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Professor Unum’s Television Commercial

Humorous - This imitates a drug-peddling television commercial.

“Hello. My name is E. Pluribus Unum. I’m the Charles H. Pfizer professor of mass communications at the University of California at Pharma. You can trust me. My name is on the dollar bill.

Over the years, I have had much opportunity to study the content of television broadcasts. Let me share with you some of the things I’ve learned.

Andorex may help if you are feeling tired or generally unwell. I have reason to believe that Andorex is used in some of the finest homes in Beverly Hills. It helps persons such as yourselves get back to what you enjoy doing - gardening, playing with grandkids, and even jogging. I know of one remarkable woman - I’d call her a “silver fox” - who begins each day by taking Andorex. Ask your doctor about it. People remark on how much energy she has.

In the interest of a nuanced presentation, I should point out that some people have felt dizzy after taking Andorex. Complications may include nausea, chest pains, coughing, trouble breathing, sores that don’t heal, and inability to pass gas. Women who are nursing or are pregnant should not take Andorex. If you experience uncontrollable rectal activity, contact your doctor immediately.

Andorex may have side effects such as intolerance of food. Contact your doctor if you cough up blood more often than once a week. Persistent head or muscle aches should also be checked.

Ask your doctor about Andorex. You have worked hard to get where you are, and there’s no reason why life should not be enjoyed to the hilt. Ask your doctor if Andorex is right for you.

Andorex is not for everyone. If you lose consciousness after taking Andorex, consult with your doctor. Persons prone to unexpected chills should not take Andorex. Stop taking Andorex if you have sudden urges or leaks or if you experience an erection lasting more than four hours. Visit your doctor immediately. If you need to go (to the bathroom) often, check with your doctor.

Andorex can help make life more enjoyable and rewarding in your twilight years. If it does not, ask your doctor if death is right for you.”

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French - Spanish - German - Portuguese - Italian       

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