things like this, what will she do when I tell her that Sheila is carrying my baby? Maybe I’ll have to accept that our marriage is over now. Might want to talk with Celia about this. I like Lian but there are serious problems in our relationship. Certainly I cannot tolerate her bullying me as she has done.

6/14/10. Off to Brigham Young Univ. for ISCSC conference. I had the mumps shortly after the May MPRAC meeting. Sheila and I drove to Port Wing. We decided that “Payson” would be included in our child’s name. John Payson McGaughey, if it is a boy. Ruth Payson McGaughey, if it is a girl. I wanted a one-syllable first name & picked these two names. In the past several days, I have gone to two of Christopher Jones’ graduations. Still weak from weight loss after being in bed with the mumps & not eating. Haven’t done any of my writing projects - rewrite 5 Epochs & write on identity. Lian may return home later this month.

6/26/10. Sheila tells kids about pregnancy tomorrow. Lian will return to US in a week or so but may go to Washington DC first. I may join her there. The name of our child. Sheila likes Payson. That will be the child’s middle name. Want a one-syllable first name to go with a 2-syllable second name. I proposed “John” if it is a boy; and “Ruth” if it’s a girl. Later thought I liked the name “Jeanne” better - a feminine name. Want to call her Jeannie. Jeanne Pierrot in Detroit. Little Jeannie - Elton John’s song. Jeanne d’Arc. Sheila is 12 weeks pregnant. Tired & hungry. We’ve been buying her good food.

6/29/10. Accompanied Alan to videoconference hearing for Social Security Disability before officer Lang at 8:30 am. Very painful questioning but in the end the officer granted him Disability status.

7/5/10. Lian returned from Beijing at airport at noon today. Scolded me for being ten minutes late. Spent the last two days & nights with Sheila, knowing it would be our last opportunity to be together for some time. I am impotent - have been since I got the mumps, if not before, so I can’t keep my penis hard enough to have intercourse and ejaculate. Can masturbate successfully after watching a sex video. For at least a week, Sheila had been planing a party to tell the children she is pregnant but the occasion has never come. Finally, yesterday afternoon, I told Jasmine in Sheila’s presence. Jasmine thought we were kidding - or else were like promiscuous children who needed to have better protected sex. Sheila has promised to pay me $4,000 or $4,500 when she gets her rent check back from Blaine. Tomorrow, Tuesday, would be the last opportunity but Lian’s presence will make it difficult to get the money. Last night I worried that the pregnancy might not be real but a scam to get money. I did witness Sheila’s pregnancy test but have seen no ultra sound. Still, I have been making heavy payments on Sheila’s behalf and nothing has yet been repaid. I’m either a big sucker or a very lucky man to be a father at my age (69).

August 28, 2010. The Mercury Tracer broke down when I loaned it to Sheila because her own car was broken. That happened on Monday, Aug. 23. I have been confined to home at 1702 Glenwood. Spent much of this time writing a paper “The Zoro-Judaic Ideology” about how Jewish religion promotes “moral dualism” which feeds the Civil Rights movement. Inspired by an angry exchange on e-democracy.org with Rich Mons and Wizard Marks prompted by my calling Southern Poverty Law Center a “hate group”. Have postponed writing the computer history section of my book that restates Five Epochs of Civilization. I keep spending lots of money on Sheila, to fix the roof ($1,800), to redo window sills ($2,000 Sean F) and now to fix the car. Also, Lian is in a Beijing hospital. I am now beyond the proceeds of David’s insurance policy & sinking fast. Should I divorce Lian to avoid heavy medical expenses or the threat of such? (When I discussed divorce with her, she said she agreed, but would go out & hire a Chinese attorney and also wrack up $10,000 in US hospital bills.) And I worried that Sheila could be scamming me still - no repayment yet for loans - only promises & postdated checks. When I see the ultrasound next Tuesday, it will give some reassurance. So I throw myself into writing to avoid life’s problems.

10-10-10. An unusual date. I had expected to be in China several weeks ago but Celia asked me to delay my departure so I could answer questions for her application for a job requiring security clearance. It’s OK. This gives me an opportunity to finish the revision of my world-history book completed at the end of last month. Today I have finished the 5th chapter of a book on identity - an identity manual for white people which would be a textbook for an identity course at Quintepoch University. I am also the newly appointed program chair for the 2011 ISCSC annual conference in New Orleans. A little unsure about how to proceed. Sheila has gone to Kansas City, Missouri, for a week or two. She wants to visit her ailing aunt, Jo, and also look at tombstones for her new business, Hopffin, which is about helping disadvantaged women. I am falling into deepening financial pit due to unrepaid loans to Sheila & Alan’s and Lian’s medical needs. Expect some repayment from Sheila & Alan next week. Sheila is pregnant with our daughter, Jean Payson. She feels a strain on her back, due to pregnancy. I may drive to Iowa City to attend a conference on work time this Oct. 20 & 21 and then soon fly if China if there are seats available. The cat delivered three kittens last week but all died. We’ve had warm weather today & yesterday. I took Do Do for an extra walk. May visit Carl Harstad.

10-14-10. I think I wrote a short book, “An Identity Manual for White People”, between October 6th and October 12th. Wrote 1 chapter a day for the past five days and then two chapters on Oct. 11th and 12th to finish the book. More proofreading today. I think it’s fit to take to American Renaissance in Oakton, VA, if I can get an appointment. I mostly wrote straight through, without referring to notes, except for sections taken from My American Identity in the last several chapters. Sheila has been in Missouri. Lian is leaving for Washington, DC, today (her afternoon). I was riled up a bit by Monday night’s board meeting (Harrison) with so many anti-white racial activities going on.

Nov. 20, 2020. Saturday night. Celia back from Puerto Rico. I helped Sheila move her things to apt. #5, 1708 G., and to storage with Juan, Latrice Smith’s son. Sheila continues to need massive financial help. Her landlord, a Middle Eastern immigrant, took $1,400 for this month’s rent (which I provided) and then had the sheriff serve a writ on her to evict her immediately. On the previous day, I gave Sheila $800 for water therapy; her back is hurting so much. It actually seems to help. Sheila called at 6:45 this morning; needed me to be ready by 7:10 am. Drove a U-Haul truck to the storage place. Apt. #5 is completely filled with Sheila’s belongings. Lena in apt. #8 hasn’t paid rent in 4 months even though she promised to. The Flahertys will be moving from 1702 G in 2 weeks. So I’ll have 3 units with non-rent payers. Am applying for a loan from US Bank by refinancing my mortgage on 1702 G. My main interest this past week has been to create a new website, progressiverepublicans.org. Mark Stanley seems uninterested in putting it online. But it is well-written, well-concerned & has good visual images. This gives me comfort when all else is bleak (financially at least). Sheila has gone through so much stress and we both fear it will affect little Payson. I announced to the Sufi group a week ago Thursday that I would become a father for the first time. They’re planning a master conference and were looking for a domain name. This got me thinking about one for my political website & I discovered progressiverepublicans.org was was available. Payson, you’re safe with your mother.

12-13-10. I arrived back in Minnesota a week ago to shocking news. Sheila had a miscarriage about a week before that. Baby Jean Payson McGaughey had been dead for about three days inside Sheila before she was removed. There was further news that disturbed me: 1. About ten checks had been taken from my check register. $1,700 in checks had been written. 2. My keys were missing. 3. My car was missing. Sheila would not see me when I went to apt. 5 on the evening when I returned. She did explain things the following evening. Yes, she had lost the baby & had been depressed about it. She had stolen my checks to pay off certain charges to TCF which had labeled her account fraud when she complained about hispanics stealing the check 4 years ago. Because there was a fraud alert on her account, she had lost jobs at Boston Scientific & Wells Fargo. A woman had gotten her a reasonably high-paying job at - once the fraud alert was removed. She had to get money soon to take this job. I have been working on progressiverepublicans.org for much of the past week. Then, on Friday, December10, it started snowing - 17.1 inches in total. I shoveled the walks several times but the snow drifted back. Then spent
Saturday & Sunday shoveling snow. Have sore muscles. There was a Section 8 inspection this morning which I passed at 1715 Glenwood #1. Painting can be done next June. Sean Flaherty has been demanding return of the damage deposit although he paid none. Came over in person. He’s threatening to put a mechanics’ lien on my apartment. I gave him nothing. Not much positive feedback on progressiverepublicans.org. Soon must do work for ISCSC conference.
Decided not to have MPRAC meeting this Wednesday.

1-1-11. 2:21 am. Happy New Year. Freezing Minnesota. I’m off to bed after watching a movie at midnight.

2-12-11. Last night Lian and I agreed to get a divorce. I am to give her $1,000 a month and let her keep the room next door. Alternatively, she can live in Milford when she wants. She doesn’t want to meet Sheila - says she feels like killing Sheila. About three days ago, I told Lian that Sheila was living downstairs after she asked. Lian demanded that I evict Sheila and I refused. This set up discussions of divorce. Lian wanted half of the duplex at 1715 Glenwood or $70,000 but none of the $170,000 debt associated with it. She also wants a Chinese lawyer to make sure she understands the terms of the divorce. Last night, I voluntarily told Lian about Sheila’s pregnancy. Lian believes that Sheila was lying - either she wasn’t pregnant or the baby wasn’t mine. I can’t prove anything about the pregnancy now that Sheila has miscarried. Lian was more rational than she’s been before. I’m also dealing with the closed checking account from last week. Just finished income tax. Lian thinks I am low. (so is Sheila.). She is giving music to a cow when all the cow wants is grass.

3-10-11. Lian served me with papers for divorce this morning. She wants to settle on very unfavorable terms. I have 30 days to respond.

4-19-11. A lot has happened in the last several months. I returned home to 1702 Glenwood on 3/18/11. Lian was in the court room to recommend that the no contact order be lifted. Lian and I had about 4 days before she left for China. She was vomiting every day. I gave her $3,000 to have her health checked. Meanwhile, I pled guilty-continuance to domestic abuse charge which gained me a year of probation and consecutive weeks of anger-management class. I hired James Gurovitch to represent me in divorce case against Chinese female attorney who seems bent on vilifying me for my relationship with Sheila. I had planned to go to China after I got Chinese visa (which arrived on Sunday 4/10/11 but Lian’s attorney said she didn’t want me to go. Instead, Celia has plane to Beijing. The city conducted a rental-license inspection on 2/28/11 & re-inspection on on 4/13/11. Not all the work was done & I was fined $200. I am having to borrow more and more money from my credit line. This worries me greatly. Meanwhile, Lian’s attorney seems bent on taking all my money. Sheila has paid only $300 for rent since December & has paid back nothing.

Easter Day, 2011. Lian called from Beijing at 6:45 while I was still in bed. She’s feeling stronger & argumentative. First she said she needed money. Second, confirmed our divorce. Third, she harranged me about Sheila continuing to live in the downstairs unit. I made no promises. Lian kept asking me to speak more “soft words” to her while continuing to argue. After we had ended this conversation, Lian called back to continue the argument. When I said I could not visit China now because of anger-management classes, Liam said she could have me put in jail for ten years if Sheila continued to live in the downstairs apartment. Then she threatened to kill me if she, too, died. Mostly I stayed silent. Once I said she had pointed a gun at me and pulled the trigger (calling 911 to have me arrested for domestic abuse & hiring pit-bull divorce lawyer). Later in the morning, Sheila called. I said I didn’t wish to talk with her. Then Sheila went upstairs. I told her I had received a death threat. Sheila went back downstairs. So began my Easter.

May 7, 2011. Called Lian last night. She explained why she had given an order to forward her mail to Celia. It was because she thought Sheila had given an order to hold her mail. She thought I knew about this & had supported it. I did learn that Sheila had done this but did not know that she was giving this order. Anyhow, Lian accused me of lying. She found Sheila had trained me in how to lie. She was very angry. When I called back after she hung up on me, she said I would need to pay her $36,000 to avoid a legal battle over divorce.

July 14, 2011. I’ve been by myself for several weeks. Last night, I finished posting my 27th e-book on Kindle and Nook - a series of 3 about Jermaine Stansberry, gold, and outer space. I’m mentally tired from all this computer work. I believe I might have created the first book around June 21. So it has been a constant piece of work. I need to make money from my writings and this seems a good way. I have most of the content already - merely cannibalize the websites. Also inspired by the idea of Thistlerose University. Yale was founded by a gift of books. This one has a fund of three books - printed, websites, and e-books. They’re all listed on thistlerose.com.
I was sick in bod two weeks ago with what started as a problem with my teeth. Went to a dentist & was told it would cost around $4,000 to work on the teeth. Haven’t yet decided what to do. Thought I might go to China but Lian indicated she might return from Beijing soon. She's been gone about a month. I fear I may not have the $27,000 promised in my settlement. Sheila left for Missouri (Kansas City) to see her dying mother about five days ago. She was to have gone to Haiti to get Georges Dupervall’s money (part of which she would use to repay some of my debts) but I heard from Lena she was returning to Minneapolis. I’m also expecting two checks from her in April totaling $3,000. We will have a Fire Department inspection of the apartment at 1708 Glenwood on Tuesday, July 19th, followed by a hearing ago at City Hall on my appeal of a fine of $200 for inspection of 1702 Glenwood Ave.

August 19, 2011. I have delayed writing this. Mother’s 100th birthday is August 25th & I have long been planning to go to Milford for a personal commemoration. I mentioned this to Lian several months ago. She went to China two months ago. Her cell phone was turned off after her attorney sent me a harsh counteroffer. I made two phone calls to Celia which were not returned. Then about three days ago I got a call from Lian who was in Washington DC. I had already promised Sheila that I would drive to Milford with her. I told Lian about this. Then on Wednesday, Aug . 17th, Lian arrived at the Mpls.-St. Paul airport. She stayed for only a day. Sheila, of course, had to disappear - she’s helping Lena open a new clothing store in Stillwater. Lian agreed to drive with me to Milford even if Sheila was in the car. What a concession! I tried to get Sheila’s consent but it was delayed. Meanwhile, Sheila and I are waiting for $45,000 in funds from Haiti to be released. Sheila will pay me $30,000 to repay what she borrowed or stole from me.
Lian had a story. A distinguished professor from Chan huse university was “helped” in a cafeteria line by a man who stuck his finger in the professor’s hot soup. When the professor called attention to it, the man said: that’s OK, my fingers weren’t burned. (the man did not comprehend that his lack of consideration was the issue.) The professor said merely that this man was an ? a different channel. Lian often cited this remark to suggest that I was like the man with his finger in someone else’s soup who didn’t understand the situation.
My day with Lian was generally friendly except when we talked about the divorce. Lian claims that my attorney is demanding that she remove her belongings from the basement storage area within 30 days. She also said he says I no longer want a settlement. I wanted to send an email to Mr. Gurovitch asking him to confirm or deny these statements but Lian did not want to be identified as the source of the information.
Today I talked with Sheila who asked me what I wanted to do about Milford. I said to go with Lian after flying to Washington, DC. When I called Lian, she asked me to think about it for a day, hinting that I often changed my mind. I told Sheila I’d take her to Milford some other time.
I now have 44 e-books but they are not selling well. I started publishing these books on Kindle & Nook around the 3rd week of June. This has been my main occupation the past two months. Frankly, I was hoping to make some money.

Sept. 1, 2011. Sheila and I drove to Milford by way of Kansas City, MO, so I could commemorate Mother’s 100th birthday. Lian wanted to force me to choose between her and Sheila. I had promised Lian she could go with me but her cell phone in China was off for several weeks. Then Lian turned up in Washington DC. She accused me of not calling her although I had no idea that she had returned from China. In the meanwhile, I had promised Sheila she could go with me. Neither wanted to meet the other. Sheila asked me what I wanted to do. I said, go to Washington & drive to Milford with Lian. When I told Lian that, she asked me to wait a day or two to see if I still held the opinion. When I did wait & call back, she said I had already chosen Sheila. So Sheila and I did drive together.
On I-35 north of Des Moines, Iowa, a truck was pulling into the highway. I slowed down. The truck slammed on its brakes. Then, two bodies flew out of the back. I thought they were cattle or hogs. Sheila thought they were seals or fish. The foul juice from their carcasses splattered the windshield and car. It smelled terrible. We washed off the car at the next gas station.
We left in the morning of Aug. 23 & arrived in Milford on the afternoon of Aug. 25th after spending the night in Overland Park, Kansas, with Arnell. Visited Dena Cotton in St. Jones’ hospital. In Milford, bought a basket of artificial flowers at Meyer’s & placed them on Mother’s grave. Later bought an eagle nest carnation. Meet a Donna Kotcher whose son had also been born on August 25th. Later spent time with Linda Davis.
On Sunday, Aug. 28th, hurricane Irene was expected to hit Milford. It did rain hard & the Sawkill was swollen. The paris? was out. It was still rainy when we left Milford around 12:30 p.m. Sheila continually pestered me about driving too fast or falling asleep all the way home.
Lian is back in China. She said she hadn’t gone to Milford because she didn’t wish to make trouble on my mother’s birthday. I told her I thought our clooze? case would go to trial. Lian thinks US courts won’t let me be homeless.

Sept. 6, 2011. On Sept. 4, during the day, Lian called me repeatedly from China saying that she would die soon. She wanted “soft words” from me. I did not know what to do other than listen as much as possible. I told Lian when she was in Minneapolis that my previous offer was withdrawn. I would make a new offer but the money would be less than previously offered and I would not put my right to stay in Milford in the divorce settlement. At one point, Lian threatened to come back to Minneapolis & check herself into the hospital, running up huge medical bills. When I said we were legally separated, she said, if we lived together, we would not be. I’ll have to check with attorney Gurovitch about this. Lian must have called six different times saying she could not sleep during the night. She called last night to see if I was there at 11 pm and then again at 5 am to say she was turning her phone off.
Yesterday, Sept. 5, began for me with a knock on the door from Shirley Black to say that water was pouring through her ceiling. Intisar Mohammed in unit 8 had a toilet overflowing onto the floor. I stopped the water. Alan came to sop up the water in the carpet with a shampooer. Later Sheila arrived. She had gone to Miami with Georges Dupervall to pick up $45,000 at the T & M bank. However, they did not get to meet with bank officials. Instead, police arrested Sheila & Georges because a week or so earlier Georges had made terroristic threats against bank employees. The money remains frozen. Sheila will call Keith - at the bank to see if anything can be done. Meanwhile, my credit reserves are shrinking dangerously and I have a $4,000 + bill to pay to Citibusiness credit card, mostly for charges made by others - more bogus charges from Sheila and some for Lena that I had authorized. Lena opened her store, “Catwalk”, in Stillwater Sept. 1st. It attracted attention from the Stillwater Gazette and a Minnesota magazine. She had been operating “Emma Jane Vintage” in the downstairs unit of my house. This is the only positive development lately.
Found Rico, the dog. A woman around Tarno on Fremont St. off White Bear Ave. in St. Paul saw Sheila’s poster & called her. He had been at a nearby gas station - evidently jumped out of Renee’s car.

September 15, 2011. I went to northern Wisconsin Thursday and Friday (9/15-16) because I learned that Sheila had sold the south 20 acres to Ken & Inge Johnson. She had given a quit-claim deed to the same property in June. When I attempted to record the property transfer on Wednesday, I learned. that Sheila no longer owned the land. She had sold it to the Johnsons on March 31st for $7,500. The assessed value is $20,000. I visited Ken & Inge Johnson Thursday evening (after getting a copy of Sheila’s transfer to the Johnsons from the Bayfield Co. registrar of deeds at 4 pm.) They said Sheila had contacted a number of prospective buyers & then bought the property primarily to protect himself against strangers going down the drive way. Sheila had told the Johnsons that I was in China (actually I had just returned to 1702 Glenwood after the no-contact order was lifted.), that I knew of her transfer & approved. This was a lie. In an email, Sheila says she bout bought another property with the proceeds. Do Do and I had a good day on Friday tramping through the woods - going to the beach on Lake Superior. Do Do barked a at the waves. Then I drove to Sturgeon Lakes to participate in the Sufi event at he Men’s conference. Had a good talk with Jack Gunderson who told me about his arrests for drunk driving several years ago after I told him about being arrested for domestic abuse. Lian was at home when I returned to Mpls. at 1 pm on Saturday. We had rather acrimonious discussions about the divorce when I said I could offer her only $5,000. Lian threatened to go to trial and seek my apartment building. I tried to explain how the issue concerns division of marital property & debt so that she would likely receive nothing. But Lian is determined to go to trial to find that cost. We would each pay $20,000 plus attorney fees. Lian thinks the court will make me pay her attorney fees. Lian says she needs more money to stay alive. Thinks it will take 5 years to get on Medicaid & she will be dead by then. When we went to bed around 8 pm, Lian and I had a good conversation. Lian asked if I wanted her to be buried in the Milford cemetery. I said yes, if she wants to be. Lian said she might prefer to have her ashes scattered at sea, maybe off Hainan, maybe Qingdao City. We attempted to have sex in the early morning but I am unable to perform. In the afternoon on Friday, Lian and I argued in front of Bob Carney. No progress was made toward a settlement. In Wisconsin, Inge had doubted that Sheila was pregnant for two reasons: 1. after 7 months of pregnancy, I would have known without a doubt that she was pregnant, 2. The Allina clinic would have given her photographs of the ultra-sound which she would have shown me if I was the father. I will go to Allina to see if the letter she gave me is genuine.

September 27, 2011. Lian arrived here Sunday evening after I shopped at Aldis & wrote Prehearing Statement. She as at first belligerent but we later tried to have sex. Today Lian took the car to visit her lawyer. Jesus Reyes has been taken to jail for domestic assault. Later Lian and I went to the Social Security office to inquire about an application for SSI. It turns out that Lian is not eligible because my income is too high. ($900 from Social Security, $900 pension) Many questions about my assets. Lian can apply again after our divorce when these things will not matter. Also, it may be difficult to translate her medical records from Beijing Women Hospital with respect to her breast cancer, intestinal cancer, and diabetes. We had lunch at Subway on Chicago Avenue & then went to China Tribune office to inquire about a trip to China. In the storage area of the basement, Lian and I had a major argument. Lian indicates that she is now interested in a “war” between us that might last 3-5 years. She’s willing to sell her Beijing apartment to hire lawyers to win this war. She thinks I am a “liar” because I cannot tell her now how much money I can offer in a settlement. Finally, I became angry & suggested that she was getting into a war that she could not win. Lian said she was pleased that I was getting angry - she has long been angry at me. She recorded my conversation on her smart phone & grabbed my camera to take pictures of me. When I grabbed it back from her, she threatened to call the police to have me put away for 10 years. (Jesus may be deported after being charged with domestic assault.) I finally took Do Do for a walk to the Floyd B. Olson station. Do Do jumps up on my leg when Lian starts arguing with me. I have promised to take Lian to see naked women. “American culture”, she says. Tonight Sheila should be flying to Miami to get money from Georges Duperval’s account. I am promised $30,000. I have paid Milford real-estate taxes with scarcely enough credit to cover it. Sheila and Alan have charged $2,700 to my Menards card while it was in their possession. Alan is upset because Katina is taking all the money for Ariel’s care.

10-12-11. I used to maintain a dream journal. (This was interrupted. Resume 10-14.) It was for Eckankar. Before Lian arrived, she called me from Virginia before 7 am interrupting my dream. In the dream, I was in an upper storey of a skyscraper like the IDS Center or World Trade Center. We weren’t allowed to take an elevator to a lower floor. I got on a motorized vehicle to drive around the floor looking for a way off the floor. In the process, I lost contact with Dad & Andy. I was wondering how to find them again when Lian called.
Actually, my life has been a nightmare in the past several days. Sheila has not yet returned the money (10-14-11) so I have nothing to offer Lian on Monday Oct. 17. That means a court date will be ordered for 3-9 months. Today I discovered I owe Citibusiness credit card $6,100 including unauthorized charges from Sheila. I borrowed $6,100 on my remaining $10,000 line of credit at 16% to pay the real-estate taxes + Menards credit card ($2,700, $1,500 of it Sheial’s charges). I am sinking financially.

10-29-11. I am depressed. It’s Saturday morning. Lian arrived yesterday from Washington. She’s at her attorney now. Lian asked for money& I didn’t give her any. She refused a small check of $83. Monday she will go to the doctor in Mpls. with the idea of having another cancer operation. My attorney quit several days ago after I sent referee Cochrane a letter saying I am out of money & asking that the trial be held this year. I worked on goldparty.org. Sheila & Lena say they’re moving out of the downstairs unit. Lian’s first offer was that I pay her $30,000; I offered $12,000. Both offers are refused. So we go to trial.

10/31/11. More trouble with Lian. Today she was angry because I walked Do Do when I thought she was sleeping. Lian goes to the doctor this afternoon. Lian learned that Sheila was downstairs. Lena answered her knock on the door & said she wasn’t moving. Lian thinks I lied to her. I told her I had accepted another tenant, Crystal -. Then Sheila told me that Lena had learned that her boy friend was a drug dealer. So I can’t accept her as a tenant. I didn’t give Lian any money for several days; finally gave her $100 today from auto-insurance refund. Lian said it was her money anyhow. The check was for $84.38. I gave her $100. So Lian argued in effect I had only given her $17.

11-5-11. Lian went to HCMC for a report on test results. Had the cancer returned or was she OK? I dropped her off around 1 pm & returned home to give her a ride back. Then Alan called saying he needed to borrow $625 to get h is car out of the shop. Alan doesn’t have a checking account so I had to go to the bank to pay in cash. I went to the apartment to try to collect cash from tenants so I wouldn’t have to leave but none had cash. I did learn a tenant needed a key. So I drove to Dave’s Lock & US Bank on Broadway. Then I went to Old Colony gas station on Washington to fill up the car. I called Lian when I returned home. She was furious that I was not at home when she called - six times. Said I should have called when I started my errand - or else, I should have had my cell phone turned on. Se hung up on me. After she returned home, she engaged me in angry conversation saying she would impose an economic penalty on me of $50 for my failure. We went to Beachaner’s where I spent $51 for dinner for two. Had an argument today - I did get angry at her - because Lian wants me to pay her $400 per month on alimony or spousal maintenance until she gets SSI or income from a job. I argued that if I gave her $25,000 she will be over the asset limit for SSI. So I might be paying $400 indefinitely. Lian says she has a (n undisclosed) plan to spend the $25,000 down to where she can qualify. So I would be spending $5,000 extra plus pay for her MRI & part of presettlement doctor bills. Lian agrees her lawyer is a big problem - won’t let her settle. Lian agrees that she & I must see the judge without the attorney. But then Lian said I keep charging my card & might do so before the judge. I argued that we could have a written agreement when we see the judge, but that didn’t satisfy Lian.
Earlier this week, I went to Jesus Aranda-Reyes’ deportation hearing with Ashley Sullivan. I met Lian at the Whittier clinic. Walking back to the parked car in front of K-Mart, Lian kept pleading with me to settle. She said she didn’t want to die.

Nov. 20, 2011. I am beginning to feel real depression. We are in the throws of divorce and Sheila has promised to repay some of her loans but is always unavailable to show me proof that there is money. I am being wiped out financially, both by Sheila and Lian, with Alan Morrison another contributor. I feel weak and foolish. My writing no longer inspires me or gives me a sense of purpose - for I have no time to do any writing so long as Lian is around.

Dec. 20, 2011. Still haven’t concluded the divorce or gotten any money back from Sheila. Sheila’s money is promised the day after Christmas. Have worked out my agreement for the divorce but it goes to Ms. Wing-Sze Wong Sun, Lian’s attorney who always complicates the situation. Still some bright spots this past month: 1. David Hanners of St. Paul Pioneer Press is investigating Jermaine Stansberry’s case, 2. Had an hour interview with Vance Opperman about three weeks ago. 3. A week ago, on Dec. 12, I led a disruption of the Mpls. City Council to protest a license revocation for Ron Folger. Shouted “heartless” at the departing Council members. An article appeared in Dec. 13 Star Tribune metro section. Had an opinion piece published in today’s paper. My main worries are financial, although my health has started to decline.

Dec. 24, 2011. Waiting to go to Washington DC for Christmas. Celia will be there. Another argument with Lian about the issue of paying $11,000 by personal check when the divorce decree is signed or giving it to Diane Liang in cashier checks when agreement is signed. Gave Shirley Black her 30-day notice but am reconsidering. A man was shot & killed at 1618 Glenwood 3 days ago. Sold 160 shares of Wells Fargo, money for tax seasons.

Dec. 31, 2011. Last day of 2011 - annus horribilis - when I was arrested fo domestic abuse and object of filing for divorce and when my credit was drained. Lian has gone to Herndon, VA, and Sheila is inviting me to visit the Hopeffin center with the season’s first snow storm coming in. Talked with Gail Worthman who almost died this past years. Still I’m in good health.

Jan. 23, 2012. Chinese New Year. Tomorrow we have a four hearing on Temporary Maintenance. I got legal advice morning at Family Justice Center. When I asked Lian about Chinese New Year, we got into an argument. Lian was semi-violent. She kicked me, threw remote & slippers at me, waved her arms menacingly & kept asking for money. I was sitting on the sofa going through legal papers. Lian came over & tried to grab the papers out of my hands. She took my wedding ring. Finally I called 911. Lian picked up the cordless & started sobbing. Then Lian left to see her lawyer. When the officer arrived, I gave a brief description. They admitted that they normally arrest the man. In the end, I decided to let it go. No report was filed.

Feb. 17, 2012. Well, Lian and her attorney went to the police station where, through an interpreter, she filed charges of assault against me. I am now a probation violator. The trial for domestic assault and probation violation is set for March 26, 2012. Can’t afford to spend much on attorneys. Haven’t heard from referee Cochrane about Wang Sun’s motion for temporary relief.

Feb. 21, 2012. 71 years old. Sheila’s bank accounts are frozen because I reported fraud on the water bill. She had forged my signature on a check. Now this house at 1515 7th will go into default unless she pays. Sheila says she is taking a bus to Miami tomorrow. I’m taking applications for apt. 3.

March 1, 2012. Sheila came back from Florida empty-handed. She said she was arrested by Miami police when she entered the International Bank on Saturday. They are looking for Georges Duperval. Anyhow, she came back on the bus. I will go to 1515 7th Ave. tonight to help celebrate Jasmine’s acceptance into the army. This noon I met with Alycia Chang who may be receptive to having a baby with me. First, I need to get past my legal difficulties. Alycia had a very profitable massage business which the city of Mpls. closed because of improper joining?. She is married but her husband doesn’t want any more children. Last night, MPRAC had a meeting at which we backed Basim Sabri’s proposal for a charter amendment.

March 20, 2012. Yesterday Lauren Blachly, my probation officer, called around 7:30 am to say that the city attorney was dismissing the charges against me in the assault case. Also, because I had not pled guilty to a probation, this was being dismissed as well. I do not have to attend trial on March 26th and do not have to meet with probation as well. Freed of this burden, I made reservations on Greyhound to go to Milford with Sheila so I can be at my father’s grave on March 28th. I still have to worry about the divorce trial. Ms. Wang-Sze Wong Sun sent me the interogatories and requests for documents which were excessively detailed. I still haven’t spoken with Lian since late January. Bob Carney wanted to borrow $3,300 to cover his mortgage. I said he would have to give me his German Bible & he refused. It now appears he can raise the money elsewhere. I expect to cash Sheila’s check for $2,400 (insurance claim) today. It would be my first repayment of money from her in a long time. The money in Florida is still unavailable while the Miami police investigate Georges Dupervall. Sheila has moved in & has begun discussing what we would do the rest of our life. I told her I had discussions with Alycia Chang about having a baby & she was upset. Sheila wants to lose weight & have a baby with me. I am skeptical since she is 52 & I am 71. I have resumed work on a book on Big History but first need to work on the interrogatories presented by my wife’s attorney. Jim Swartwood loaned his book on Minn. court procedure which has been a great help in preparing my defense. I don’t have a key to the Milford house.

March 25, 2012. My probation is up today. Sheila and I are taking the bus tomorrow to Milford to celebrate Dad’s 100th birthday. Uncle Ralph died several days ago.

April 8, 2012 Heard Sri Harold Klemp talk last night about how he broke his hip after slipping on black ice. Tragedy is a prelude to further spiritual unfolding. I spoke briefly with Lian after returning from the trip to Milford; she is still angry about the restrictions on her use of credit card - a $400 limit per month. Now she has started to charge again. Sheila moved into my place several weeks ago but is it 1515 7th Street, St. Paul, because she has started a new job at Clean Press. I am preparing for the divorce trial. Ms. Wing-Sze Wong Sun keeps sending threatening emails but I reply effectively. Have asked for a Discovery conference. Sheila forged more checks of mine. I discovered this after returning from Milford. I may have evict Sheila from my room. Am focused now on preparing for divorce trial in 1 month and then writing the book on Big History. Have talked with Alycia Chang about having a baby but I am unable to maintain an erection. The trip to Milford was good. No car, but twice visited parents’ grave + Pinchot house & climbed the Knob. 30-hour trip each way on Greyhound bus with Sheila. Linda Davis has a new photographic technique. Fixed parking lot.

May 8, 2012. The trial is over. Judge James Swenson, chief of Hennepin County, presided. It was a mixed bag. Judge Swenson criticized me severely for numbering exhibits 1, 2, 3 etc. instead of 101, 102, 103. Today he told me that the difference in stock values between date of marriage at 4/15/11 was not marital property - so my whole calculation was wrong. I had prepared thoroughly. Not allowed to read my argument. I cross-examined Lian, Celia & Diane Nelson. Alan Morrison was an effective witness for me. Linda Davis could not be reached by telephone. I made some effective statements - explains how the debt. was handled, rebutting idea I should pay cathony? fees - but I was prevented by court procedure from entering some of my exhibits. Had 3 satchels full of papers.

May 17, 2012. I started writing an account of my divorce a week ago and am still at it. Around 37,000 words so far. My head is tired. Dena Cotton died two days ago. May go with Alan & Sheila to K.C. (Kansas City) Toni Backdahl coming over to look at apt. Bob Carney borrowing car to go to St. Cloud for GOP gathering.

June 3, 2012. Will pick up Tom Wade to go to Eckankar. Sheila has been missing for 3 days. No one has heard from her. Germon said she and Britney had gotten into a fight. I have been working on the 3rd book in my trilogy, “Payson”. Have three days of writing under my belt. Finished the book about the divorce trial about a week ago & revised book on domestic assault. Started the one on the trial 2 days after the trial ended on May 8th. My teeth have continued to fall out. Now there’s a gap in my front teeth.

June 27, 2012. Tom Wake was 15 minutes late so I went to the Temple without him. Yesterday was David’s 68th birthday. In 3 days, it will be Andy’s 70 birthday. Last Thursday, Bob Carney and I went to a book signing in Roseville with Jesse Ventura & then met former state rep. Mark Olson to discuss domestic abuse & my candidacy for state rep. in 59B. I had spent Thursday putting my notes on Big History in sequence by theme. I decided not to go immediately into writing the stories of Big History but instead do a book on how to write Big History from my source notes. Started the writing Friday morning and it is now 27 pages later on Wednesday morning. I finish about 5 pages a day. Most productive on Sunday when I finished about 8 pages. I have been doing my exercises taught by Elea Patrin: 9 of “unconditional love”, 9 of “let go”, and 9 of “rebirth”. This gets me started in the morning. I have also gone to the beach several times to improve my physical condition.

Friday, June 29, 2012. I have finished a 42 -page draft of Some Thoughts on Writing Big History around 4 pm today. My day was interrupted by trying to find a kitten (the white cat’s offspring) that was wedged in a radiator behind my desk in my office. I could hear the kitten’s cries but despite removing furniture, I could not see where it was lodged. Finally when Do Do barked, I saw the kitten standing next to the radiator. She had dislodged herself. I thought she was dead. In any event, this has been some of the most intense writing of my life. I managed about five pages of text a day. I began writing on the morning of Friday, June 21, and finished 8 days later, on Friday, June 29. Tomorrow is Andy’s 70th birthday. I have meanwhile neglected my political campaign partly because my funds are depleted. Sheila promises that the money from Florida - $42,000 - will be here Monday and she will give it to me. Then I can pay off $15,000 to Citibusiness & Menards and to $22,000 line of credit. I hope there are no complications. “Keep the police out of your house” - a slogan for my political sign.

Thursday, July 3 - Terrible heat waves the past two days. I sat in an air-conditioned room waiting for the Fed-Ex man to deliver Sheila’s checks. Supposedly they came yesterday to Lena’s door. I have started taking notes on Toynbee book for the next phase of the writing project. Do Do is here with me. The mother cat & 3 kittens are in the hot rooms outside my bedroom.

July 20, 2012. A week ago Saturday a young woman was shot & killed at Ann Foerst’s apartment a 1710 Glenwood Ave. There is a nice shrine to her memory on a telephone pole outside my apartment building. Terry Yzaguirre stopped by. Went to Sufi group last night. I’m working on the Big History book - chapters on civilization. Planning to go to IBHA conference in Grand Rapids Aug. 1. Still waiting for the money from Sheila and the decision by the divorce-court judge.

July 27, 2012, Three days ago I received Judge Swenson’s decision in the mail. He was giving Lian $500 per month permanent alimony and making me pay her $50,000 starting in October. I plan to appeal to the Court of Appeals. A disaster. I will have to sell property to pay the $50,000. Two days ago, Sheila and I took the mother cat, Rei-tze, and two of her kittens to the humane society. Unfortunately, the cage was too big so it had to be strapped to the top of the car using bungie cords. A man followed us & called the police.

August 1. I withdrew from the House district 59-B state rep primary campaign at the League of Women Voters candidates forum July 30th. Am going on a trip to Grand Rapids, MI, tonight.

August 1, 2012. I returned from the International Big History Association conference in Grand Rapids, Michigan, yesterday.

Aug. 15 - After much bad luck - the divorce-court judge’s decision, failure to get he $42,000, etc. - I’ve had some unexpected good luck. First, I got 79 votes vs. my opponent’s 98 votes in District 59-B after withdrawing from the race. Second, Margaret says a Conservancy group wants to buy the land across the Sawkill which would alleviate my financial problems.

Aug. 27 - Just learned Sheila has been charging lots of money on my credit card (Citibusiness) - $1,200 on plumbing, hundreds more for Sprint. Last week I discovered more forged checks. Confronted Sheila on the phone & she was belligerent, saying we had talked about it. Sheila keeps pressing me for marriage or giving her power of attorney to decide my medical condition. She says she loves me but hasn’t had any of the $42,000 or shown me an ultrasound of Payson except at a very early stage. Meanwhile, I keep having trouble in the divorce.

Sept. 5. Sheila + 2 daughters will move into house as Lena moves. I had a “date” with Shirley Black on Sunday. Took Muffin & her to Cedar beach. I was put off by additional heavy charges on my credit card by Sheila. My wallet was stolen - maybe by Shirley - last week when she sent a fax from my bed room. Had to reorder my cards. Sheila & I will meet attorney this Friday. Tomorrow Alan goes to the hospital for surgery on his knee. Sheila worried about competition from Shirley. Has had long talks with me in my bedroom. She had a confession. When she was in the hospital in Kansas City, MO, pregnant with Payson, the doctors proposed that the birth be induced prematurely. Payson might have lived. But she continued the pregnancy dressed? to stay off her feet. She didn’t heed this. So Sheila feels guilty that she lost Payson. I told her I would have decided to give Payson more time. I would not have been angry about the decision. Alan told Sheila I would be angry learning of Payson’s death. Sheila started drinking not long afterwards. She has continued to drink heavily but now plans to quit.

10-11-12. The last two mornings Sheila came upstairs to argue with me for 1-2 hours, preventing me from getting started on my Big History work. Sheila has been angling for me to make a greater commitment. Yesterday she proposed that she pay the 884 loan payment on 1702 Glenwood Ave. so that she will inherit the house instead of Alan. She insists she & Alan don’t get along and he will kick her out immediately after he inherits the house from me. She says she is very insecure. She also is pressing Lian and me to appoint her with power of attorney to make medical decisions for me if I become mentally incapacitated. She cites Jerome Norris as an example. He refused to grant primary legal status after he died, and she was left with two of his children but no support. I am becoming suspicious. Lian warned me that Sheila might try to kill me. This recent behavior ties into this scenario. I have not yet received any prepayment. I have not seen her lawyer or my bank documents. I haven’t seen the ultrasound. Everything has been talk at this point. Now Sheila is asking me to help her move back to 1515 E. 7th in St. Paul because I argued in front of Gonzalo & embarrassed her. I refuse to tie up any more mornings arguing with Sheila. She has been here less than a week occupying he downstairs unit - has repainted the walls a dark color - and now she wants to move out. She is starting a job at Superamerica in Golden Valley & will lose her property in St. Paul, yet she wants to move back there.

11-6-16. 6:30 pm. I’m watching election returns from the presidential race, Romney v. Obama. No decisive developments yet. Early returns aren’t encouraging for Romney - big turnout - but I have no special powers of prediction. Went to vote with Sheila & Alan. Tim & Ginny voted.

Thanksgiving Day, 2012. (Nov. 22) Romney lost - quite disturbing to me. There is a total racial divide in the electorate. In the past 6 weeks, I’ve had 4 teeth pulled - 2 front upper ones at HCMC and 2 at Mary Jo’s (Sharing & Caring Hands 10/12 - 11/18). I have been hard at work on the Big History book. My only plan is to write at least 20 pages for each chapter. I have written 12 pages of the 5th chapter. After that, will have 3-4 more chapters where I will be creating original material. Now I take books out of the library and without making preliminary notes of real portions of the book and write from that. My head is often tired. Will watch a movie with Sheila the rest of the day.

12-12-12. (The last time such a date can be written in 87 years) (In nine days we arrive at the fearsome Mayan date of December 21, 2012, when the world is supposed to end.) I finished the initial writing of the four chapters on civilization yesterday - Want to spend few days adding some materials to these chapters to make them a more even length. Today I went to visit Carl Harstad in the VA hospital. Sheila & I went to Menards. No letter has yet arrived from Judge Swenson. I’m not complaining.

12-21-12. This is the day when the long cycle of the Mayan calendar ends. No events yet except for Shirley’s complaint about her broken windows. I’ve been working on Chapter 11 of my Big History book - ending a 3-4 month project of writing the first draft. Last night went to Sufi singing at Robert Bly’s. Bly looked more energetic & cheerful than usual. He brought in the spirit of Calvin Coolidge. Four guys - me, Mark Stanley, Walton Stanley & Duncan Storlie - will buy Robert some food for his birthday on Dec. 23rd. Sheila and I will celebrate Christmas with all her children except for Chris being home.

12/24/12. Just finished 11th chapter of book.

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